What do the Scars feel like?

I get asked different questions every day by someone and I usually
will answer in a letter..I've been asked this question quite a few times,
and well you know me...so here's my 2 cents worth.. They feel like
scars ~!~ :-D lol..no just kidding...they both feel differently as each stump
the scar is quite different, as far as looks and as to how they feel when
I touch them. You can see how differently they look...

My right stump has been partially conditioned, it was put into what I
call a binder..which I am sure is not the real name of what it is..so that
stump is shaped differently, it feels the same but to look at both you
can see a definite difference in each stump..The right scar is like any
good surgical scar, flat, and a little rough. and it isnt really sensitive
any more so than any of the other scars ive had from surgical procedures
Approximately 1/4 inch accross. The scar for the amputation..starting
from the outside right goes around the end of my stump..and continues
down the other side and looks as tho it is a continuous scar that connects
to the one that is there from when they took the vein out for the heart
bypass..

For that bypass they cut my right leg from the groin to below
the knee to take out the vein they needed which I think was a start of
the slow degeneration of my right leg and why it was the first to go
when the left had been bypassed more times. The scar continues
thru my groin and connects to the scar of the abdominal bypass
and then to the heart bypass. The doctor commented on how I had
ONE continous scar from under my chin to around to the outside
of my right stump..I believe he chuckled a bit..My remark I think
was to the effect "well...Why did you not put in a zipper then, then
I wouldnt have to go thru this every time I needed some repair
work done and I wouldnt have to go thru the agony of staple removal."
He THOUGHT I was KIDDING ! ! ! I wasnt!! lol..save alot of wear
and tear on me! I dont think That has been invented yet..but the
way things are going theres no telling ..I hear super glue is working
pretty good lol...stop the staples? Would work for me!...

The left stump is nothing like the right. in looks feel or sensation..
The picture up top, you can see they look totally different..My
LovelyLittleLegs are quite distinguishable from someone elses.
The left, was so severely infected for over a year, and the scar
didnt heal . When a incision is infected they have to heal from
the inside out..they cant..well didnt mine, restaple it closed..Even
if I had gone for what they call a dermabrasion(?) in other words
kinda scrape it out? the incision is left wide open to heal..I heal
VERY slowly. The end of the scar or where it starts perhaps, I
dont know which side was first..but on the left side of the left
stump goes all the way around the end and at the other end of
it about 3 inches or so of it is very wide..approximately inch
across, is very rough to the touch, and is deeper..causing the
end of that stump to have a folded over end look. I am not
pleased with the artwork of it as I call it..

The sensation I feel when I touch it or examine it ? which is
quite often, daily at the VERY least..I keep a very close check
because of the infection I had and if I had to go thru that again?
ohh Lord..shoot me at dawn PLEASE!!! I have serious doubts
I would survive another anongizing ordeal like that again.
When I touch it, or rub my fingers across it..it is VERY sensitive..
I feel every slight touch and it seems to radiate deep inside my
stump. Dutch or LB sometimes will jump up just their little feet,
and if I dont see them (blind in left eye) and wasnt expecting that,
I feel a instant sort of electrical shocky feel that will make me jump.
Its extremely sensitive.

It is curious that even tho they are both connected to me..both stumps,
that the appearance, and the sensations are so different in each of them
Also, the end of the left scar on the inside..there is another smaller scar
that is connected at that wide spot and that's from one of the other by
passes done, a fempop I believe it was called, that goes up to my groin..

I think the left stump is the most sensitive and how long it will stay
that way I have NO idea. I do know a cat scratch across any part of
either of them hurts like crazy, thats happened a few times, not on
purpose..by accident, my boys and I play rough sometimes..and they
get excited and slip, they are good cats and would NEVER hurt me..
I worry about them if I did have to go back for more procedures who
would care for my boys... worries me.

I hope that describes the feeling of the scars, as time goes by I am
hoping the left wont be so sensitive. but the bad part on that scar
still is red..and at times if i put lotion on it will let me know .."DO
NOT PUT ANYTHING THERE!" lol..it is quite delicate even after
all this time..November, 22, 2001, be 4 years soon.I remember
the nite before, when the Dr. told me after rushing me to hospital,
"Lois. the leg has to come off NOW !"..I cried, he said.." WHY ! are
you crying its GOT to come off"..I cried anyway, refused to go
until the next morning when I knew my sis would be there. I had
no doubt. in fact she was already on her way, ...Seems like there
was never a time that I wasnt like this ..yet, seems only yesterday
I woke up that night, seeing the now 2 empty places where my legs
should have been, reminding me of the first time..when I REALLy
saw my right leg gone. Needless to say,I cried, my first thought was.
"God.... what, do I do now?"

I had a LAZY Satday as I call them. I got caught up on my mail..and
my Inbox is a tad empty *HINT HINT*....just waiting for reply's
now lol...and I made my satday special, my french fries'n gravy.. I
got the clicker for blind people ..haha..and I did get thru I think about
30 more channels, before these eyes slammed shut and I had a VERY
nice nap. My back is better, my angel wings are not crying as much,
my upper arms are still sore tho. Gettin better :-) Was a good week.

I have no plans for Sunday, maybe just to get some things started on
the problems here with the COA (commission on aging) concerning what
I consider discrimination, abuse, intimidation and a violation of my rights.
I think of those seniors that are afraid to stand up and fight for their rights,
for fear the COA will tell them if they dont go along with their changing
rules that their home services will be terminated. I guess if 1 starts a ball
rolling maybe a few along the way will give it a little push and it WILL get
to the right people and something will be done. Maybe THATS my purpose
in ALL of this besides telling all I know to the world!! lol.

well I'll give it that first push..they pushed ME FIRST.! so ok..come on..I'll
play this game..but I bet I WIN...I'm sure gonna try. I got some excellent
advice on how to tell this stuff today and I AM going to do it..This affects
not just the Seniors here ( I was given a waiver to join the COA because I
was an amputee and NOT a senior) but seniors anywhere that have to deal
with the COA....This is NOT over..trust me...l..I LOVE a good fight..
I can give you some references on that.. :-) well right is right , wrong is
wrong..Period..and thats my final answer... on that anyway :-D

I woke up from my nap, and rushed here to write all this , just to make
my day brighter,, it always does to come here and write to myself and
really to all of you out there that I know read this too. I again want to
say, I LOVE the mail..and the IM's and the comments left here..means
alot to me..that you are reading this..and maybe I am helping in some
way to explain just what this is like, I am sure I am not the only one
that does..but we all see things so differently and this is how I feel, and
I cannot guess how another amputee feels...they are not me. Look up
top again...THAT is me..NOW, and hey ..admit it..aint I gorgeous???
lol come on, aww SAY it...its ok.!. I KNOW IT !!! :-)

I'm off for my nightly snack AGAIN..this is a nightly routine as I eat
my main meal at noon..and only snack at night. LB is over there sniffin
at the Pringles can, and I think he's tryin to tell me something, Dutch?
hmmm hes pretty quiet, time to check on WHAT he is doing. . . So..we
here that live in my little world bid you Good Nite, sweet dreams !!
.
Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear? luv ya, and thanks :-)
Always, Lois ***

PLEASE..I know this photo will be taken, if you do it is fine..BUTT..
PLEASE.. DO NOT POST it or put that GORGEOUS photo anywhere
but in YOUR care..NO where else? Thanks :-) hope you like it...