~Me Thinks~ :-)

Some days I get to thinking and I take stock of my life, What

Ive done, what I am doing and what I HOPE to do. Sometimes

I feel useless, that I have no purpose, all I do all day is sit..look

at my computer monitor and that's about the high spot of my

day.. Well unless its a day I am scheduled to have company,

like today, Theresa and Rebecca both came by. But I do get

discouraged and I feel I am not accomplishing anything..I get

melancholy..and think about who will remember me after Im

gone..but mostly WHAT will they remember me for? For being

me, for being mouthy, for being a amputee?..I don't feel I will

be remembered for very many things. Probly my big mouth

more than anything and being so out spoken and saying what

I think :-)

I talked to THeresa today for quite a while and this was one of

the things we talked about.. between Dutch just crawling ALL

over her.. She puts up with so much harrassment from these

cats when shes here its pitiful. she doesn't mind..but I told her

that some days I feel that I serve no purpose at all.. that I am

NOT accomplishing anything..much less really doing anything.

I get discouraged.. She tried to assure me that I DO serve a

purpose.. Like coming here and writing every day for almost

2 years now..finding so many great new friends.. THAT is

accomplishing something..which she is right on that..Ive felt

that I HAVE to come here, that this is where I can tell my

friends just what I do go through..how I feel and how things

are really going for me.. To show that I try and do the best I
can..and too I guess that there arent really many like me..And

that does make me feel special...yet still I do have my days

when I doubt myself..

I think this time of year has a lot to do with it too.. Wanting to do

things or go places ...get out of the dark winter into the sunlight

and warmth of summer fun.. I bet if I was on a lake and I could

get into that water, I KNOW I would probly swim every day. I
know if I had a pool I would be in it every day, I think that would

be just the very best exercise a amputee can get, well for me

anyway...But I do want to accomplish something..or at least

make it look like I did, and I think I can if I try hard enough and

keep up my strength, I can really do just about anything I want

to do..

We are supposed to get these tax stimulus payments and I see

so many ads here giving you credit until you get your check..Thats

one way of making sure the money is spent in their stores! I dont

know what I am going to buy with mine..and I honestly dont think I

will get anything- Id rather see that money sit in my bank and not

have to worry from month to month knowing I had that for back,

up.. I had thought about getting a bird bath though for outside . I

would enjoy that, so would the birds and I know the boys would.

But I really think saving it would be wiser. I do want to get a laptop

computer with that cordless or what ever they call it internet, and

I may put most of this money toward that. It will be great to see

extra in my checkbook and not worry from month to month, and

know that if there really was something I HAD to have I could get

it.. but unless its a real NEED, I will probly save mine.. The way

things are now around here anyway..everyone needs to do that.

These strikers are finding out now that the strike only made the

owners sell the company, and its moving away, now NO ONE

has jobs to go back to.. Its really sad..But I know this money will

come in handy for alot of people..things are NOT easy, Gas

alone is sky high here.

Lunch was all cold salads and I hate to tell COA that is the worst

lunch they send of all of them.. There is brocolli salad, potato

salad and tuna fish salad.. and its AWFUL...they give you a huge

croissant roll to put this stuff on tho, doesnt help its got no taste

at all and plus the fact the salads look awful..like they have already

been eaten once.. Ickky.. So you KNOW where they are..in my

garbage can...Im gonna have some tomato soup and a PB & J

sammich..Sounds good.. then some tv and I hope some good

sleepin...but before that I have to put my GORGEOUS WEEBLE

"nitey nite" :-)

Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear ? love ya and thanks !! :-)

ALways, Lois ****

.

God Bless you, is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again.....