~Disappointed Today :-(~

Well. I am a tad disappointed today. RaeLynn did't show up. They
called and said she was sick. I hope this isn't a sign..The agency said
they had no one to send in her place either, and hopefully she will
be here friday. This is so discouraging to me. I know no one can help
being sick, but this was really bad timing. So many are sick with the
flu here all over town its amazing what I hear on the news... And is
the kids, I think some still get sent to school and they keep re-
infecting each other and their familys and thats what keeps it going.
I think thats what is happening here in the building. Penny has had
this junk twice.

Ive been griping and whining about the care I get and how all my
benefits keep getting smaller and smaller so much that I have
seriously considered moving to another state. I was born and
raised in this state and have spent most of my life in it, but I am
so discouraged that we, the disabled, are the LAST ones to be
considered in anything and how those that are ABLE BODIED
decide what is best for us or what we are allowed to have. So
much so they even go down into how many MINUTES we are
allowed for care of certain things, how do they figure this? I'm
sure we ALL take the same amount of time to do whatever it
is.. I think the minutes was for personal care, like baths etc.
Even logic tells you that is NOT possible, that we all take the
same amount of time to do the same thing ..its NOT.

What gets me are the ones that ARE getting paid to help and
provide us with things or benefits don't really want to know
just what our problems are.. They just are doing a JOB, seeing
us as just "one of many" disabled are all just disabled.. and they
dont check to see exactly what is the disability.. NO one guesses
what MY real disability is.. that I am NOT a diabetic..or that I
have a heart condition, or am blind in one eye and almost deaf
in one ear, have carpal tunnel and other internal problems..Like
that NURSE that evaluates for the Commission On Aging, what
she sees is what she goes by, or her list of stupid questions that
really have no bearing on anything..when I proceeded to tell her
some of mine she rudely told me was NOT her business??? she
did say that..well now..but she was to determine how many
hours I need help? Hmmmm...

Well anyway, I have been doing some serious searching for a
place and a state that would give me better benefits and care.
So far I have only found one...Illinois.. I have a friend there
that is also challenged, I dont like the word disabled.. I'm not,
I am able, to the best I can do, I am just challenged, seeing if
I can make it thru, and I try very hard to make it.. I'm NOT
disabled. But I sure will take on a CHALLENGE LOL.. try me.
lol...My friend is allowed the same in some things like medical.
and transportation, but she is allowed a care provider 7 days
a week 6 hrs a day. Our conditons are almost identical. She
does get a higher check but she has a retirement fund as well.
I do have a nice apartment here, but the maintence is awful
and there is always some sort of turmoil going on here. And
the location is awful. Nothing to see out our windows in any
direction, but parking lots or dumpsters. They say its a
secure building but its not. The fire alarm went off and the
firemen couldnt find our building? THAT really scared me
then when they got here sat out in the parking lot for 10
minutes before they even entered the building because
they had to make sure this was the right place.. I SAW
that myself, As I was outside waiting to see how long be-
for they got here. We are 3 blocks down the street from
them... but we have a new street we live on now...and they
got confused? hmmmm. Gives one pause for thought that
what if we WERE on fire..he said they were looking for the
smoke!!! The organization that owns this place HOPE
Network could care less..the management there says take
what you get and shut up , or move...

So I have been trying to decide what to do.. Things like this
caregiver stuff IS a major issue, as it means whether or not
I can stay in my own place. I do have a big apartment here
which is SO good for someone that is claustrophobic like I
am.. I cannot stand to be in a room with the door closed.
My family is only hour or so away, Donnie is only 10 minutes
away.. they would be hard to leave especially, but with web
cams and the way the new messengers are with voice, they
would not be that far. I have a lot to consider. I cannot
afford to make a wrong move, that could have dire results..
Decisions , decisions, decisions....always something.

Well my next decision right now is what my snack is going to
be tonite lol...and I DONT KNOW!!! can you believe THAT?
I will just have to plunder through my cupboards and see
what I can find. Maybe some nice ice cold peaches.. I dont
eat near enough fruit which I know is good for me.. and that
sounds good I keep a couple cans in the refridgerator just
in case I decide I do want some. Im not a big fruit eater ,
well unless its strawberries :-) love those things.. Hmmm
I do have some in the freezer..and I have some ice cream..
:-) ok I'm off to the kitchen ..nitey nite...

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya.. and Thanks..:-)
Always, Lois***

May God Bless you today,

I'm so honored to call you friend,

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...