~Stress Is NOT a Good Thing~

I got up at 4:45 this morning, no nap and guess what? Im

kinda tired.. I have to say I didn't get anything but great phone

calls today and I was pleased to get them, one from a very

dear friend I have known for a long time..and hadnt heard

from in over a month now..and needless to say I told them

"HEY, more often ya know, don't hurt!" They have been so

busy working and always something to do. Was so good to

hear from them. I havent heard from any of my stress related

people tho and quite frankly.. I AM SO GLAD!!! :-)

I watched a TV show by accident - as I was scanning the

channels- before I found they eyes shut button, which was

Larry King..he had a show on last nite that quite frankly kinda

scared me. 5 doctors, all talking about heart disease and

problems, and how women are often misdiagnosed for some

heart problems etc. The main issue and cause of so many

heart and circulation problems.. is ???? STRESS.. That show

honestly scared me.. and gave me some serious pause for

thought.. I try to tell everyone.. If I only had ONE stress problem

I could handle it..but for me..well..to list them? my house, not

done, my chair, not here, my bathroom safety things, not here,

my floor, not done, my hands going from bad to worse,, the

bills.. all of these, the stress sometimes is so unbearable that

I just want to tear my face off and be someone else..

I try to express to all these different places and people THEY

are not the only stress givers I have that I have to face every

day, I wake in the morning and after I do my morning body scan

as I call it to see how I really feel, like what grotesque position

my invisible legs and feet are in, or how do they feel then, are

they tight, swollen, still asleep. Then as I start to move to get in

to my chair is when I start to think of all the phone calls I will have

to make that day and what kind of excuses am I going to get to

delay all this even longer, and I almost hesitate..how BADLY did

I really want to get up..and face all that again that day..or do I

want to stay back and every time my phone rings cringe thinking

of what kind of lame excuse I am going to get..and what stress

level will I reach that day... I have some days just sat and almost

scream at the excuses and the total lack of help I get and NO one

seems to really understand ..and they don't ask..or think that well

maybe this lady has lots of other stress related things going on so

lets get this done.. Like my Dr he HAS to see me before they will

approve a new chair for me.. well to save ME from having to go

thru all the hastle of going there, he goes right past my house I

bet 2 times a day at least..and I offered to be outside on the ramp

so he could see me, to get this chair stuff moving sooner..not wait

till next week now because Ive had to cancel this appointment due

to all this snow.. But he could see that my legs havent grown back,

but its the paperwork that this Dr cant take any chances..yet Ive

been going to the clinic for 5 years..ALL this is stress..and that

show last nite..well I hope they all watched it..and thought "hmmm

you know that GORGEOUS WEEBLE may have other stress

related things going on so why don't we give her a break and try

to help solve her problems..and they don't..

I worry with all this stress that is a major issue for me..and I KNOW

for a lot of people in the same boat as me..Stress can KILL..and

well. I don't want that to happen to me.. I have to have some relief

one way or the other before this does put me down and I DO become

a burden and cannot live alone anymore..and take care of myself

as much as I do. I don't want to give that up because people

have stressed me out so badly that I do stroke out here.. I have

thought and thought of ways to solve this. many say..be persistent

peck away keep at them..the squeaky wheel gets the grease..well

this wheel's been squeakin for way to long..and I am just going to

have to make other arrangements to get rid of all the STRESS that

according to that show last nite not only CAN..but WILL kill me..

well I am not going to sit here like a sitting duck.no way. I will make

other arrangements.. Some say you have come so far don't give

up now Lois. but.if it means a stroke or heart attack? hey- color me

gone .. I want out..and I wont abuse myself any more.. I cant..like I

said I wish everyone involved with my problems has seen that show

last nite..scared me..and this GORGEOUS WEEBLE is going to-

well HAS to make some changes..I guess the old phrase "sink or

swim" comes to mind..

ANYWAY.. lol. I have been sleeping on my side..I found a fairly

good position I can get into and sleep quite well..Ive been sleeping

on my back now since 2000..and well I sleep sitting up too.. I can

take a nap here at my desk , grab a pillow off the couch, put it in

front of me ..lean forward, of course, LOCK the break lol..and I

have slept for hours.. But I got used to sleeping that way in the hell

home it was easier to breathe. I do that now as just a different way

to get some sleep. I pull one of my pillows and if I put it between my

stumps just right it keeps my left elevated a bit so the pressure of

a downward pull from the length on my hip I can sleep pretty

good for a few hours until my right hip bothers me.. I do think tho

that I do need a better bed..and that may help. I don't think I sleep

for any longer than maybe 2 or 3 hours with out waking up, and

of course, looking at the time.. lol.but I go back to sleep..now if

I wake up for a potty call, well I could and a lot of times just stay

up if I know I can get a nap in, and some days I have NO choice

but to take a nap, I know this when Im typing with my forehead lol

I am tired as I was up late watching that show..but it was really

good and did scare me.. but I am kinda glad I saw it as it showed

me more or less what I have to do..and that's get rid of the STRESS.

which I honestly have NO choice but to do.. Right now? my stress

level is down as I got no calls today- I will not make any tomorrow

or I will stew and worry for 2 days that I wouldn't be able to find out

anything.But I am really tired..and soon as I hit that publish thingie

this GORGEOUS WEEBLE is gonna get a tea and go to bed and

try to watch some tv.its early but not really for me .been a long day

but I will say a very good one. I had some great conversation today

and Penny was here too. Oh.. some dear hearted soul, I have NO

idea who..plowed my driveway!!! Penny told me when she came in.

I don't know who..I kinda think Donnie sent someone I don't know

but I plan to call them when I finish this and find out maybe.. so

you know whats next.. "nitey nite".. :-)

Y'all have a good one Y'hear? love ya.. and thanks hey? keep that

stress down.. its NOT a good thing..trust me..I KNOW lol. :-)

Always, Lois ****

God Bless you is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe

until I write again..