~Body Scan~

When I woke up this morning I laid there for a few minutes just doing my own, I guess you would call it a body scan, as to how I felt and what I felt.. Of course my back still was hurting although it has moved up higher between my shoulder blades now..maybe it will work its way out of my back up to my head, and out the top you reckon? lol... Would be nice..Its a buggar when I go to roll its so sore now.. Anyway... I concentrated on my stumps, they didn't feel too awfully bad, considering we had storms last nite and tornado warnings. They felt pretty much ok. I scanned the invisible feet, each one, I concentrated on just my right foot, then the toes. As I laid there the harder I thought about moving my toes, which I had NOT been able to do before, I gradually noticed the harder I thought about it.. my toes DID move..not a huge lot..but each one I felt them move. Amazing. I laid there for the longest time..did first my right foot then the left..The more I thought about it the more my toes would move. It is so just unbelievable that this is even possible to me and I just sometimes am awestruck at the sensation that this has on me. I can, if I concentrate, swing my invisible leg side to side, like a pendulum but to kick it out, I can very very little at all.. it just refuses to go.. But when I had my first amputation below the knee I hated it.. I felt so uncomfortable.. it hurt all the time.. and I could NOT no matter how hard I tried straighten it out.. It always stayed bent at the knee. I dont know why it did that I think maybe the doctors cut the tendons too short or something it would NOT straighten out at all...and the more I tried the more it hurt..and then it got so infected that I gave up trying to do anything with it..and just hoped the infection would go away but of course it didn't.. They didn't take enough off that first time..besides it getting infected I dont think the gangrene that set in first of all from the first amputation had completely gone and then the 2nd infection that was a main reason they did the 2nd amputation above the knee. At lease thats my logic anyway... I will admit the part I did like about being a sak..I handled that no problem at all..I could still stand..I did NOT use crutches tho I was a disaster waiting to happen with those.. I went down the hall one day with those crutches..and I was like a big stork and I hit anything and everything that was in the hallway and in my way.One of my Dearies made the mistake of coming out of his room just as I was coming up to his doorway and as he took a step into the hall I made a swing with my left crutch to take a step and I put that crutch right on his foot..WOW.. I have NEVER heard an old man SCREAM so loudly..you would have thought I hit him in the head with it. I apologized and yelled for the nurse, she came running, then she explained to me that he had just had his toe removed.. Boy, did I feel like a big meanie..I didnt use my crutches after that.. lol Poor guy and of all the toes he still had..I had to step on THAT foot!! I started using my chair after that.. Those bloomin crutches were HELL on my arm pits..by the time I would struggle the length of the hall I was exhausted and talk about sore.. I preferred my chair.. I did use them off and on just for some exercise, and it was something different to do as well. I did hate when they made me do the physical therapy which all it involved was using a walker (as a sak) and hopping down the hallways, that was so horrible..hop hop hop..all it did was jar my teeth and brains..I dont see what good it did at all..maybe strengthen my left leg..but it was already bad and I had been in a chair for almost a year by the middle of 2001. I have been in a wheelchair since the summer of 2000.. I was using one because of all the bypasses my legs had gone thru and the neuropsy as well, my legs could not be trusted to hold me up at all.. The first rehab I was in after my abdominal and leg bypasses, was really good..the people there were just wonderful I liked it there. Other than it being so small...the rooms we shared were smaller I think than the hellhome..but the staff were so good and I mean bent over backwards to really try to help you in any way they could. Moreso than the other. The PT guy there was from Norway or Sweden or somewhere and what a doll- I mean he had ALL the women in there wanting to have PT with him lol..he was very good at his job and VERY dedicated. Its a shame that these places are so corrupted for wanting every dime a person has and then the person has to not have that first bit of privacy..its really sad. At the first rehab they did have a couple rooms that were private..and quite large. But I can only remember two. The hellhome had NO private rooms and all were super small. I always liked the bed by the window, then when it got so hot in there, no Air conditioning you know. I would get a little air in there. My sis brought me a little fan and I would clip it by the window to bring in some cool air..then once it got hot I would put it blowing out and pushing the hot air out of the room hoping it would cool it off.. The hall ways had some AC and the dining room and nurses station did. I never did understand why the dining room did when all it did was make the food colder by the time some of those dearies ate it was ICE cold. Otherwise the hellhome felt in the summer that it was just that HELL.. I am so glad to be OUT of there. And..I am so glad I have a kitchen LOL. now to decide just what I want to eat.. I called my sis this morning and she is all by herself. Stanley went to Haiti with his church and she is Spring Cleanin. and going thru all her closets..so you KNOW what THAT means.She will be here tomorrow she said..and has some things for me.I did ask her to bring me some potatoes tho...I m hungry for some potatoe salad again, and I did NOT have enough to make my fries n gravy last nite..so..pooh.. I was upset.. I was all primed and ready to taste some good gravy and of course those fries... I hope the day NEVER comes that I dont like them I have been eating that since I was 2 years old I bet, I loved them then and I still do..glad my tastes for that havent changed- they say your tastes do that though at least twice in a lifetime, foods you didnt like that all of a sudden you would..I STILL dont like CARROTS..lol.. Kitchen time..food time..and I am off and rollin...Cant wait till my sis comes tomorrow to see what she has for me.. I sure wish she would change her curtains and let me have her oldies lol well ok..time to quit readin..and Im gonna quit writin... nitey nite,,, OH..and DONT say.."well its about time she did" to your self either :-) Y'all have a good one Y'hear? Luv ya & thanks... :-) Always,Lois **** May God Bless you today, I'm so honored to call you friend, I pray the Lord will keep you safe, Until I write again...