~Outage Tonite For a While ~

I was reading my old journal. I started it in Jan of 1983. Long

time ago...Its really interesting to read...I wish I had taken the

time to write more often but I mainly did the main times..and

then I missed some of those.. I didnt have it to write in when

I was in the Hellhome.. So I have no written record of my time

in there and most of the time I wasnt in my right mind anyway.

lol I wasnt.. they kept me drugged or I was so depressed I

couldnt hit my butt with both hands let alone write in that journal.

lol.. I can just SEE the deranged scribbles I would have written

might be funny now to read tho LoL...

Anyway on Jan 12, 1996 I wrote the following:

"Well another year, IF its another year like last year I dont think

I could take it. They ballooned my right leg in sept. but I dont

think it took. I dont want to go back to the Dr. so soon. I have

another appointment in May. My leg just hurts constantly- I hope

I can make it till then. I worry sometimes because the drs never

check my heart. .. but they dont know I've had a heart attack

already. I cant tell or my insurance is no good! I still have high

blood pressure. Life is a BITCH."

Those were my ramblings..and that was 10 years ago.. In 1997,

I had my first abdominal bypass, which I am glad I didnt know

was ahead..they are just as serious as a heart bypass I was

told..and Ive had 2 now..the 2nd one in 2000. I dont know what

month.. I think I should get all my records and put them in one

place.. they are scattered between 4 hospitals and hmmm,

about 5 doctors..no more than that.. I lost count.. I will have to

start writing it down... Not like I really want to remember but

when you go to a new doctor and they ask your history ..well

mine? ya ok how much TIME do you have? its easier for me

to get it all written out and hand them the paper and tell the

nurse to make a copy lol...or sit there for 45 minutes for them

to write it.. Let them do it on their time if they wanna know ....

I think my first inkling that my legs were bad was as far back

as 89 or 90...I dont even know why I started this journal ..what

did i write first off lets see:

"January 9, 1983...: I have decided to keep a journal of some of

the outstanding times of my life;not a daily diary, just some of

my inner thoughts for me to read when I am old and gray to turn

back the clock, to regain and relive some of my happier times."

Little did I know that from just ahead a few years the RIDE was

about to begin of some of the most pain filled and horrible times

of my life were ahead ...And I can read where I was still looking

ahead to better times... I had a quote there I printed on the first

page that says

"In Memory, you can return again, to the Nicest place you have

ever been"

I was hoping wasn't I? that all i would be writing would be good stuff..

Little did I know.. but I AM glad I didn't know.. I don't want to know

what is ahead.. I think if we did many that do NOT have the courage

to hardly make it thru ONE day would want to know what was coming

in the next days or month or year ahead.I sure dont.. I have enough

trouble dealing with my day to day stuff lol THATS hard enough .lol...

ONE day at a time is plenty to deal with...lol...But I have to admit.

LOOK at the drastic change... it is amazing.. I was NOT prepared

for my life to be like this.. I wonder had I known what I would have

done differently? I dont think there would have been anything I

would have changed.. it still would have happened I think but may

be on a different day...But I think what is due to happen in a life is

determined when you are born.. Just like your body KNOWs what

is best for you..well me.. I think it knew from day one..how I would

end up..the buggar just aint tellin me lol sayin GUESSSS lol :-)

No I dont think we are meant to know.. I think that would really

change what was meant to be maybe.. wow do I sound like one

of those what are they called? well anyway.. Im thinking here lol

The boys got in a fight about 3:30 this morning and let me tell

you if you could SEE The hair all over the floor from them.. I had

to YELL and throw a pillow at them.. to stop them.. They were

taking turns attacking each other and I couldnt tell who started

it.. I THINK i know..probly Dutch.. He wants to be boss and LB

is keeping him in line.. I had enough hair on the carpet to make

another kittie lol...They wanna fight ,, fine.. but I sure wish they

would CLEAN up their messes.. I got to looking at that pic of

my kitchen.. You can see Dutch up there.. and I wondered why

he stayed there and kept looking in the sink.. he was watching

the water that I had forgotten to shut off when I put a bowl in

there to soak.. I yelled at him after and asked him WHY he didnt

tell me I left the water running LOL..LB did..he came in here

just MEOWINGGG at me and ran out to the kitchen.. that was

why , after he did that about 3 times is when I went to see just

WHAT was it he WANTED NOW..well that was it..LB is very

smart cat..Im glad it didnt run out of the sink! I would have made

a nice mess for myself to clean up.. But thats what I mean...I go

to do stuff or have done stuff and forget lol.. I'm bad...I know..

WALTZENHEIMERS lol..no blonde moments ...I know its not

waltz too .. I'm just being smart... :-p < means="" tongue="" sticking="">

out ! lol

I am glad to see how many have asked to be my

"Special Valentine"

Lets me know this is being read... I like to know I

am not typing this to myself.. lol... I probly still would even if no

one read it but me.. it is good therapy to write.. I think so any

way...helps me alot.. just like this computer... lets me give my

2 ¢ worth...Lunch was great today.. that cook does make some

GREAT chili.. I just wish they gave us 2nds on it lol I got about

a small bowl and a piece of cornbread and some applesauce

and a container with lettuce and 2 packages of salad dressing.

that was lunch.. The servings are very small..but enough..

I 'm gonna go look for a snack.. Got good news my friend Blue

in Australia finally got back online. bless his heart.. Hes such a

sweetie.. and the computers where he lives have been down

for like 6 months.. I KNOW how badly he missed it.. Thank

goodness for snail mail and phones lol.. Hes got alot to catch

up on.. If your reading this Blue..WELCOME BACK ! ;-)

Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? LUV YA!!! & THANKS ;-)

Always, Lois ***

May God Bless you today,

I'm so honored to call you friend,

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...