~Im Here~

Ive not decided yet about this blog. Ive heard
from some, here and by email and phone.. When
something happens, drama or something that
really upsets me I have a hard time fighting the
blues that seem to swallow me... My worst enemy-
you probly have no idea, but my worst one is the
depression.. it can cause a lot of grief...it can put
you in a very dark place and its a fight to get out.

While I was in the hell home, my main reason for being
there so long was the depression.. Id lost everything,
my husband, my home, all my belongings were stored
somewhere that I didn't know where they were. My
only connection to reality was the Saturday visits from
my sister.. Many times I know she left there, worried
as to what would become of me or even survive..

I saw head shrinkers and ive been on anti depressants.
I was on so many drugs while they tried to stabilize me
and nothing worked.. I don't take any now although my
nurse suggested I do, but if you know me, the less pills
I have to take the better, I question all 13 I take daily,
"Do I HAVE to take them??" Of course the answer is
"YES!" If I want to survive that is... :-)

I know when I get down, I'm tired and whiney and I go
into such slumps and then, like everyone else, I question
WHY this is all happening to me...WHAT did I EVER do
to deserve this... I KNOW you've said it to yourself at
times too, I bet, specially when things don't go well...
And with all the drama this month, well I'm fighting
hard to stay calm but sometimes it doesn't work...
I admit I have a very bad temper and I get mad
very easily.. over the years Ive learned to control
it, but when I get extremely upset, I literally get
sick, down in bed throwing up, sick.. That's why I try
to avoid confrontations..

Ive received many apologies from Don, Ive forgiven him
and I think maybe he really has a better understanding
of how we, especially ME, feels... Either love ALL of me,
or don't love me at all... This GORGEOUS WEEBLE is
still undecided so until then Ill be back, when, a day or
so maybe.. Thanks to all my faithful readers, Keep well
and God Bless...

Always, Lois ****

"God Bless You" is my prayer today,
Im honored to call you 'friend'.
I pray the Lord will keep you safe,
Until I write again....