~Entering The Amputee World~

Thanksgiving brings back many memories for me, that I remember.
I fell on Thanksgiving, 2000, and broke my right leg, just above the
ankle. That leg had been bypassed at least 3 times, and the vein
taken out for the triple heart bypass I had earlier that year, in May.
There was a scar that ran almost the length of it from that. The leg
was NOT in good shape.

I remember nothing but pain and tears. They put my leg into what
they called a pressure boot. I had neuropathy in it as well. I watched
as my foot slowly turned black. My sister came and took me up to
my Dr. that informed us the leg had to come off below the knee and
set up a time and day for the surgery, which was in just a few days.
I dont remember exactly. I went back to the hellhome to wait.

The morning of the first amputation was about Jan 11th, at 3 or so
I remember the aides coming in to wake me and get me dressed.
The whole time I cried, " I don't want to do this". They were kind
and compassionate, telling me they understood and were so sorry
each hugging me . They helped me dress and as one of the aides
combed my hair, I told her "don't bother who cares what I look like".
She gently combed it telling me, "Lois, we care, and you want to look
nice, you know that." She patted my shoulder and helped me into my
chair, wheeled me up to the desk, signed me out and they loaded me
into the van and my journey to the world of the amputee had begun.

I dont remember the ride there, all I remember is pain and tears, not
wanting to lose my leg, but the promise of no more pain, I HAD no
choice. I couldnt handle the horrific pain of the gangrene that had set
in, I was ready. I woke, later to the nurses moving me into my bed,
and I do remember feeling no pain, I felt relief, but I didnt look then
to see why. I slept, a peaceful sleep that I hadnt had in ages.

I woke again hours later, in the middle of the night, confused, not
really sure of where I was, what was happening. I do remember no
pain. I sat up, looked around, listened to the sounds around me, all
was quiet only the light was from the hall and the moon outside. I
first reached down and put my hand on my thigh and it felt ok, I
slowly looked down, and my eyes went down the length of my leg,
just below the knee about half calf, there was nothing, no leg under
the sheet. I sat there, just looking at it for I dont know how long,
then slowly pulled the sheet back, saw the foot was gone and a
bandage wrapped around the new stump they left me. I just stared
at it, not sure this was real, but knowing it was ALL to real.

I remember thinking, "Lord, I'm dreaming," as my hand touched
the end of my stump, but this wasn't a dream, this was all happening.
The sadness that came over me was overwhelming and I cried until
the nurse came in and gave me the shot that put me back to sleep.

The next morning, they came told me to get up, get in the chair,
and lets get rolling.... and I did..... I entered the amputee world.
Its not a bad place here, its really not, you learn to adjust, make
the best of what you have, and what you don't have. Its true that
from that day to this, its been rough, I didnt expect it to be easy,
but Lord, I didnt know it would be this hard sometimes either.

I'm gradually getting over this virus, and I'm glad, so are the boys.
They have been great little nurses, taking excellent care of me
and sticking close. lol... Thanks for all the get well wishes, y'all are
so kind, and I sincerely appreciate it. Now I'm off to check mail
before I crawl back onto my bed with all my pillows (7) and I
have my mink cape Ive been using to cover my stumps with, the
softness of the wonderful brown fur is so nice to feel and the satin
lining feels good against my skin and helps me to relax as I scan
thru the 120 channels, cable is such a treat. lol..

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya.. thanks :-)
ALways, Lois ***


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