~AloneNess~

Since I have been sick I have realized things that I didn't

know I really felt..and when I stop and think about them I didn't

really know that I missed that part of living.. While I was so sick

in bed..I laid there so many times, so ill and not even hardly

strong enough to get into my chair, I would think of the alone

ness and no one I could call out to to ask for help..or to say

"would you bring me a soda please?" There was no one..


I was emailing to a friend and I had mentioned how loving my

family was..that I don't ever remember a time while I was at

home with my parents that not one day went by that they didn't

tell each other they loved them and gave each other a kiss or

a touch on the arm or shoulder as they passed each other..I

know until the day my dad died he always knew that my mom

loved him and she was there.. When my dad passed I had no

idea how badly my mother missed him..now I can truly say I

really do..the aloneness she felt..when my dad was always

there. My mother committed suicide 8 months after my dad

died.. She was lost with out him..and just felt she could not

live with out him, and she walked into that cold freezing river

and died, wanting and hoping she would be with him again.

My family always has been a loving one..Everyone in my family

knows my rules.. if you visit me.. you cannot leave with out a hug

and a kiss.. that's my rules.. Donnie always before he leaves

comes up to me and puts his cheek out for me to kiss him..some

times I refuse and make HIM give ME the KOTC ...Dawn, Kelli

they know.. I was this way with my ex..if we fought or what ever

we never ever parted with out a kiss and a hug and a good bye.

The last time I saw him..that is just what we did...I told him then,

that was his last kiss from me and he better make it a good one

lol..bless his heart ..he sure did..!!! :-) was a nice juicy sloppy

smack right on the mouth..and he just kissed my lips all over..

He was a good kisser too..he had nice full lips..that just

sucked your whole face in..:-D well kissing is a good thing..

Anyway, my point is.. I thought I could do this alone bit..that it

is a good thing..and I guess it is..to a point..but I do miss the

time spent with someone..and times shared having fun..doing

things you both like.. I think that alone totally is NOT a good

thing.. I think I need to expand my circle of friends and start

to make arrangements to end this aloneness..I have seriously

considered moving..and I even talked to the CMH , that if

I did move would my grant still be good and they assured me

it would be.. Perhaps a town or a place where I had more

friends..and maybe even a bigger house so that I could have

someone to live with me..for company and to share time

with. I think that may be the smart thing to do and being that

sick and all by my self with only 2 lazy cats that did not one

thing for their sick mother either..they just laid around and

kept me warm laying on me ...they are company..that's true,

but not in the same way..we cant carry on a very good

conversation as I just have not mastered the kittie language

I know some words.but I just cant get the jift of it.. :-D

I did get a good phone call today from Lori from Keystone..she

is coming next Monday for a visit..she is so nice..she thought

she had a small TV for me for in the kitchen but she found out it

really belonged to a Host there so it was not supposed to be

given away..But she did tell me that perhaps CMH may help me

to get a freezer and possibly a washer and dryer..would that

be a blessing or what? I would be so happy..and I know that

Penny would be really pleased.. But I thought that was so good

and I hope they can help me..specially to get a freezer.. I think

I am going to rearrange my kitchen again..and take out my

dining room table in there..There is just no need for it to be

there..I could put a nice refrigerator there..or bring that gold

cabinet with the food in it into the kitchen where it should be

and NOT in the bathroom.. I told you I have so much work to

be done here its pathetic.. I just need a volunteer that wants

to come and spend a couple weeks with me.. :-D..now that

is an offer I don't see how anyone could refuse lol...

My up time is done and I have got to get out of this chair for

awhile I was going to take a nap as I got up at 4 am..Cameron

that brought the lunch today said I was looking good..and I

am surprised I must not look like I feel lol...I did make a little

video today..its only one minute long and just me..and it has

audio as well..Its quite large in MB however..but if you would

like to see it I will send it to you.You just have to write and ask

for it.. Its just a small clip of me..nothing special at all..but its

cute ..made me laff..and I was laffin at me.. Has audio and

video and I sat still and didn't say much but Hi or Hello lol

But its me.. use the lovelylittlelegs@gmail.com addy please.

It can be my Happy Easter to you.. :-)

Well its that time..if you notice I have posted later today so I

may be feeling a tad better..I know im hungry..lunch was so

ickky looking I had no idea what it was..I am feeling better,

but I go up and down..I feel good then bad for a while..its

fun.. I never know how I feel..lol..that's about right for me..

But I do feel its time to say "Nitey Nite" :-)

Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? love ya..and thanks :-)

ALways, Lois ****

God Bless you is my prayer today,

I'm so honored to call you "friend";

I pray the Lord will keep you safe

until I write again..