~Things I Remember~

I don't know what made me think of this today,

maybe talking about what is ahead and remembering

what is past.. I think about my year, well a little

over a year, that I was in the hell home.. I'm not

positive on what I remember and what was told to

me.. but when I REALLY think on it.. It has to be

what I myself am remembering.. some things were

funny, NOW.. and some were scarey, THEN and

even NOW.. that my mind could have been that

bad.. to think of the things I remember thinking...

Things like the dust bunnies, the yellow ants.. the

people that lived at the foot of my bed.. and the

curtains.. I saw a show on TV, I don't remember

what it was ... was on last night.. Showed a woman

waking up.. and seeing curtains all around her bed,

lightly blowing.. waving in a breeze.. I remember

waking up to something like that.. Hers were clear

plastic.. mine were white curtains, gently blowing..

and I could hear voices.. and I had NO IDEA as

to where I was.. and the bad thing was.. I was

scared to move to find out... That was a horrible

feeling..

I got up enough courage to get into my chair.. I

rolled through the curtains.. not knowing what I

would see.. I saw a door with a bright light in

a hallway, another door across from mine.. I slowly

rolled up to the door.. my heart was pounding .. I

could almost see my chest moving up and down it

was beating so fast.. Suddenly the opposite door

opened and a lady came out.. very cheerfully she

said "Good Morning Lois.. How are you today?"..

I must have had a totally confused look on my face

while I looked at her and said.."who are you?"

She laughed and went down the hall.. I guess she

thought I was kidding.. I had NO idea who she was..

let alone trying to figure out was I Lois? :-) I know

I sat there... just looking around.. trying to see if I

knew anything.. or recognized anything.. I didn't..

Time wise I don't really know how long this lasted..

I know I sat there trying to figure out who, what,

where, and mainly WHY!... Slowly it came back to

me... Jan, the head nurse, when I recognized her

being next to me, talking to me.. her hand on my

shoulder.. she was saying.. "Lois? Are you ok? Can

I help you?" I must have just sat there until I

knew who I was... I told her later that I woke up

totally confused, didn't recognize anything.. she

said it probly was from all the medications I was

on for the depression.. plus the depression itself

could trigger that.. a way of escaping and not seeing

how things really were.. at this time I was already

a RAK.. Right Above Knee amputee.. Maybe I just

hadnt really accepted it.. YET.... but then .... will

I ever?

I guess you could say Ive accepted it.. I have NO

choice.. don't mean I havta like it.. Maybe back

then I was fighting it.. Maybe the depression was

a way to protect my mind.. from so much awful

stuff happening at one time.. Losing a husband,

home, belongings.. leg.. not counting other surgeries.

So maybe these wanderings off to dust bunny land

or talking to the people that came out of my closet

was really helping me..giving me something to do..

I believed David, my ex would sneak thru there to

try to get me outside.. knowing I would get in big

trouble if I went out there.. :-) Amazing isnt it.?

The mind is an amazing thing.. It can protect us

but then it can destroy us too.. I'm glad mine

decided to protect me.. :-)

Well This GORGEOUS WEEBLE is gonna go help

Penny make 3 pasties.. I talked to my boy last

night, and apparently whilst at work, working on

a vehicle.. taking out the drive shaft.. it fell.. hit

him in the head, that he just had surgery on last

week.. he has a concussion, and a HUGE knot on

his head.. They sent him to the ER.. and hes ok..

but.. well worries me.. He said hes gonna come by

tonite.. to sorta ease my mind that hes ok.. so we

are gonna surprise him with a pasty.. Maybe 2..

one for his lunch...:-)

Penny just made it back from the store so I am

gonna peel potatoes, as many as I can.. I like to

help.... I cant do a lot before my arms and thumbs

start to ache...But I TRY!!! .. :-) So...anyhoway...

This GORGEOUS WEEBLE is gonna post this, oh,

by the way, I feel pretty good.. the pains arent

as often.. You KNOW what I say to that! "THANK
YOU LORD!!" But...Remember! I shall return !! :-)

Always, Lois ****

God Bless You, is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend".

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...