~Just Me~

Carla from COA came for her 6 month visit and check up I guess

you would call it.. She is very nice and helpful too..We discussed

the problems at COA , specially the lunch issues, which like I told

her, you can get a new cook, but if your still using the Same recipes

what is going to change? Only thing would have been the cook-ER..

not the cook-ING... We discussed alot of the issues for people in

chairs..she knows many that are that have problems they feel being

accepted..that now they arent seen as who they really ARE..but

WHAT they are.. disabled,, chair bound.. But I think how we see

ourselves..helps others to see us that way..and accepting yourself

is where it has to start..then the chair seems to disappear..you are

just YOU...

Everyone that knows me,like Donnie..he doesn't see me in a chair..

He went and got me my desk for my computer..he called from the store..

said "gran, your gonna need a chair for your desk, they have a nice one

on sale." I laughed..and told him "donnie, honey, I COME with a chair..

He laughed and said "I knew that" and hung up.. we still laugh about that

but He sees ME..the person...

If I accept me, its easy to put others at ease the first time they meet me.

or see me.. My brother knew.. but had not seen me.. he and his wife

walked in the door, looked at me.. and I could see the cloud come

over his face, not knowing how to really react to me.. I laughed..and

rolled up to him..said "HEY.. its still me im just a shorty now" they

smiled..we talked laughed..it was good... they were relaxed with me.

We had a good visit..I think If I would have met them all sad and boo

hooey..they would have been very ill at ease..and been anxious to

leave.. They stayed a very long time..

If I would have shown to them that I was miserable and sad and

just doing a good pity party line they would have probably even

regretted coming to see me... . I get asked quite often if I was

the same feisty person..ok.. Mouthy... person before my legs

were amputated..and yes.. I was.. but now maybe I am a little

more so ..but I am because its maybe a sort of defense system.

I wont hesitate to disagree or agree.. I think the loss of my legs

perhaps made me more bold..more aware that life IS a fight,

that to get anywhere..able bodied or not ..how I see it and re

act to it..will set the pace for others that are in contact with me

and our friendship or what ever can go from there open and

honestly... this chair life is not easy in more ways than one, but

we have to accept it..or its even harder...

I have no accidents to report other than I tore a chunk out of one

of my finger nails.. seems if I put my hand on the big wheel in a

certain spot or area I hit something and it like takes a bite out of

my nail..this is the 2nd finger it got now..on my right hand..today was

the ring finger, last time was the middle finger, I loved showing that

broken nail .. :-) no no..just kidding..I didn't have anyone to show it

to :-) I filed them down and they are both shorter now.. but that's

the worst mishap today and I can handle that.. my nail will grow back.

I wish all that paint I put on and knocked back off on the door facings

here would grow back.. Its like they were not painted at all. I steady

run into them yet..even knowing they are there.. my worst time is at

night if I have to get up..I don't turn any lights on .. in fact I hardly open

my eyes at all ..then I would wake totally up and not get back to sleep

for hours.. I woke up this morning at 230 wide awake and I made a

potty trip.. When I got back to bed I was wide awake.. I watched TV

for over an hour and finally shut it off and went back to sleep till 730

which is late for me.. but Im ready to head back in there...

Lunch today was awful..I don't even know what it was..I have some

of that homemade raspberry jam from Theresa and some peanut

butter..the desert for lunch was a banana so you KNOW where that

is going.. yup..right on my pb&j...sliced nanner on it is VERY good..

sliced long ways.. not slices.. I highly recommend it.. Food, TV and

I may knit a little tonite..im going in there early..."Nitey Nite"

Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear? love ya.. and thanks :-)

Always, Lois ****

God Bless you, is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again.....