~Windows With Different Views~

I sat here today, looking out the window, listening to some of my favorite music, which always helps me..it lifts me up when I get low, when I think I wont ever laugh, or smile, or ever be happy again.. like I used to be.. sadly.. when I had my legs... I think back to those 2 years that were such a blur, full of nothing but pain and depression...that was such a fight..then to go for one more year, fighting infection and feeling so bad and alone I wished I could just end it all..get away from the hurt and pain... I would sit and look out that window in the apartment.. That was my day, all my waking time.. waiting for more pain..it seemed and I just felt it would never end... it took over a year really , and as I sat here I scanned my body in my mind..comparing how I feel today and how I remember feeling looking out that other window.. The views have changed, and so have I.. and for the better... I saw a lovely field out of the other windows..full of animals..a whole family of ground hogs.. the birds, one was a hawk..so gracefull, I would watch him soar thru the sky..looking thru my binoculars to see better.. I loved to watch the geese, they would lay right outside my door..and loved tormenting the boys.. The butterflies and wild flowers were just breathtaking sometimes they were so lovely.. Just before I moved from there.. they transformed that beautiful piece of land into a 2 story apartment complex..the view changed drastically, the beauty of the field was gone..things changed... The view from my window in this living room is alive and moving, people walking or riding bikes..the traffic is constant.. Life is out there..that I see every time I look out.. Its a great view to know others are out there..but the other view..the beauty was great too.. I think it was, for me, a way to know, its LIFE out there and its time you get back in it...And to a certain extent I really have... I do go more, I know more people, online that is..and even some from the area, not from this town... I have more people coming by every week..with Theresa now, and Rebecca, things have changed. I will be honest and say many days Im NOT happy, when things go bad, or if someone disappoints me and hurts my feelings...or when things just seem to overwhelm me and I just cant, no matter how hard I try, seem to resolve some of the stress things I have going on just about every week... I think that I have as this time goes on..adapted more to how to live as a amputee, accept the things I cant do..find someone to do them for me, and just get on with what I CAN do.. Even if I had legs..that's no guarantee that I would have a better, well..less stressful,life.. none of us have that .. But I do get unhappy sometimes... as I put it .. "I wish, sometimes, I could tear my face off and be someone else"... like that movie..'Face Off' with John, handsome man, Travolta.. I loved that movie... But I think..Ive changed too. and hopefully for the better...without tearing my face off , some OTHER parts I wish i could TAKE off..but..well im stuck with them :-) I have happy days, sad days, but Im very glad I still HAVE days too ... :-)... Well I have gone on and on havent I.. I have a tendency to do that and just be melancholy, maybe is the word..I looked at this month already almost gone.. This year is steady moving on... me being in this chair..with round tires..well I have NO choice but to go too.. Right now , though..This GORGEOUS WEEBLE is going to get OUT of this chair for today and of course I cant go until I say "nitey nite".... :-) Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear? love ya, and thanks :-) ALways, Lois **** God Bless you, is my prayer today, I'm so honored to call you "friend"; I pray the Lord will keep you safe, Until I write again.....