~I'm Late~ :-)

Im posting late tonite as I have been going around with

my bank as usual.. I hope its straight... Then I had some

other calls to make in hopes of getting this other house to

rent on the lake.. I sure hope I can get it..but from what

Heidi says she found out that none of the CMH grants are

re-newable..which means next October if I don't have a HUD

house or ICKKY apartment I will be back in Keystone again.

The uncertainty of this is maddening.. I think that's why my

dreams are like they are... the ones I remember anyway..

I don't remember most of my dreams.. I found that when I wake

up unless I lay there and think about what I dreamt then I will

remember sometimes.. and the dreams I do remember are

always the same one of looking for a home.. I don't like it..as

I never have found one...in my dreams anyway....I look everywhere

and in my dreams I never see myself..but I see my dreams

through my eyes.. and I am always walking.. I never dream I am

in a chair.. I can honestly say I don't EVER remember a dream

that I have seen myself in a wheelchair.. that's amazing.. but I

havent... Which you would think now I would..

Maybe its the same thing with the phantoms..my head doesn't

see or know me as a amputee..perhaps that's why when I dream

I never see a wheelchair or feel like I am riding..I feel myself

walking...Perhaps my head even though my eyes see me as I

am..that has no bearing on what my brain believes.. I know

when I have gotten some really bad bad phantoms that I just

almost cringe they hurt so badly..I can put my hand over the end

of my stumps..squeeze the end as hard as I can to try to push

this thought into my brain that "HEY, THE LEG ENDS HERE!"

but it doesn't work.. Ive tried that many times and the pain will

continue and not even let up until I guess my brain realizes its

hurt long enough or something.. I had always considered my

self a smart person..but if my brain cant realize that Im missing

most of my legs..well gives me pause for thought as to just

HOW smart I really am.. :-)

I didn't hear from Ken again today..and for the record.. well- I am

NOT going to worry about this man or his kids..or anything that

hes supposed to do.. Im sick of all the drama.. I know if I do

spend the winter here I will have Heidi make sure he fixes the

window in the kitchen and the door.. as far as anything else..

well I will only have 1 more year here too..without the grant I

couldn't afford this place either.. I wanted a 2 bedroom house

and hopefully I could get a little sewing business going.. Ive

already had a couple people ask me about doing alterations..

and if I advertised right perhaps I could make some quilts to

sell.. I have to do something... and Ive only got a year to do it..

I have to remember to phone my sister tomorrow as its her

birthday..she always remembers mine.. I had to set 3 alarms

to remind me today and I have 3 set for tomorrow.. I may phone

her tonite as there are some things I need to ask her about HUD

houses which Im sure she will know.. I need to remember my

way into the kitchen too.. Ive been up since 5 and I am hungry

as lunch was "you guess it day" and my butt is screaming at

me to GET OFF.. so this GORGEOUS WEEBLE has to say

it one more time "Nitey Nite!" :-)

Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear? love ya and thanks :-)

Always, Lois ****

God Bless you, is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again.....