~4 Years Ago~

I was thinking back to when I moved in here and what I do remember
about it, and its not much. I had only had my left leg taken in Nov.
so it was only about 2 months. They were not going to let me leave
the hellhome, I had a bad infection in my left stump and until they
had a nurse set up 3 times a week to come and see me would they
agree to let me leave there.

If it wasnt for the sweet lady Mona, I would never have gotten
out of there. Sadly Ive found out the program she was working
with that helped people to re-adjust to living on their own has
been stopped I think I was the last one they helped.. Now how
fortunate was that? She was so helpful.. I could NOT have done
it with out her.. She was amazing..

When I started packing at the hellhome.. each shift for 2 days
someone would come in and offer to help me move. Most of
the girls that worked there were really nice to me.. and my
room was always kind of the meeting place, someone was
always stopping by. They all said they were sad to see me
go, they knew how I tried to help my dearies in there, and
how the directors of the departments didnt like me too well.

Most of them were there when I got there and watched me
disintegrate in size and mentally as well. I was kept so
drugged in there as I was just NOT handling the pain and
the depression had set in so badly. I lost ground quite
rapidly and then lost my legs. I lost so much weight they
threatened me with all sorts of dire things if I didnt start
to eat again.. When I reached 99 pounds they got VERY
serious.. and someone was appointed to make sure I did
or they would put in a tube and feed me that way, I
started to eat. HA~!~ I haven't STOPPED YET!! lol

I went thru a period in there that I fell asleep at the drop of
a hat. No warning, even in the middle of a word. I have NO idea
what the reaason was only thing I guess was because of the
medications that they changed on me constantly.. I fell out of
my chair I know 3 times..and they finally decided something
had to be done. What ever it was they stopped giving me I did
stop the falling asleep so fast. I did it off and on even while I
was out of there but not as bad. I did fall asleep once in front
of my fridge while I was sitting there deciding what I wanted
to eat.. for about 45 minutes I know.. I always know the time,
I have Clocks EVERYWHERE...lol...

But I do remember when I rolled thru the door here the good
feeling I had.. My own place, totally dependent on ME, that I
had to do this re-start pretty much by myself. I knew no one
in this town, building or anywhere close. But I would see more
people than I do today. The only real bad bad part of the
move in was the first caregiver they sent me, she was NOT a
good person charged up a lot of things, like my phone and
cable and then left after 6 weeks. I got left with the bills..One
place still calls me wanting paid. I explained it wasnt my bill I
didnt do it, but the phone was in my name, im responsible.

Doing things here for myself were alot different that took quite
a long time to adjust to. Back there I could turn on my light
when I couldnt reach something, now all that does it is light
up a room here lol... be nice tho, now that I think of it. I had
to find my grabber today and I couldnt find it anywhere. when
I did I couldnt get to it. It had fallen behind my table and I
did try used everything I could think of and just could not
get it. My sis will probly be here saturday or maybe next and
she can get it for me. My light doesnt work the same way here.

I do remember how scared I was. Being like this.. I did feel so
vulnerable and worried alot..and I didnt try to do alot it was
a slow process to be like I am today where I have adapted my
own way of doing things. I still have no caregiver.. But I am
finding out if I keep a sharp eye out I dont leave a mess and
keep up on things I do ok. I know how I cried daily. I did. I still
was fighting the depression.. and I would retreat into myself
when I would just sit and stare out the window, when the
thrill of the day was guessing how many cars were in the parking
lot of that business I could see . I still dont know what kind of
cmpany it is.. 4 years and Ive not been on that road over there.

I have to say things have greatly improved since that first day
here. My things when they arrived helped me adjust too. Now
this place is so full of MY things.. I have to sort out stuff. I have
a habit of saving EVERYTHING. well you know, I might need
it some time...lol. But things HAVE greatly improved.. I got this
puter..THAT is a MAJOR improvment.

Talking about stuff to get rid of..lol.I have 1 of my Stuffed cabbage
rolls left.. and Yup.. i am headed to the kitchen. it HAS to be
gotten rid of by way of MY mouth lol. They were so good.. I dont
know what I did but I hope I remember the NEXT time I make
them...lol...

Y'all have a good one y'hear? luv ya.. & thanks..
Always, Lois***

May God Bless you today,

I'm so honored to call you friend,

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...