~Lotsa Pain~

Rough night last night.. Started about 3 yesterday after

noon. The phantoms in my left stump..well they were and

STILL ARE very bad. I don't think I slept longer than an

hour at one time, if that. The pain is in my foot, my big

toe. It gets these shooting pains so bad sometimes that
I almost see stars. I try to think back to what I could

have done these past few days to trigger this again.. Last

time they were this bad I ended up in hospital for 5 days.

I'm not doing that again!.. Well, if I DID have to go back,

I would REFUSE to go to Three Rivers Hospital.. I would

go to Borgess where I have been before or to Coldwater,

even Sturgis is better than going back to Three Rivers.

But the pain IS that bad.. Its not stopped all this day, so

far.. I wont stay in this chair as long today, maybe that's

whats wrong, I'm staying in this chair too long every day.

I don't know...They didn't and don't tell us this stuff,

well they didn't me, that I can REMEMBER anyway.

That first year in the hell home, I don't remember but

bits and pieces and I cant say it really happened, I was so

out of it, and to remember what anyone instructed me to

do.. I have NO idea.. Then that first year out, in 2002, I

was still out of it I stayed on pain crap...cuz of that awful

infection.. so that year is kinda fuzzy too.. Ive not been

back to a vascular doctor though since they amputated

my legs.... I guess I should go just to make sure its not

something that could go back to an infection like I had.

I don't honestly think I could go through that again.. It

was so very very bad, I would start to cry before the

nurse even got there, because I KNEW how much MORE

I was going to hurt and that about drove me insane..

The nurse I had coming then, was 4 times a week then 3.

I think.. But I remember she was very nice and every

time she knew it was going to be very painful she warned

me, which I already knew too.. I appreciated the fact that

she did all she could to stop the pain, make it hurt less

when she cleaned and dressed the wound. When she

decided to give me injections to numb it I was happier. I

didn't like the shots.. but I knew within seconds the pain

would stop.... and I SURE needed that, it was then I felt

I could breathe again, no pain...Then.. NOW, well.. its not

as bad as back then, but it sure hurts, let me tell ya.. So

much so I may call Erica and see if she cant call some

thing in to the drug store here, be closer. I need to get

my pills transferred up here anyway. But I sure need

some kind of relief..

Guess what I made yesterday? I made a pan of Halupki's.

Know what they are? Stuffed cabbage rolls. I have to say,

I felt guilty eating them. They are SO good!! Every bite I

thought to my self 'call the boy, tell him'... I am a rotten

selfish mom.. I did NOT call Donnie and tell him I made

them.. I only made 8.. :-) well that's not even enough for

Donnie, let alone both of us.. :-) Penny helped, she cut up

the onion and cooked the cabbage, all I had to do was

mix it, stuff it, bake it and eat it :-) Good? Well- so good

I didn't even call the boy.. so you KNOW they were :-)

I havent made them since I was in the apartment.. over

2 years ago now.. I was SO ready for them.. I have 3 left.

I know.. that means I ate 5 yesterday.. maybe that's why

my stump is aching? :-) Too full a belly, puts weight on my

stump ? :-) possible.. :-) but I don't think so....:-) I will

make some more just for him, hes been requesting.. so

I have no choice, hes very good to me and this just shows

Donnie I appreciate him.. He knows I do. I never hesitate

to tell anyone that, we all need to know we are for what

ever reason.. :-)

Time to post this and try to get comfy for a while.. This

pain gets bad, then eases up for a little while, then BOOM!

it hits again and catches me off guard, makes me tense up,

vicious circle.. Maybe a nap will help.. Something's got to ! I

will find what will help...I HOPE !~ this is getting VERY Old

already... If this had happened when I was in my 30's or

40's.. boy I dunno.. by now I would be so sick of this...so I

guess happening when it did made it so I could accept it

better.. I dunno.. I DO KNOW its lunch time..maybe food

will help.. :-) but then that might be MORE weight! :-) Its

time for my GORGEOUS WEEBLE "g'day, g'day" .. Hope

yours is better, at least pain free !! :-)

Y'all have a good one now, Y'hear? love ya and thanks !
Always, Lois ****

"God Bless You", is my prayer today,
I'm honored to call you "Friend".

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again....