~Discouraged~

One thing I have really noticed about amputee life is

how easy, VERY easy, it is to get discouraged. I think that

then leads to the depression and for some, they cant

get past it.. Its not really easy to keep going on, so

many daily little things that you HAVE to deal with..For

instance, every time I turn my chair on, and I move that

joy stick it clicks. Do you have ANY idea how tired I am

of hearing those clicks? I used to live next door to a

church with a bell that rang all the time, I lived next to

the railroad tracks ! But after a while I didn't hear them,

or pay attention to them.. These clicks? I am SO TIRED

of hearing them, to me they are a CONSTANT reminder

that I am in this chair, every time I move, I hear the

clicks reminding me and I cant blot out this sound like I

could the train or the bell...

My hands, arms and especially my thumbs, when they act

up and it makes it so hard for me to sew, I get discouraged

and think "WHY do I EVEN TRY?" No matter WHAT I do,

no matter if I back up or go forward, it seems everything

is getting harder and harder to cope with. I think everything

is going along so nice, that maybe FINALLY I am really ok,

things are running smoothly, then something happens to show

me "Don't get comfy, this is a never ending battle". And I get

discouraged .. THEN the really BAD part about that is, I whine

to my friends and to my self even ! I HATE when I do that.

Rebecca was here yesterday and we had a nice visit. I told her

how I feel, what I can do and what I cant. And if that was NOT

acceptable, then I have NO idea what to do. She again assured

me not to worry I wont be evicted or have to move. I am going

to trust her on this and NOT worry, well not as much, maybe.

I offered to give up my extra food I get every month, which

will make it kinda hard, but its ok, I just don't want to move,

and I WILL do what I can to prevent it, but I feel CMH should

accept some of the responsibility and offer us some other course

of action than to just pay it and shut up.. When they accept my

offer of what I am able to do with out causing myself hardship,

THEN I'll sign their paper and increase my monthly rent amount.

BUT not until then... She will let me know ...

Well I still have 2 more pairs of shorts to finish up for Alex.

the camo pair is cute. I'm debating on making a matching top.

I really enjoy sewing, for me its a cooler downer, my sewing

room used to be my sanctuary, I would go in there and find

something to make and all my thoughts concentrated on that

and before I knew it I had really made something nice but

what was the best part, was how much time had gone by that

I hadnt thought about what was bothering me that I needed

to get away to "Sewing Land". :-) I do that now.. it works
for a while but not as long as it used to..:-)

Whats gonna work now is lunch. I am hungry. Penny didn't

cook yesterday as I just didn't know what I wanted, not

anything sounded good.. I ended up eating a egg salad

sandwich, it was ok. I hadnt had one in a while. I think I

have some spaghetti sauce in the freezer that I may thaw

and make some angel hair pasta. Sounds good :-) So THAT

means its time for this GORGEOUS WEEBLE to warn ya,

"I'll be back !"

Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear? luv ya and thanks !

Always, Lois ****

"God Bless You", is my prayer today.

I'm honored to call you Friend.
I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again....