~SHOES~

I very seldom remember my dreams.. but
I had one a few days ago, that woke me up
even! That's how, not really bad, but how it
upset me kinda I guess.. Know what I dreamed
about? SHOES!!! of ALL things! I LOVE shoes!
Always have.. I loved wearing high heels and
when I worked I loved having a job that I could
dress up and wear them.. Ive fallen many times
cuz of them, I sprained my ankle at least 4 times
I know :-) Was worth it... I had great legs, and
the higher the heel the better they looked :-)

In this flippin dream that really I guess made
me mad! :-) Tho, In my dreams I'm never a amputee,
I always am walking.. I can honestly say I cannot
recall EVER having a dream of being in this chair
or with out legs.. Well my brain don't know theyre
gone.. so its logical... ;-)  I was walking down this
street with stores on each side full of shoes!
EVERY store was a shoe store... I went into them
one by one, but was always stopped at the door,
so I would go to the next one..and the next but
was not allowed in...

By now I was getting very upset and I didn't
understand why I was turned back at the door.
I wanted to see the shoes! At the last store, a
man was standing in the doorway, I went up to
him and he put his arm across so I couldn't pass
by and go in... I thought SURELY THIS store
would let me in...WRONG.....

He said to me "Lois", how he knew my name I
don't know, but he said, " you cant come into
my store, you cant have any shoes, you don't
need them.."  I looked at the man like he was
nutz and tried again to go in.. he blocked me
again, saying "you have no feet to wear shoes"...
THATS what woke me up.... I think my brain
almost had a blow out...it finally realized maybe
that I'm an amputee? I dunno, but this sure
woke me up.. and made me think back to those
first days after my first amputation, about my
shoes....

I remember that first time as if it was yesterday.
I sat there, I was a below knee then.. my 2nd
amputation was a few weeks away yet, till they
made me  a SAK... (single above knee) My right
leg was taken twice.. :(  Anyhoway, I sat and
looked at my shoes in the closet.. I think I
had like 4 pairs there... I picked up the right
shoe of my favorite tennis shoes, held it
close and I sat there and cried.. To throw this
shoe away, made it real.. and I still didn't want
to  really admit this was happening to me.. I
held the shoe I bet for 15 minutes, tears running
down my face and then finally I rolled over to
the trash and threw it in there... I went back to
the closet and got the right shoe to the other
pairs in there and did the same thing.. I hugged
my shoe and cried over it and threw it in the
trash....

This was traumatic for me and I think, I
bet a lot of amputees feel this way too when
that time comes... I remember when I was a
dak, and I was wearing pants, I was having a
hard time with the empty pants legs dragging
getting caught in the wheels even.. A nurse
said to me one day, "just cut them off Lois"...
I was so shocked... cut them off too? NO! I
went and put on a skirt and threw EVERY pair
of pants I had in the trash too, just like I did
my shoes.. I had no legs, why would I need pants?
I still to this day, 11 years later, do NOT wear
pants, I do have a pair, why, I dunno.. but I don't
look at them..theyre in the back of my closet...

This is just going on and on hey? I get to thinking
about all this stuff and how these different
things like throwing a shoe away, or cutting off
my pants legs... no one really knew or knows I
think what effect it has on a person.. so....
leave it to me to tell ya!!  I should write a book.
Be interesting...things doctors don't even know
I bet!   :-)

I'm waiting for my nurse so I'm gonna stop
this post and get it posted ! I woke to RAIN
and what a blessing.. we sure needed it...
Michigan has been declared a drought area.
I'm still a most GORGEOUS WEEBLE  and I
hope you enjoyed my story!! :-) Keep well and
God Bless..

Always, Lois ****

   "God Bless You", is my prayer today,
  I'm so honored to call you "friend"
  I pray the Lord will keep you safe,
      until I write again.....