~January~

This being the first month of the year, its a hard month for me.

besides starting a year older, losing my sister 2 years ago,

on my birthday, and a leg, its rough. I ve been doing a lot of soul

searching you might say as to what I really expect out of my

self.. and where and what do I see myself doing in 10 years..

or see myself 20 or 30 years from now.. I don't plan to leave

here 'young' lol... I know its not going to be easy, but I think

if I am very careful in the choices I make in these next 3 years

before I have to make any drastic moves again that I can

survive another 20 years..ok- 30 was, stretching it.. lol..

I know I remember that day in January too- January.2002.

when I moved into that apartment..6 weeks or so after they

removed my left leg..strange.. now that I think of it.. I lost my

right leg the first time the 11, in Jan. a year after losing both,

escaped from the Hellhome and moved into that apartment,

even with a raging infection in this left stump. I remember..the

pain.I think now.if I was told I would have to repeat that year. I

really don't know if I could do it. knowing what was ahead. I can

never even with 1000 words describe the angony and just

sheer horrendous pain. . . 5 years later..wow..5? see? time

just flies, and I made it.. Just starting these years is giving me

a hard time.. like REALLY testing me..specially after getting

a $104.oo Gas bill today!! NOW, Thats a TEST!!! :-)

I still can feel that wonderful feeling I felt when I rolled through

that apartment door to MY place.. . I was so ready to try to do

SOMETHING.. I loved that apartment..was so big.. lots of

room.. I was eager to get what little belongings were mine that

had survived the awful storage that destroyed 99% of my things.
A dear lady, Mona..was in a program, they helped people get

back into life..they quit that one now..how sad..if it wasn't for her

I probably would still be at the hellhome and no telling what kind

of condition..certainly not like I am now....but, I am almost in

the same thing.. I am in the process of unpacking again..I just

moved in here.. what co-incidence hey? January.. seems it all

really starts in this month for me. I was even born this month,

20th,I really did start out in January lol..I guess this is my month

to get my 'show' on the road..and steady as the year goes by, try

to just improve what I can..and make it to the end ! .. :-)

I guess if I compare each January since 2000..I have really done

a great bit of improving.. I have been down to what? virtually not

anything. I know that's what I felt like 3 months ago laying in that

homeless shelter..but each year I have started out with an improve

ment.. this time a new home..a really cute one.. lots of new friends,

people that really do care about me, and my welfare..how I am

making it thru all this-I still have my boys-I cant say that my health

is worse- its not, so I can say each year has gotten better.. just these

start offs.. I wonder if I can start mine in July then? lol.. well maybe

it might make a big difference..but then again.. well..I guess a head

start is ok too, IF I can GET it started RIGHT lol.. :-) I Try ! ! :-)

I know how to start this chair away from this computer today too,

and that's what I plan to do..Im really tired..got up very very early..

and Im ready to hit the bed, its really chilly in here..Only took me

10 minutes tonite to hang the woolbie up on the door .. I think I

am improving.. No, I just got my other woolbie that snags easier.!.

See? I figgured out part of the problem.. I still have to solve it cuz

I used the heavy WOOL woolbie.. that buggar must weight 100

pounds! I mean I was glad when it did catch right away.. lol.. I

tried the other one first and just wouldnt do, so I then got this one

and snagged 2nd try..and ,, yup..its still up.. and so am I ..but-

not for long lol... Nitey Nite.. :-)

Y'all have a good one, now Y'hear? Love ya.. and thanks.. :-)

Always, Lois ****

God Bless you is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe

until I write again..