~How I Feel~

I was talking to a friend today trying to explain how I feel.

and amazinly its really kind of hard to describe!.. I some

times do NOT see me as Disabled.. challenged or handi

capped.. I know I am classified as that.. but I honestly do

feel guilty when I use the phrase "Im a double above knee

amputee, in a wheel chair here, I need...." I feel sometimes

I am using that to get things..or to get my way, and I do

have a hard time with that.. I sit here and I don't have to work,

Im not living like Cleopatra or the Queen, but,, I have a roof,

clothes, food, my bills are paid.. I do ok..most of the time any

way.. But I don't feel I DESERVE..cuz of the no legs...

I mentioned about the nice lady at the phone company that

offered to come here and fix my phone..free of charge, just

cuz she is a nice person.. She asked if I could do it and I

gave her that little speech, I thought..what an excuse.. and I

feel sometimes I just should NOT use that, that its just an

excuse.. I still can do things..its just a lot harder.. but I can

still do most..well almost MOST... I know ive been told that

I do quite well ..that they knew other women that are like me

that have just totally withdrawn and have become totally

helpless and expect that they WILL get waited on or things

just handed to them because they deserve it.. I feel I earn

what I get.....what I work for.. no matter what it is..

I got this mail today and I always forward it to my friends, Its

called Morning Coffee.. the title today was Live a Life that

Matters.. The main thing you leave behind, is how the people

that you have encountered think of you..what kind of impression

did you leave.. a worth while one? one no one would WANT

to remember? I want to be remembered..for being ME, some

one that is at least willing to TRY..and for being a fighter, not

giving up..and for how I treated my family, friends, anyone I

came in contact with... NOT.. as a disabled..or a wheel chair

person..or as someone that DESERVED anything.. I want to

be known as EARNING my reputation..That I was honest,

fair, and a good person.. Like the ones I know I remember,

those that have affected my life.. I can name them I will not

forget them.. they made me who I am today.. A GORGEOUS
WEEBLE.. and I can handle that.. but I honestly don't think

I deserve extra credit, favors..or anything I havent earned or

TRIED to get myself.. This is doable.. sometimes hard..some

times its just a matter of rolling along with the flow as they

say.. I think its as easy or as hard as we ourselves make it..

I bet I was up at least 3 or 4 times last nite.. This new bed is ok,

but its a plastic matress..and hard plastic.. I have found since I

mainly lay in the same spot..that Ive created some wrinkles.. :-)

no not in me..well ..maybe there too..but.. I mean in my bed...
I think as the time goes on this plastic has gotten harder and like

cracked or something..there is a ridge that goes right across

by my hips that sometimes I wake up its digging into my butt

so bad..I know its padded enough you wouldn't think I would

notice butt I DO.. Its like the princess and the pea... I cant sit

on a cushion that has wrinkles in it.. I think I am going to see if

I could get a foam cover or pad for it.. I know I need some new

pillows.. mine are so bad.. I have 4 in front of me when I sit up

to sleep that way, you would think that would be quite high up..

it equals to about 2 the pillows are so worn down.. I have 2 I

put up under my head.. and they are in sad shape too.. I do

think its time to replace them..Ive had them for 6 years now..

and when they are not really good pillows they don't last a

whole long time and keep their fluffy... Feather pillows are my

favorite.. so comfy.. I used to hang those out side too when

I did linens..they smelled great...and fluffed right up...

I didn't eat lunch today was just ...well I don't know what it was,

if I did I probly would have eaten it.. Chris brought the frozen

ones for the week end..and theyre good..They were bringing

the leftover ones from the COA and these are TONS better.

and you get lots of it too.. If they were smart COA would just

use them.. save all the extra help they use to cook these

"wonder what they are" dinners.. There is one thats spaghetti

and meatballs.and I am going to pop that into the nuker and

have that for dinner..watch some tv and hopefully sleep ALL

night tonite.. Why I am getting up at 4 am every day I have no

clue.. but I still am.. guess I dont want to miss any of my

GORGEOUS WEEBLE Days "Nitey Nite" :-)

Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear? love ya and Thanks!! :-)

Always, Lois ****

God Bless you, is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again.....