~Explaining Phantoms?~

Since Ive had this phantom flare up again Ive discussed

it with quite a few that have ideas and opinions which I

most eagerly listen to..Any good advice on how to relieve

these pains would be great!... The pains that are so bad,

like the ones this past week end.. the main pain, pressure,

or stabbing pains are in my heel and foot.. I can put my

hands over the end and the pain doesn't change. It has

to just be in my head.. I think too that whomever it is

that removes the leg, the surgeons I think the way they

do the ends of the nerves may be different which is

why we all feel different kinds of phantoms...

Sometimes its just a constant ache.. then others it feels

fine.. like its an amputated leg.. but when these BAD

boys start.. there is nothing I can do to stop them.. I think

some of my pains are sciatica.. because I do sit so much..

and what may work for relief may not work for some one

else.. My friend BB was a dak and his phantoms were not

near as bad as mine. But his reasons for his amputations

was Diabetes.. which pvd is really a major circulation thing,

diabetes is too but not as much say as PVD or even Bergers.

Which is another reason for amputations..

When I was going to the pain clinic because of these phantoms

quite a while ago now.. years in fact.. I talked to a Dr there,

that said he was blind in one eye..and he had phantoms in that

blind eye.. He said he had studied phantoms.. read a lot about

it, which I have to be honest and say I havent.. Ive mostly

just asked people .. but he said he was more or less an amputee

and that the phantoms will NEVER go away.. EVER.. that at times

they may seem less and at times will be severe.. and because

we were programmed at birth that we had legs, our brains don't

know us or recognize us as amputees...


I had a floor length mirror at the apartment.. and many times I

would just sit there and look at my self.. I could feel the phantoms

and I would look at my self in the mirror to try to SEE where they

were.. that didn't work either.. because.. I didn't RECOGNIZE

myself.. I saw a person there that looked like me.. had the clothes

on that I put on .. but when I looked at me from the top of my

head to the edge of my chair.. and saw nothing under that chair,

no legs.. well who was that? Ive done that many times... and it

still amazes me that I can see me and say "that's not me"....

I saw a video clip of a very young woman.. a dak.. high dak.. she

was only I would say 15 if that... she was on a trolley like a skate

board and going all thru her house.. A man followed her, I guess

to make sure she was safe.. As she rolled down this hall way

there was a floor length mirror, she paused for only a second,

then she quickly stuck her tongue out at herself.. and then

continued on her way.. To me... that was the most honest part

of the whole clip... She showed how she really felt.. She stuck

her tongue out at herself. Being honest. If there is a amputee

that says they LIKE how they look.. well I wouldn't believe it.
I accept not having legs anymore.. but I sure don't like it

worth a crap.. I loved shoes :-)

To see photos or videos of a amputee you have NO idea of all

the little tiny things that go with it.. and unless you are there

to witness it.. you really have no idea.. Its not as easy as some

make this out to be.. Those women, or men that are young,

30, 40s even 50s.. we all handle this differently.. We all have

our own limit as to what we can tolerate, the younger you are

I think you can handle this better PHYSICALLY.. but I think

older ones this happens to accept it more readily, mentally.

I have taken pain meds for these phantoms and they don't

stop the pain... I have found muscle relaxers to work better

than codeine or any of those drugs.. I don't keep any pain

med here cuz they don't work... It would have to be a drug

that would tell my brain that invisible things CANT hurt!!!

What it all boils down to is there is NO cure for phantoms

and I think everyones are different... the only one thing in

common is PAIN...

Well we are all clean, Penny made it so.. shes good .. I had

her get some new different kind of coffee.. This I have is

just pure bitter.. and not good at all.. I love good coffee..

I don't drink but maybe 2, 3 at the very most.. too much

then that makes me have to make more potty calls which

makes me have to transfer more which makes me tired..

so.. I drink less coffee :-) I have no idea what I want

for my supper but I will find something I always do...:-)

Time to post this for today .. This GORGEOUS WEEBLE

says "nitey nite"...

Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear? love ya and Thanks!

Always, Lois ****

"God Bless You" is my prayer today.

I'm so honored to call you "friend".

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...