~Swing Moods~ :-( :-)

I woke up this morning in a mood.. I have been trying to fight it all day.
Its one of those back and forth swing ones, one minute its happy, the
next its almost a boohoo.. I hate these. I've talked to other amputees
and I am glad to know I am NOT the only one this happens to,
although at the time this CRAP is going on I honestly believe I am the
ONLY person in the world that goes through this- I really DON'T like
where these Swings take me sometimes.. :-)

I think this time for me, the pushes on this swing ride.. its almost the
4th, big holiday..and looking through all these old photos.. going back
to those "Good Old Days" seeing all the loved ones that have gone and
thinking of how easy and good life seemed when I look at photos of even
with David, my last husband, there were many good times I have had
old friends reappear that I was very fond of..that had left, that bring
back other more recent hurts.. and I get down.. then up..and then down
again... It seems different things trigger it.and I have to really TRY to
get past it all..if I dont it all piles up..the photos, the holiday,different
worries and people, ALL can add to these mood swings. some times the
back and forth can really make you not know which way your goin' ya
know? which way your facing back or forward :-) its a battle...but if
you want out of it .. well..you got to TRY...

Someone said to me just the other day in chat, when I had mentioned
I had put some new photos here sunday, They came and saw them ,
the first comment I got was.. "You sure are Proud of them stumps
aren't ya?" My response was.."well not proud..but I'm not ashamed
of them either" I dont flaunt the fact that I am a amputee..I can't help
that I am.. If I had a choice? well..not that I would want to give up all
my friends I have now..but back then? 5 years ago?? Ya..let me keep
my legs...and proud? well I am PROUD of WHO I am.. and I am NOT a
quitter.. I guess I just maybe accept me no matter what I look like..Im
still me..and as long as I LIKE me..and my boys..hey..Works for me. So
many amputees lose their self esteem..their husbands have left..or their
familys and friends dont bother with them well.. ummm.. I have only a
sister and 1 friend that stuck with me thru all my HELL.. and I HAD alot
of friends I thought and my husband? well color him gone too and ALL
most ALL of my belongings, and my health AND wealth..BUT I'm still
here.. I feel bad for those that have a hard time finding themselves again
and lose their "self esteem" one I just heard about, been a amputee for
13 years and STILL does not have the greatest self image of herself..
needs others to give it to her.??? Thats so sad I think and I feel bad for

her.. BUT NO ONE else can really give you this.. YOU have to dig it out
of your inner self and find it.. Sure others can say "good job" and that
makes you feel great..does me..BUT.. If I didnt do all the"LEG" work
well.. I could be sitting back somewhere saying "wah wah wah poor me.
look what they did to me..my hubby left, I got no friends and I think I
will just eat worms" LOL...I HAVE to do it.. I have to make that first
STEP so to speak and NO ONE can do THAT for me.. its MY LEGS well
ok..Stumps that are on this Walk..:-) this road gets so hard sometimes
and let me tell ya between this bloomin SWING and that Heimer guy
steady dancin' with me wellll I am having a HELL of a time some days.
But I have to do this...and I wont let it drag on for 13 years.. no way 2
hours is TOO long for me. Ya, Im proud..OF ME...but I worked HARD
to get here...and I LOVE who I am..Im GORGEOUS :-D... but.. i can be
a witch too now..well that wasnt the exact word ive been called a few

times , but I had GOOD reason to be that way :-D I did!! :-)

Well I got that little speech done..on this up beat ride on this swing-

now on the down beat ..well - Im gonna go stuff some food in the way

and see if that helps make this down beat stop at least HALF way lol...

Its the holidays and I honestly think I need one too..and I did make a

promise to myself that I AM going to take that train ride if its the LAST

thing I DO . NOW I just have to decide East..or West..or a place I know

BEST :-) lol.. well the place I know the best right now?

lol.. yup..the way to the kitchen.. Nitey Nite :-)

Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? love ya.. and thanks..:-)

Always, Lois****

May God Bless you today,

I'm so honored to call you friend,

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...