~Being A SAK~

This is the only photo of me as a SAK, we were playing a game during a
party at the hellhome. I think I was throwing darts at some balloons. It
wasn't because of everyone there that I called that place the hellhome,
I think it was mainly because I felt I was in hell...You can see some of
the The Dearies behind me, I guessed at what month this was taken,
because I dont remember when it was for sure...I see them in this
photo and I know most are not even there now, this was 3 years ago..
such a long time, yet seems like yesterday too...

I am very thin in this photo, I know I went down to 99 pounds. They
were weighing me all the time, I had no appetite and I guess I really
deep inside didnt care, I saw nothing ahead and had NO idea WHAT
was going to happen to me. I wore pants when I was a sak, dressed
up, did my hair, make up, but remember very little just bits and
pieces I guess that's how our minds will protect us. I look happy in
this photo, it must have been a good day.

Being a sak, I know was easier, I could stand for short times, long
enough to at least reach the shelf in my closet, or to stand and pull
my pants on when I wore them, then once I lost both legs, is when
I started wearing only dresses. The pair of pants I have on in this
photo I remember I used to call my happy pants because they
look something like you would see a joker would wear or a harlequin.
I did like wearing pants, I had some great jeans. But I did wear a
dress now and then, everyone there had to be dressed everyday.
Was sad by the time I escaped they had started to wake The Dearies
at 4 am to get them dressed and into chairs and ready for the day,
they got them up that early to help the day shift, and ease their jobs.
They would drag them out of bed, dress them and push them up by
the desk to sit and wait until 8 am for breakfast, where they instantly
would go back to sleep. They KNEW NOT to wake me, but I couldnt
stop them from waking anyone else OR my roomate, which they did
by turning on the lights, banging around, which DID wake me, and
the fight was on, what a way to start the day. :-(

I think too having one leg sure made it easier to navigate in a chair
as well, I could at least carry things, I just used my left hand to carry
and with having my left leg, I wouldnt go in circles when I tried to
roll.. Now, I have to play the switch hands game when I carry some
thing, or I will go in circles and you just dont get anywhere doing
that, well dizzy maybe lol...and you spill alot .. :-) I have a powerchair,
and I do use it, not much it makes me weak. I decided I had it, why
not use it.. do it the easy way, I did for about a month maybe, then
decided it really was easier to use my manual as my power chair
wasn't working right and would have spurts of speed and just cuz
you took your fingers off the joystick ment it would stop.. the dent
in my bathroom wall is proof of that. When I started using my manual
again I was shocked, my arms in just that short a time had gotten
weak, and it was more of an effort to use them, now I only use my
powerchair if I have to go any distance like down the 3 halls here to
the mail, or outside.

Thanksgiving day and I broke the rules... I made spaghetti and NOT
turkey.. Well... I LOVE turkey and dressing, yes, but I LOVE sketti..
and lunch from COA on wednesday was turkey & dressing and I
was surprised was VERY good. So I made a lucious meat sauce and
my favorite angel hair pasta, was very good, I ate, crawled up on my
bed and took a long nap afterwards.. Now tomorrow I can complain
I'm gaining weight ... I KNOW... EXERCISE LOIS !!! :-D
So, no snack tonite, I have some mail to answer, and I better get
busy, dont laff at my funny pants up there, lol, I HATED getting
rid of them, but I KNOW They wouldnt fit me now anyways lol

Thanks for all the Happy Thanksgiving wishes I got today, what
would I do without all of you? HMMM probably be VERY SAD..
.
Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? Luv ya...THANKS !!! :-D
Always, Lois***