~Not A Whole Lot~

there really isnt a whole lot that goes on in my day thats really

interesting, I dont do a whole lot..there just isnt alot to do here...

Ive been doing what I call soul searching, trying to decide just

what to do and how to go about it and do I really want to change

things since I am really in a secure environment, kinda sorta, I

can keep my bills paid..and its kinda safe here.... I just dont like

the area.We all have to make sacrifices and settle I guess and

accept things how they are and just dont stir the pot so to speak...

sometimes that's the BEST thing to do...Then I get goofy notions

and Ideas. and then I think of all the work involved in doing stuff

and before I even DO anything Im pooped out ..

I live daily in the fear that something could happen, if things change

at all I could be in dire straights since I have NO back up.. I dont get

enough to keep a savings so that if something happened and I did

need anything extra..thats one of the fears of leaving here.. Would I be

able to survive..since I only just BARELY do it now...Thats a really

scarey thing - for me any way. When I only have myself to depend on

no husband or significant other..well I have to be very careful... and I

dont mind it..just at times ..... well it gets to me. Maybe cause I get

my blinkin bank statement the same time as my phone and electric

bills lol...and how they manage to do that I have NO idea.. but it sure

seems they always come on the same day..like "heres your bills,,,

NOW try to pay them" lol..

I know im not the only one goes through this..even Raelynn does.. She

got in that accident the other day..not alot of damage..but enuff that

she didnt have the money for the parts..this is what I mean and SHES

able bodied..and just making it.. There is just no work here for her and
I feel sorry for her..and SHE feels sorry for me!!! aint we a PAIR???

It is scarey tho.. and I think of moving somewhere else? I dunno..but

I guess I should be satisfied with what I have..but then If I am I dont

want to lose that "TRY, to improve" thing.. We all need to have that I

think... I do.. I think thats what keeps me going.. I just have to stop

looking THAT far ahead..only do a day at a time.. I cant change nuthin

thats laying ahead for me.. so.. well. Guess I just have to stare it down

and say "ok..come on..lets see what kinda CRAP today is gonna be .

and fix it and get this day on the road... I dont know how else to do it..

So lets hope it works hey?

We are all squeaky..Raelynn came today I wasnt expecting her till

tomorrow..she had to go to a funeral saturday and wasnt sure she

would be back on time..well about 10 minutes to 11, I saw the boys

go and sit and stare at the door..I knew she was on her way..sure

nuff ..5 minutes and there she was.. They know.. Just like now..They

know im almost done writing this..and they are both down there in

the door way watching me..Dutch is waiting to hear the sign off tune..

thats what triggers him. LB just watches me, if I head away from this

desk hes right in front of me leading the way.. we look like we are

having our own little parade here lol... well the parade is starting..

Nitey Nite... :-)

y'all have a good one y'hear luv ya...and thanks... :-)

Always, Lois ****

May God Bless you today,

I'm so honored to call you friend,

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...