~My First Year As A DAK ~

I was chatting with a friend today and the subject came up of what the first year was like when I first became a DAK. To be honest, I really don't remember very much of it other than the intense excruciating daily pain and agony. I DO remember that all too well... The only way they would agree to let me move out of the hellhome was if I agreed to have a nurse come here and take care of the infection in my stump. I agreed I wanted out of there so badly, to be FREE.. The picture is one of the very first I took of myself, with some lovely Iris's that were sent to me, "Just Because" just like the roses I got this past Christmas... from a very dear friend, I was alot thinner then as you can see.. Not sure of the date of this..I am so careless about doing that, it was taken with my first cam.. All my other very first pictures are trapped in my other computer. I am not positive of the date of my left amputation other than I know it was a few days before Thanksgiving, 2001. In January 2002, on about the 11th or so I moved into this apartment.. I did have help from a program that disability resource center had and has only lately restarted, that helped me get out of the hellhome and start my own life again. I couldnt have done it without their help and Mona's of course.. She was a blessing let me tell you..All I had to do was roll thru the door with my few belongings I had at the home...She set up everything.... The nurse came on Monday, wednesday and fridays. And it was one of the most awful experiences I can say I ever had to endure. I honestly dont know to this day how I made it thru that. Many times when the nurse would change the dressings and try to clean and apply new cream etc on it that I would come so close to just passing right out from the horrible pain. So much so that it got to where she had to give me injections into my stump to deaden it so I felt nothing until after she was gone..Then the agony really would start... Before she got here I would get so upset and cry knowing what was coming as I would sit and watch the time click by, knowing she was on her way and how badly it was going to hurt..and there was no way I could avoid it I had no choice.. Many times I know I cried to please just kill me dont do this to me. I felt I was being tortured.. I had to go thru this or agree to go back and have the stump redone and start all over from scratch again.. I couldnt go back..I wanted it over.. My nurse was so sympathetic..she felt so bad she was hurting me so badly yet there was nothing she could do other than what she knew she had to do to try to clear up that infection.. I think that is why the end of my left stump looks like it does because of that horrible mess... She tried so hard to help me, I could see in her face when she watched as I sobbed hysterically while she dug and probed at the massive hole in the end of my stump.. My sister was here a few times when she came and even she was upset at how painful it was, i think they both cried with me... During all this time.. lasted about a year...I gradually adapted to being a dak, but I dont really remember doing it..But I had to adapt. I was so sick then I didnt feel like doing anything the less I moved the better so I found the easiest ways to do what ever it was...Thank God that the infection healed.. but ONLY after I fired everyone and decided that I would take my chances and try to heal this gaping wound my self with soap and water and a daily clean bandage, did it finally clear up.. I think the more and more different things the nurse kept trying to use.. is what really kept it active..All I know is that is what worked for me.. If I had to go back to those times, well just shoot me now...put me out of my misery.. THAT was a horrible year and I am really glad I dont remember alot... I dont think I could even handle any more graphic memories other than the ones I do already have. Thank God that is over.. I think that is part of my fear of anything else going wrong or more surgery .. The good part is... I'm still here..and I did make it thru... I think tho it was all just part of life.. we all have to go thru our trials and tribulations for what ever reasons ..perhaps to make us stronger.. If I could make it thru that horrible time..well I guess I can make it thru what ever else is ahead no matter what it is.. I do have to say tho I hope THAT was as bad as what its going to be for me.. I sure hope so.. :-) THAT was a MAJOR test, I passed with flyin' colors I think..well look at me !! - Like I been sayin' "I'm GORGEOUS" lol..and thats my FINAL ANSWER !!! Well its that time again.. time to find FOOD ! I got up late this morning and havent eaten all day again..as usual.. So I need to eat something today...I am so bad on the weekends..lol..And this one I really did nothing.. I talked to my sis , she is doing ok..just SO wanting that- and a direct quote - "DAMN cast OFF~!~" lol..Bless her heart, I KNOW what she is going thru ...The kitchen is calling and the boys have already headed out there so I'm headed there as well...Hope your week end was as quiet and relaxing as mine.... Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? LUV YA !! & thanks :-) Always, Lois****

May God Bless you today,

I'm so honored to call you friend,

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...