~County Fair Time~ :-)
A beautiful fall day, Really nice.. Tomorrow starts the county
fair.. in Centreville.. I have been to one there before, a long
time ago.. I asked Becky about it..she said that it is all wheel
chair accessible.. all cement.. They do have cords etc that
are around to provide electricity to the booths, and I maybe
would need an extra push to get over them.. but she said all
the barns are cement floors etc.. where all the exhibits are
and the animals.. I would love to go.. Now all I gotta do is
find someone to take me... I need some volunteers.. I don't
think there is anyone in this state that will... I wish.. but.. I
found out when I lost my legs that my friends gradually did
disappear like I was told by another amputee friend of mine.
She was a DAK, like me.. and we were only a year apart in
age.. She had fewer health problems than I did although her
main one was depression..and I have found out myself that
it is a biggie for me as well.. I have to fight it every day.. Some
days I can get so down and discouraged and feel sorry for
myself..I feel that no one really wants me, or to be involved with me
as a person. My friend felt that same way.. We both would sort
of compare notes on our feelings and tried to help each other
as much as we could... She had so many things that just hurt
her so much that she couldn't do anymore.. Things in her own
house.. and that's sad.. She was so very lonely, and even tho
she had a computer .. and met people, a lot of devotees, but
she had gotten hurt so many times, felt used and just not even
a person, and felt all anyone saw of her was her short stumpie
legs... I know the feeling... I think every amputee does..
My friends last email to me before I stopped hearing from her
was that she was so depressed and felt so useless that she
didn't know what to do.. Her health was getting worse and she
was very much alone.. I wrote back to her..inviting her to come
and visit with me for a while.. but I never heard from her again..
I have no idea what happened to her..and I looked.. I feel bad
that if she did pass that she felt so alone..that no one wanted or
needed her anymore.. I would hate to think she felt that way
if she did die.. How sad to go to your grave and think you have
nothing or no one to care.. how very sad.. and I hope that did
not happen to my friend..
I know the effect depression has on a person..whether you're a
challenged person or not.. I have been fighting it since I can
remember.. The first 2 years of this hell, back in 2000..that was
one of my Drs main concerns was depression and what I was
treated for.. I still am.. I see Theresa, from CMH, she worries
sometimes because too much stress can lead to depression.
how well I KNOW that ! The daily fight to live and to do things,
to even go anywhere, the desertion by your family and friends,
it all is so different and has lead to so many changes.. For me
to even get to the Drs involves at least 3 to 4 phone calls to
set up a good time for a ride and an appt..before, I used to just
run out the door , get in my truck and off I would go.. I cant do
that..not now.. that's why I think so many of my friends are gone.
Even my family.. I don't see them hardly at all.. We talk on the
phone..but a in person visit..no..not very often...
But anyhowways, its so not easy, and I feel badly for those that are
going thru the bad downs of being disabled... It can really eat
your lunch for you.. and just make you feel so useless and that you
serve no purpose at all.. Many don't realize that just a few words,
or a small action can plunge someone into the deepest of snits,
as I call them.. Some times they can be so very hard to get out of.
I KNOW.. ive been there many times.. I think..that I maybe am just
too DETERMINED..as one friend says "Your just STUBBORN"
well I guess I am both.. I am DETERMINDED that this will NOT get
me down,, that I CAN do this.. and I am just TOO STUBBORN to
give up.. I think sometimes that I will go to my grave alone, not
have a companion.. and if that happens..well I have no choice
but to accept it.. I think my knight just fell off his horse or the
bloomin horse is lame and hes walking here :-) I make light of
it..but it still is a concern for me.. I thank GOD I have my net
friends and my boys, I don't think this would be as doable with
out them...
I tried my bananas today and I have to say these little babies are
just perfect for PB&J sammiches.. theyre good little things.. If I
eat one of these a day then I wont have to take those horrible
potassium pills.. they're really Bad if for some reason it doesn't
go down..the taste is really bad and will just stay stuck in your
mouth no matter what you do... I am enjoying having my front
door open I hope Chris can find a screen door for me.. be so
much easier..LB doesn't really care, Dutch, he loves it.. hes
been plotting since I put the screen across the door how he is
going to get out there and over that thing.. I can see it in his
face when he just sits and stares at it.. hes a stinker.. Time
for dinner and I am not going to bed early, I fell asleep last
nite about 7 PM and woke at 2 am wide awake.. THAT is not
a good wake up time.. Way too early.. I did take a little snooze
this morning later on tho.. I had no choice, Was that or type with
my forehead and that leads to a headache :-) There are some
pumpkin cookies out there and I think I hear one of them calling
me.. I best check it out ... "nitey nite"... :-)
Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear? love ya, and thanks :-)
Always, Lois ****
God Bless you, is my prayer today,
I'm so honored to call you "friend";
I pray the Lord will keep you safe,
Until I write again.....
4 Comments:
At 10:45 PM, Anonymous said…
Lois I wish I could take you to the fair...getting over there cords is very hard to do at times...I don't know how a electric wheelchair would do. with the small cord it would be alright...but some of the cord are big and lot of them.
They need pole close by so there is not so many cord all over the ground... They need a better way of doing thing.
maybe underground electric that can be open or close if not needed with a lock to it.
It sure was cold here today and rain...before it got to raining to hard Michael got a free plane ride today...wow what a wonderful time he had. some special reunion here in town they had at the airport and given free rides to anyone.
I know it must be hard on you Lois to be living alone...so glad you have a computer...and staff that become your friends to..that a blessing. Yes you have your wonderful boys too keep you company...and you know Jesus never leave you either...always right there.
Bob cut his finger today, it is very sore, it going to take a while to heal.
Mary
At 8:28 AM, Anonymous said…
hi Lois,
it is nice to hear that u are much better. me fine. due to my high volume of office duties, i don't have time to come to ur blog regularly.
i sent u some offline messages to ur yahoo id a few days back but there has been no reply from u.
i have like to have a copy of ur recent video clip. I ASSURE U THAT IT WILL NOT BE SHARED TO ANYBODY NOR POSTED TO ANY GROUP.
Take care in the meantime. hope to hear u soon.
bye...bye..bye.bye
Yashvin
At 10:02 AM, Anonymous said…
Allo,
Too bad we are not closer because it would be nice going to the fair with you.
Regards,
Robert
At 5:11 PM, Lois said…
Hi Mary,
Fairs are so fun, specially the rides and the food and of course all the eveing things..theyre fun...Hope Bob gets better...
Hi Yashvin,
So nice to hear from you.. I sent you the videos..and I am sorry I missed you on Yahoo...
Hi Robert..
I wish you could too..well perhaps I should move then so you can.. :-) hope you had a great week end..
So nice to hear from you..
ALways, Lois ****
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