~Who's That?~

I take these photos of myself..and I go thru them from time

to time, I look at them..and I KNOW its me..but then, I look

and I don't see ME. I just do not recognize myself as looking

like that. I had a floor length mirror and sometimes I would

sit and just look at myself..up and down..I would try to imagine

where my knees were and where my feet would be. I can

feel them there, and then to see that I am seeing nothing, it

just doesn't seem to register. Its like "WHO is THAT?"

When I get the phantoms, and a cramp or that ice pick starts

jabbing my heel..or when I get a bad charlyhorse in the calf

of my leg. I put my hands over the ends of my stumps..and

try to really concentrate on the fact that they are gone..and

it still doesn't work. They still feel that they are there. I had

phantoms so bad that my whole stump would move, like

It was jumping each time that ice pick jabbed my heel or

when it felt like a hand was squeezing the muscle in my

leg, my toes when they cramp and my whole foot feels

like its there but on backwards, or I am on my very tip of

my toes and super cramped up.. I don't understand why

my head wont accept it that they are gone..It knows how

smart I am :-D...

I notice the more I do of a day, cleaning or reaching, things

I really shouldn't do I notice by evening I am having a hard

time to sit as both of my stumps are aching and I have to

steady move and shift my weight around to relieve the

achyness..Some times by the time I post here I am so

very ready to get out of this chair I cant stand it, and I just

close everything done whether Ive finished everything I

needed to do or not. When I do finally get in there on my

bed it takes a while to get them to settle.. I find if I lay on

my back as flat as I can and do my stumpercizes, like a

range of motion for each one it helps..they seem to calm

down and I can actually feel that my invisible leg is where

its supposed to be flat out in front of me.. When I wake I

lay for a minute to see where I am and what do I feel.

I know I did a lot yesterday, we both did, Penny is a very

hard worker and so very nice. She does an excellent job.

She has fun playing with the boys, they wait for her, they

know when she is sposta be here. Dutch even gets

pouty after she leaves sometimes. My bed room looks

nice, still more to do in it..as I want to get a bigger closet

or wardrobe I guess it would be. I hate when my clothes

are just jammed in a closet and get all wrinkled... Drives

me batty,just like if I see cat hair on me, which is a never

ending battle. But that's just something you put up with

when you have kitties.. I keep threatening to get a new

baby but I dunno if the boys would like that..be fun tho

to have a baby one.. I wish I could have a dog..but as

small as this place is there is just not enough room for

one..the fight would be on then.. I woke up this morning

with all 3 cats in bed with me..I don't like when LB puts

his girlfriend up on my bed, but I cant say anything to

him..he loves her dearly.. If that stuffed cat ever falls

apart I don't know what LB will do.. He drags that cat

all over in here..hes embarrassing, but a good kid.

Its actually cool in here today and I love it and am savoring

every second cuz I know how hot its gonna be this summer.

I tried to turn on the ceiling fan and LB is still scared of it. I

am going to try to turn it on every now and then and maybe

he wont be so afraid of it.. I cant imagine what he thinks it

could be.. I havent heard if Donnies parents made it here,

I will call a little later on..They are really great people, they

live in Wisconsin..about a 3 hour drive or so from here.

They like coming to visit Donnie now since he lives on a

lake..specially Bill..he gets on the pontoon and has big

fun fishing with Donnie..they both love to fish.. First time

he took his dad on the pontoon, Bill fell getting on it cuz

the dock was higher...when Bill left Donnie lowered his

dock..he said "my dad will never fall again on my boat"

hes a good son...

Time to close this down and get my GORGEOUS
WEEBLE butt out of this chair for the rest of the night

and go and watch TV and do some stumpercizes.. I

am hungry too..I think another slice of that good bread

will be just what I need.. I need to say "Nitey Nite" :-)

Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? love ya and thanks!!

ALways, Lois ****

God Bless you is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe

until I write again..