~Phantoms~

I was asked today "how long will the phantoms last?" I've talked to many
other amputees, some new amps.. some that have been amps most of their
lives.. and the answer is.."forever" A pain specialist told me the same.. One
person told me that as time goes by the invisble leg will seem shorter and
shorter until it has receeded back up to the amputation itself, and the
phantoms will decrease. I know my invisible legs feel half the length
they used to..

To describe what a Phantom is..its rather hard. First though, I feel my
invisible legs CONSTANTLY, whether I am sitting or laying down.. I
feel the legs there , but they feel shorter, half of the length they were. I
would say they reach the top of my front tires, and most of the time the
foot is in a arched position as if I were standing on my toes. I can move
my foot side to side..but I cannot kick it out so to speak...The feet feel
like they are in stirrups.. and being pushed down from the knee.. a
sort of pressure type feeling, its not pain but most uncomfortable.

The actual PAIN I feel at times is like a ice pick that stabs me repeatedly
in my heels..and actually really hurts..The pain can hurt so badly that I
actually have to hold the ends of my stumps tightly and keep telling myself
the legs are GONE..they cannot hurt. That does NOT work.. I just have to
wait until it passes, at times it seems to just go on and on, and will make
my stumps jump from the feeling of the pain...

When I lay down, my invisible legs feel like they are hanging over the
side of the bed, or that they are at an angle off to the side..When I
wake up I realize that the feeling is that the invisible legs are straight
out like they are supposed to be when you lay down.. Yet the ache is
always there when ever I am awake..I have been awakened from a
sound sleep by the pain at times. The constant pressure feeling its
most uncomfortable...

I was on pain meds etc for the phantoms..but I dont like taking pain
meds..Most dont work on me anyway as they had me on some very
serious ones when my legs were dying while I was in the hellhome.
I have tried many different kinds and none worked and many caused
clashes with my other meds which made me sick..So I decided last
year no more.. I can just deal with the pains..If they are going to be
with me the rest of my life , well then I will just have to asjust or
go thru the rest of my days in a drugged state and I wont do that..
since I quit all those 15 medications I was on.. I feel like I am a real
person again.. and since I know the pain will be forever.. well I have
to just roll with them...I dont really have a choice how, do i? I can
choose tho how I myself will deal with them..each one of us reacts
to pain in a different way.. I lived in constant pain for 3 years, very
serious pain..what I have now is nothing to what I experienced before
and I would NEVER wish that sort of angonizing pain on anyone.

Like all the side affects of amputations I think the Phantoms are the
worse.. as there is NOTHING you can do to stop them, its one of the
rules I think of being a amputee,, you WILL have Phantoms.

I made some great chicken and rice with tomatoes today and I have
not eaten and of course I am starved, so I am off to fix a nice plate
and crawl up on my bed with the boys and we are going to watch
some of those 120 wonderful channels I have been blessed with..It
is SUCH a treat..to see a clear picture even lol. AHHH Life is Good..
:-) Until tomorrow...
Y'all have a good one now y'hear? Luv ya... & thanks.. :-)
Always, Lois***

Ps.. hope everyone enjoys the video clip that was the prize for the contest!
If you havent gotten yours , let me know.. all that entered got a nice little
video clippie of me.. :-) see? maybe the NEXT contest more will enter lol
have any questions or subjects you would like to know about just ask...:-)