~Different Types?~

I have been thinking about phantoms..and just exactly what

are they? I have so many different types of aches and pains

where my legs used to be that change constantly. But I classify

all of them as phantoms. Some, I mean, they REALLY hurt. I

have even said when it lasted and would NOT stop..that if that

leg wasnt already cut off- as bad as its hurting I would cut it off

myself...which no way I would, but the pain was agonizing...I

just wanted relief...I call all these phantoms.The pains and aches

that i feel in the stumps themselves I call them just what they are..

Pain, Ache, Numbies, Sleeping...I have MORE feelings in the

invisible part thats gone..strange hey?

I feel in the invisible part, pain, tingly, smashed, cramped,

pressure, ache, I cant think of some sort of feeling I DONT

feel in them...And there is VERY seldom a time, that I can

sit here and say "hmmm I dont feel any pains" I cant EVEN

begin to think of a time I could say that.. Even when I wake

up in the morning the first thought I have is..'do my legs hurt?'

and what position are they in...Very seldom do I ever feel

them as stretched straight out like they would be if they

were there...they are either to the side, or feel like they are

on the edge hanging over the side. Strange.. But I had always

thought ALL of these different feelings were classified as

Phantoms.. I guess I could go and read about them, but I

figure I have first hand experience why do I need to go and

read and give my self a headache ?? lol..well they may come

up with a new way to try to treat that I guess, which I know

some amputees been that way for 35 years and the Phantoms

never stop...maybe less frequent but never go away...

I used to take medication for the phantoms..called neurontin, the

doctor said it would help the pain..They gave me some little off

the wall crappy pain med that did nothing so why take it? I quit

them all...They were going to teach me how to use a TENS unit,

Its like electrodes that sends a charge or something through the

stump...My insurance wouldnt agree to pay for one so I couldnt

have it. I have gotten so used to having these pains..and aches

constantly that I probly would feel totally lost with out them now..

I do have to admit I get really tired of the "sleeping" sensation..

I swear these stumps sleep more than I DO...

I slept AWFUL last nite and woke up 4 times..to change position.

I know I am still achy from that cold crap, but last nite..wow..my

back kept hurting so bad I just could NOT find a way to get any

relief from it.. I was like a fish out of water...and of course the

raging thunderstorm with hail and all didnt help either..The boys

hate storms really bad and hover close to me, one of the times

They lay close..strange.. But I have to do something...This whole

apartment needs a redo..Maybe I should call or write to that

extreme home makeovers? wonder if they would come and

build me a place I could survive in? I bet a nice new apt complex

for wheelchair people in a NICE area , would be filled instantly

with people looking for nice places to live where we can have a

little garden and get outside ..Here to go out- we see parking

lots and dumpsters..NOT inviting sights... I bet they could build

a nice bed for me ..well just a place that didnt beat me up would

be great !!!

Well its that time of night again...and I am gonna go and tackle

that bed of mine see if it will treat me better tonite lol...I hope

Stan will come and maybe flip it for me..only bad thing is he

wouldnt be here till saturday and then I would have to put the

sheets back on myself and bedding and the way I feel right

now.? well naaaa Ill wait a while I dont think I could tackle that.

not yet..give me a week or so ..Then Ill be in tackling mode..

So Im gonna tackle that bed of mine again...nitey nite...

Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? Luv Ya.. & thanks!!!!

ALways, Lois****

May God Bless you today,

I'm so honored to call you friend,

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...