~Kelly was here~

Nice sunny day today, and it was really a pretty good one. I

had a visit from Kelly with Keystone about the grant, she

really wanted to see the house to make sure Que had done

her job..and she really liked my little house..and we talked

for quite a while shes very nice.. She asked what I needed

and was there anything she could help me with and I told

her I sure could use a small freezer and a washing machine.

but other than that I was doing ok.. She was really impressed

with my little house and she checked it over from the electric

to the smoke detectors to the basement..She thought it was

really cute here.. She liked the burgundy colors here in the

living room.. She must have stayed 2 hours or so.. We had

a good talk.. She informed me Lori would be handling my

case and that she would be coming to visit me to make

sure I am doing ok..this is really nice of Keystone to do such

a good follow up on people that have been there to make

sure they are doing ok and not going back there..

We discussed when I was there and I told her how badly I

felt..how alone, sad and how that first night I cried and cried

that I felt so lost and alone..my boys gone, I couldn't reach

anyone, no computer and couldn't even phone anyone as

it was long distance.. I felt like I had deliberately hurt myself,

that I had put my self into that place for things I really hadnt

done and I was NOT the cause..but I just had NO WHERE

to go..no one wanted me is how I felt and that just about

broke my heart to feel so devastatingly alone.. its such a

bad bad feeling that I would not wish on anyone ever..I hurt

and cried till my heart actually ached.. and it was a

horrible place to be in..I was grateful yes.. to have a clean

place, a bed..food, phone,, but..I was still alone and I had

NO where to go..and the pain..well I cried myself to sleep

that night and many nights while I was there.. many many.

but I did get out.. and I told her I did appreciate i had that

place that did take me in..and they did treat me very well..

but .. I HATED being there..Kelly understood..and she said

like I do "until you LIVE it your self, you have NO idea just

what its like, no matter what it is" and thats just what I say.

Roll in my chair..feel what I feel THEN you will know..but

only when YOU live it..will you really know. I can describe

it .. but the actual being there..you have to feel it yourself.

I did, I know..and I hated that ,, I HOPE I NEVER go there

again..If it happens , which anything is possible . I hope it

does NOT happen to me again..but now I can say .. I KNOW

the devastation these homeless people feel..and I wish i could

help them all..but I cant..and sadly those that can...DONT..

Penny came today, we had pizza for lunch from Little Caesars.

they have a large one for $5.oo..just cheese and sausage or

pepperoni.. I prefer the sausage, the other to me is greasier than

the sausage. it was good ..She took some home and I have a

couple slices in the fridge..She got me a couple bananas and I

like them as long as they don't have any black or dark spots on

them I hate that and I don't like eating soft ones either..I love

bananas sliced long ways on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

that's good stuff.. Im not a big fan of peanut butter. My sister is,

she puts it on EVERYTHING..she made a grilled cheese when

I was visiting her..and it had a weird taste, I asked what was on it..

she said peanut butter !!! Ive not ever had that..and quite honestly

ive not had that again, that was NOT a good thing, for me.

I have been going to bed too early or something as I was up and

wide awake at 2:30 am ..and up all day, I tried to take a desk rest

but my phone rang a few times and both were telemarketers..they

make me so mad.. I do know I have to do something about this bed

tho..first off make it higher ..put the risers under the legs..its too low

and If for some reason I got really sick and had to transfer it would

be very hard, I don't think I would have the strength to lift myself

like I do now when I back into my chair I have to reach back-hold on

and lift UP- back at the same time.its not that easy, and I feel ok.

can you imagine if I was sick? Ive had a runny nose all day, I sure

hope Im not getting a cold-all I would need. They knock me right

down . I havent had one though in ..hmm 2 years or more been a

long time. I hate colds it always goes into bronchitis for me..does

my sis the same way.. I don't think a cold makes anyone happy

tho I bet im NOT the only one that says "WHY ME??" when they

are really sick.

I love being able to get my mail right at my door ..what a treat.. I do

have to say though everytime the mailman puts mail in I think he

lets the lid drop so I know I have mail..I know about the time hes

here but I cant see him out there. When that lid drops it really is

loud and every day all 3 of us jump when we hear that. :-) it scares

me and the boys..we know its comin but gets us off guard every

time..usually the boys are asleep..I wish they would sleep as much

during the night like they do during the day.. I try to aggravate

them and keep them awake during the day..and boy Dutch gets

really pissy.. I had been pestering him all morning making him

stay up too..he got me up..Penny came in and walked up to him,

he was on the back of the chair..I warned her he was not in

a good mood..she reached out to pet him and boy he took a slap

at her..no claws or anything but let her know he wasn't in a good

mood..then he jumps down..and goes up to her.sideways..as

if to say "ok.come on..lets play now" .. she laughed ..shes used

to kitties and rough play. I warn every one that my boys are armed

and dangerous they have claws and that Dutch plays very rough

and if hes really mad will bite..hes bitten me ONCE..and I pinched

him back..hes not done it since..but he will use his claws some

times when hes playing and Im used to playing rough with them.

Its good exercise..they run around in here if anyone saw them they

would think something awful was after them :-) LB,hes is so

laid back its funny, but get him mad..wow..I mean he lets the boy

know real fast whos boss and Dutch is learning LB rules.I kinda

think LB has fun tho when Dutch challenges him..I had to yell

at them today as LB was holding Dutch down till he yelled ..lol..

i think he said UNCLE lol..probly Aunt too as mad as LB was.

they fight then just love all over each other..Kids :-)

Its that time again for me so you know what's next after this..my

bed..my TV and lights out..mine of course..:-) Nitey Nite..:-)

Y'all have a good one, Y'hear? love ya and thanks :-)

Always, Lois ****

God Bless you is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe

until I write again..