~What To Write~

Can you believe it I just have NO idea what to write about

today.. My mind is a total blank..well, no ..Im sitting here

thinking how tired I am and its only 430 and when I post

this at 5 which ive been trying to do..and I go to bed by

6 or so, depending on how many replys I have to send in

email..which lately havent been that many. I don't really

email as much as I used to, but I only get mail from a

certain few..and then not but maybe once a week if that.

I enjoy email though.. I use that Incredimail program, I

like it.. I did learn the hard way on that like I did my other

stuff on this computer .. NEVER upgrade ..I found out

real fast.. I upgraded my Windows Media..and I had to

do a total systems restore to get my Incredimail back.

and with out that ..well I would be most upset..Its a fun

thing.. all you can do with it.. and it keeps me out of a lot

of trouble too..I really don't get into trouble though not very

much anyway lol..

I had been thinking of my cousin June up North and the

family still up there. I have a cousin Ronnie, that well hes

been a favorite cousin of mine since I was a little girl. Hes

so handsome..always was .. and the sweetest man. Hes

like a bigger version of my dad. His father was my dad's

brother Richard. Ronnie has always been an out doors guy,

he worked for the county and plowed roads in the winter

and did the cutting on the sides of the roads during the

summers..He and my dad went hunting a lot or fishing.
Ronnie built a log cabin up on a hill overlooking a lake..

and built a bunk house and all the other buildings himself.
He cut the trees and took them to his father in laws saw

mill and built his cabin..The lake..Cable Lake..is a trophy

lake.. which means you can only take HUGE fish..over a

certain size ..they do that so the smaller ones can grow to

be huge and then when you are lucky to catch one you know

its going to be a huge fish..mainly Northern Pike..Like the

one I caught only even bigger than that..They get big. Many

times Ronnie has had to cut trees or plow the road to get

to his cabin..very few live on this lake as most of it is privately

owned. Its a wonderful place, very remote..

I wonder sometimes since I became an amputee about how

I would swim, if I would sink like a rock.. I was a very good

swimmer before..and I would guess I still would be ..just not

have the 'kick' power I did before and do like I do now..just

use my arms more to keep myself afloat..I know how to do

that and that doesn't take legs..so I would think I could.. be

interesting to find out.. I don't and well wont go to that health

club down the road to use the pool.. I cant do that. If I had a

pool of my own..or knew someone that did have a private

one..but im not going into a public pool..no way..Ive heard

too many ugly stories about that and as easily as I get Crap,

infections etc . no Im not going there..

As sensitive as the scar is on my left stump I wouldn't dare..I

can just look at that thing wrong and it will flare up and get

red and mean looking..so I don't temp fate with these things..

specially my left.. I have never had that first bit of healing

trouble with my right..well yes I did..where they had done a

angio gram and gone in thru my groin..it got infected and I

had to have that cleaned and scraped.. I was in hospital

for that though and I don't remember a lot of it.. That first

year of hell as I call it..in 2000 , I honestly don't remember

a lot and I cant put months or dates on what happened

that year like a lot of stuff in 2001, I remember what did

happen but lots seems like I dreamt it and I wasn't sure if

it was real and did happen.

I know just after my 1st lower amputation..when I had just

had it done.. I woke up in the middle of the night..and

I had to potty..well I looked around for the nurse..saw the

door to the bathroom and got up and hit the floor..I woke

up and had, I guess just forgotten that that right leg was gone.

but its like now..I still feel them, I know where my feet are all

the time..most of the time they feel cramped and just plain

hurt..well not plain .but HURT lol..and ache..sometimes my

toes, I can feel each one and they each hurt and feel so tight

and cramped that I have to concentrate on them really hard

as that is the only way I can get it thru to my brain, "hey,

the toes are really GONE!"

Donnie is doing ok..not a happy camper. I knew he would

not be. I called and checked on him tonite and he was in

the tub..hes so active and this is hard on him to sit still..I

think he has his computer up and running so he may get

on line for something to do..and too he has the dog and the

cat to keep him company while Dawn is at work, when she

gets home she just baby's him..but hes a good guy and he

deserves it..I hate to see him hurt..but I guess all moms are

that way..I had to yell at the boys here today for the stuff

they were getting into and Dutch tore down the curtain here

on the window by the couch.. I hate when I have to yell at

them I feel so bad and guilty..makes me just wanna take

them off so it wont happen again..thats why I sleep with the

light on now ..just to stop his shadow chasing and its working

good. I get to sleep for longer lengths of time..and the light

on doesnt bother me at all, im used to it..when Im tired my

eyes close so I dont know its on :-) Im off so is it :-)

I said at the beginning I didn't know what to write and well

I think I found something as this is the seventh paragraph :-)

I can go to so many different thoughts in such a short time

that then when I try to remember what the very first one is.

I don't remember! I hate when that happens :-) well I know

what I have to write now..cuz I need some of that chili that

Penny made for me today and then Im gonna TRY and

watch some TV ..I say that EVERY nite and never get to

see a whole program :-) but I do know what to write now,

and that's "Nitey Nite"

Y'all have a good one now , Y'hear? love ya ..and thanks. :-)

Always, Lois ****

God Bless you is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe

until I write again..