~I Try~

The ups and downs..well I dunno if they are even.. I try to get

up..and really stay there and hope and really try to get things

fixed and do what I THINK is necessary to make it.. It seems

the harder I try the worse it gets sometimes.. And I honestly

do NOT understand why that is.. But then I dont think anyone

does do they?

I got a letter in the mail today, well i guess it really was a bill.

Seems my landlord went to the water dept. which I honestly

had forgotten to call..and made sure the water was in my

name..not his..as he didnt want to get stuck with a water

bill..well by me having it put in my name..now I have to come

up with a $193.oo deposit.. They mailed this on Monday,

I have to pay this or have the water shut off by the 10th

which is friday.. I wonder just where do they think I will be

able to get that kind of money? and that fast? And even the

electric company doesnt charge THAT kind of deposit..

My word! Thats totally unbelievable for such a small town.

THEN you dont get it back ..only if you ever move.. The only

way I can get out of paying this deposit is if Chris keeps it

in his name, which I cant blame him for that either..But..geez

I cant believe the water company..how unreasonable..that is

just so outrageous..

I had company today, Que was here and brought me a paper

I needed to sign..she got my mail for me and thats how I got

the bill..Well I asked how the grant was going and she said

it looks really good..I cant believe it takes this long..when they

know people are really depending on this stuff and they take

their sweet time processing stuff..But she says it looks really

good ..I stressed the fact that my rent will be due shortly...that

I paid my deposit..a couple weeks ago..I wish it would hurry.

I was telling a dear friend today in chat , well I was WHINING

to a dear friend that has given ear to my moans and groans

since all this CRAP started..and I was saying that I have NEVER

in my life ever been in this kind of situation that I have a steady

constant worry daily hourly. worried about money and how was

I going to make it.. I never have ever had to worry.. I blame it on

being in this chair..AND all the other health problems as well...It

is such a horrible awful feeling.. I KNOW I am not the only amputee

that is going thru this same worry on a daily basis ...and boy, I

will YELL it out..it SUCKS big time.. its so NOT good.. And It

wears you down after a while.. And whats REALLY sad? there

is not ONE thing we can do about it..All these places that brag

about helping? ya right..thats ALL they do..is brag..all they want

is a paycheck and keep passing the work off or dont do it..or just

push it aside...I still have not found ONE person, place, or agency

OR charity that will build a ramp for me..Now..isnt that amazing?

My landlord is worried about that..hes afraid he could get into

trouble for renting to a wheelchair person with no way to get out..

well by way of a ramp..I could get out if I had to..but would mean

I could get seriously hurt though too.. My friend who is over seas

was amazed at what little help there is for me.. Thats why I have

considered moving over seas!! If it wasnt for some dear friends

I have here, I could NOT do anything nor would I have anything..

isnt that sad.? what if ..God Forbid, I didnt have any family or

friends..there are people that dont..what are they doing? What

is happening to them?

I think sometimes maybe I should have looked harder and gotten

a subsidized apartment.. and just put up with it and the bills would

be paid etc..I worry that I will be able to make it if this grant doesnt

go through.. If it doesnt go through I will really be in not good shape..

well I could make it..but no cable..and internet..If my rent is 400 and

I got a 200 gas bill..then pay phone, electric, water..well that 200

sure isnt gonna stretch is it? I dunno..sometimes these days since

it seems nothing is settled I worry about that.. I just WORRY about

everything..That Dr. at the clinic even said that..he noticed it right

away lol..probly why he gave me the 2 prescriptions for anxiety

knowing I need them lol..

Well guess I can stop this whining little segment.. Hopefully I can

post tomorrow that maybe I got some more done here..I havent

heard from anyone today ...maybe I will tomorrow.. hope so..

Nitey Nite..

Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? luv ya..and thanks... :-)

Always, Lois

God Bless you is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe

until I write again..