~Looking Back~

I have been thinking back to when all this really started - trying to

figure out when I can say ..THIS is the beginning.. I think it goes

back as far as 10 years. when I try to put a date on when the signs

that I now know were the beginning..the very start ...perhaps 15,

now that i really think about it..

I had trouble with my feet when I would walk, this was back when the

doctor then said i had severe arthritis in my feet and heels...As long

as I stayed standing there was no pain.. when I would sit for a while

then go to stand the pain was awful.. the doctor predicted then I

would be in a chair with in 10 years at least if not sooner.. and I guess

I was..but not for arthritis.

Back in about 93, is when i really noticed the calf pain and read some

little booklets about pvd.. and it showed how the calf of the leg would

cramp after walking..how when you walked they would ache then when

you sat it would get a little worse then go away..which it did.. As it

progressed with each leg bypass and the abdominal one.. by then

when I walked my feet would turn white and ice cold. I remember once

looking down and i was standing on a white kitchen floor and I couldnt

see my feet it seemed, they turned so white and hurt just horribly,
to walk was agony and my legs were VERY weak, and I was in a chair
even before my amputations. I had neuropsy in both.

The one thing I keep trying to remember is when they told me that It

was possible that I would lose my legs..and until the day I was laying

in a hospital bed..waiting for the amputations that I was told this was

a possibility...not before.. If I was , I dont remember.. not even after

my leg bypasses or either of the 2 abdominal OR the heart.. No one

told me this could happen.. Yet all these bypasses were from PVD.


Most people when they see an amputee they think that its from being
a diabetic. thats what it is mostly connected with it.. I am NOT a
diabetic. Not saying I wont develop that, since my sister was just
diagnosed and my neice has been for quite a while. Even being a nurse,
I had not heard about pvd, but then it used to be called hardening of
the arteries, which all my arteries and veins are seriously bad.

I wonder why they never told me or was it I just did NOT hear it?

I do know all of my learning.. I have found out on my own..by doing

and trying suggestions. Ive listened to therapists, pain mangement
doctors, friends. My Vascular doctors always seemed in too big a
hurry and if I sat too long asking things they seemed to get most
disturbed..ready to get to the next patient. I think no one wants the
responsibility of saying THIS is HOW it is and EXACTLY what is going
to happen to you. So we have to just play it by ear which is exactly what
I am doing. We all are so different, what works for me may not for some
one else. or vice versa. Every day a new obstacle seems to present itself..
well for example how to carry a pail of water..lol, since its going to be a
daily job, I am diligently seeking a solution. and a tea cart may be the
answer.

I am wondering what I will learn thru the course of this year. I have
learned alot during this past one that is for sure and I have NO doubt
there is ALOT more to learn in this one that is ahead...But looking back,
I did NOT expect that this is where I would be now. But I am, and so be
it.. and ON I go. Each Tomorrow is a gift, when it gets here, its the
PRESENT.. and I LOVE presents.. :-) Speaking of which, I have a
birthday this month.. the 20th.. *HINT HINT* :-)


Well its kitchen cruisin time again. Lunch was awful, of course, but I
am not really hungry I had some of the great spaghetti that I made
and THAT was GOOD. I may just get some tapioca pudding I have
out there, sounds good. So i'm looking, but in the kitchen :-)


Y'all have a good one y'hear? Luv ya, thanks for the great comments
and letters. I LOVE them all, the great suggestions you send and all
the caring concern, means so much, that you take the time to write
to tell me things that will help.. It so deeply appreciated..THANKS ~!
Please don't hesitate to write to me, I WILL reply. :-)

Always, Lois***

May God Bless you today,

I'm so honored to call you friend,

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...