~Wait and See~

A really cold day today, Chris called last nite..said he called

about the window..said they told him would be 5 working days

and they would get the window..to me..sounds like he only

JUST ordered it..not 4 weeks ago when Kenny said he was

going to..He did ask if I had plastic for the windows and porch,

I told him no..and if he had some would he give it to me or have

Kenny come and put it up.. He said he would let me know.. I

hope he doesn't wait till NEXT year on that one.. These people

are SLOW now.. Well- taken a year to get that window in..and

they had ALL nice WARM summer..no..they wait till its almost

BELOW ZERO..then.. they come put it in..MAYBE..when I see

them at my door with the window..THEN I will believe it..

Ive been in the dumps the past few days, its partly the holidays.

I get down this time of year really bad, and I know I do.. then

other things will happen that make it even worse.. A friend I have

had now since I first got on the net..has just disappeared.. no

word..no goodbye.. nothing..and whats worse, no reason given.

I wonder do they know how badly that hurts.. the hurt lasts when

you don't know why its happened.. If your told "I wont be writing

or in contact anymore" even if no reason is really given at least

there is a good bye... I love to get mail to hear from my friends..

and I make no demands.. on anyone..let alone ASK for anything..

well yes I do.. I ask for a good bye when you don't want contact

anymore..just so the story can end..well that one anyway..

I tried to explain this to Theresa, and Heidi...that I cant let anyone

or anything..drag me to a sad point..and leave me there.. I cant

and I refuse to do that.. I have to keep going on.. I cant stay at

those sad or lonely or awful places..I have to keep moving to the

next hopefully better one..If I don't have that WILL to keep going

on.. well what do I have? When things like just this.. not hearing

from a cherished friend for over a month , and no reason given,

I cried.. I worried.. I said a prayer,all was well..but I cant stay and

mourne this loss.. I will miss this contact..and the friend.. but I

and my life has to keep going on.. Theresa made the comment,

"too bad more of us cant do that, it would be so much better,

perhaps that is why YOU are doing so good with your new life." I

told her it is NOT easy, don't get me wrong.. to look back at some

one or something that you have had to leave behind you, Lord,

its hard.. I have had to do that many many times.. but I do it.. I have

no choice... Heidi says,"then the hurt doesn't hurt as long does it,

I wish I could let go and move on, like you have with so much.".

it hurts.. but not as badly.. and your living your life THATS what

matters.. . . If the time comes they do contact me again.. I will be

glad of course.. but things will never be the same.. the trust, the

confidence, the loyalty will have been broken... I wish my friends

would take this ride with me all the way, but sadly..some cant..

and I understand..a goodbye and a reason sure help....hello and

goodbye go together.. If you can say hello.. say goodbye too...

I really try to make this "ride" a happy one.. I love music..and if I get

really down.. I find that listening to happy songs..or the oldies from

years ago when life was really good.. I like country..but to me they

are too sad..whiney, boo hoo in your beer stuff..and I like the toe

tappin happy stuff.. I like the ballads..the meaningful things.. One of

my favorite songs is Someone Elses Star..by Brian White.. that's

how I feel sometimes.. There is a lot I never tell or write about that

has happened in my life..and very very few family know about. The

holidays are when all these thoughts and memories come back

the most..I guess because they were really good times and I didn't

know it then... and I always have been in pursuit of something better.

I havent changed in that respect at all..but sometimes what I THINK

is better really isnt.. and I had to learn..but I did.. One of my other

favorite songs is Cat Stevens.. Moon Shadow.. "and if I ever lose

my legs..... I wont moan and I wont beg...I wont have to walk no

more".............

Well enuff of this post !!! :-) life is good.. and happy is out in my kitchen

right now..in the form of some great spaghetti..and I am starved. All is

good..and my wheels are still round and rolling just fine..and I feel good,

well most of me does.. my butt now? well that GORGEOUS WEEBLE

thing is screamin at me.. so I have to listen.. just think if I didn't have

it to scream at me? THEN I would be in trouble.. Im glad it keeps me

straight... Food.. TV.. sleep..:-) I wont say it..but you KNOW what I

would say.. (ok..not necessarily in that order) "nitey nite" :-)

Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear? love ya, and thanks.. :-)

oh.. KEEP in TOUCH! :-) please ? :-)

Always, Lois ****

PS: if you want those 2 songs I will send them to you...

God Bless you, is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again.....