~Gettin Ready For Christmas~

Only 20 days till Christmas, 6 more after that and a whole new year
again.. Where did this one go? I have only some Christmas lights up.
I could put something on my door I guess, but as the years since my
divorce and becoming a dak, Christmas is not the same as I have spent
it alone since I went to my sisters in 2000. And I remember very little
of it. I had just broken my leg the month before and I was miserable.

I stayed overnight I know, and of course there was a bad storm that
year, well there is every year, if you live in Michigan..lol...but we did
have a lot and I never was good at riding or driving in the snow, even
having lived in it all my life. But thats the joys of snow country. My
brother in law came and picked me up and brought me back. My sis
has a large family, 5 children all with children, so her house was full.
It is every year as this is tradition for them. Since I moved back to
Indiana I have always been included in their gathering every
Christmas Eve after the Church Service.

I remember not sleeping I was so miserable..my right leg ached, so
horribly, and broken and in that air boot, just almost hanging there,
all they were doing was waiting for it to die I think, knowing it
would not heal as the blood supply was so limited to it. When they
took the vein out for the heart bypass, that weakened it even more.
I remember waking during the nite and just sitting there in the
dark , my sis had left the tree lights on and it was so quiet and I
could see the snow falling outside and I sat and just cried..not
knowing what was ahead and I guess I was scared to death. The
thought of always waking up like this, all alone in the middle of
the night was not a good thought. I stayed up waiting for my sis to
get up, I think, I know by the time I remember it being daylight
I was so miserably in pain that I was just sitting there rocking
back and forth telling my sister I had to go back to the hellhome,
I knew there, as badly as I hated it, I was where I could rest
better and I could sleep, they made sure I did by the drugs they
gave me....Thats all I remember of that Christmas.

I could say the same about all of the ones since then as well, as
they have all just been just days for me like any of the others
as they are mostly alone. I think tho, by having this computer
like I have said, I dont live here,,, I live HERE. This is where
ALL my friends live but 2. And I can say I have 100's HERE
where I live. What a difference and I am really grateful for that.
I'm NEVER alone, as long as I have my computer, arent they
a blessing? They give us fits but, sure give alot of life to a person.

I do have a tree, a small little fiber optic, they are the prettiest
things. The first Christmas that I had LittleBoy all he did was
sit and look at all the lights for a while and just walk off as if
to say "ok big deal, ho ho ho". He hasn't changed...Dutch? well
he's a different story! He saw the tree and I KNOW he said to
himself "welllll ! Merrry Christmas to me! let me climb that
tree!!!" and he tried lol. He was only a few months old, well
they both were born in August, LB in 2001, and Dutch in
2002. So Dutch was small enough to climb it and many times
I have dragged him out of that tree. I guess that may be a
reason why I dont put it back up, either. He still refuses to
leave it alone he thinks everything in here is for his enjoy
ment lol..including me, he's laying here next to my flashy
monitor, Im hoping Santa brings me a new one this year, that
would be great, this one really worries me.

Jane was here today and cleaned and went shopping, we werent
too sloppy over the weekend so she didnt have major cleaning
to do..She did inform me when she left here friday she was
really sick and spent sat and sunday in bed with a horrible
stomach virus.....guess I gave it to her, she was fine today tho,
where I still dont feel the greatest, she did hang some lights for
me I do like Christmas lights, looks pretty in here I will admit.
I have stars glued to the ceiling in my bedroom that glow in
the dark, they are so pretty to see at nite when I wake up and
look up at there.

I think its time to go and look at them again lol.. need to check
see if they are all there. LB's favorite spot is on the corner of
the bed, hes laying there and of course his girlfriend is there
next to him...I have weird kids lol...they look identical and yet
arent related at all. Theyre very spoiled but worth it.. If I
didnt have them, I probly would just crawl into this monitor..
HA! like I would fit lol..dont I wish LOL, I look at how wide it is
and I'm laughin' , hmmm am I THAT thin enough to fit? Some
parts might, butt I doubt if others would :-D

Well I'm off to check out my stars,
Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya, thanks..!
ALways, Lois***

May God Bless you today,

I'm so honored to call you friend,

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...