You Need To Know....

I have to tell you, what I write..what I say, the WORDS, I use, are me, and
MY way, of expressing how I feel. howI do things ..to put down here just how
this affects me..Sometimes I do explain a little to graphically, but If you
KNOW me? Then you know I tell it like it is..and if you dont want to read
how i express this..well..then see the xout thingie? I wont change how I
am...I do have a way of using some decriptive words..I WRITE STORIES
for pete's sake..go read ! :-) How do I convey how things affect me when
you cant hear me..so my only way is here.and I tell..I don't care ,, I have
nothing to hide, and you want to know..well Ok..ill say it.MY WAY.. but
please..if someone doesnt like what they read, dont tell me no one else
does either.. I KNOW better. I WANT TO . !. Know how many times I do
before anyone else? lots..to make sure I put down here just how I feel
and Im willing to share if your interested. ok? oki doki. Im sharing...
lets play nice ok? *wink*...

My gripe today? hmm? or the goody? well the goody is Im closer to
tomorrow with each Tick Tick Tick..I get C*A*B*L*E.. yeah buddy
im a happy camper now. I , well.. im just happy , internet? oh yessss
Ill be SO Fast...Ill be there for 5 minutes , my usual wait time before
I realize I'm there. This is gonna be so good. I'm excited..

So the baddie? *sigh* its one of the joys we in chairs are doing
without because we are intimidated. I was told to stay offline for 2 hrs
so they can reach their caregive in case they need to.?. well I log off
for her to call in..2 hrs later log off for to call out. They are stopping
my caregiver hours of course are going to try to find someone, Ive
looked trust me.there is no one..6.00 an hour? gas is 3.oo a gallon?
do the math..So now I am back to no caregiver which I do need
help..I CANNOT do this alone..trust me ive tried.
apparently my being online isnt important enuff, tho I in a round
about am paying for this, because they wont provide beepers or
cell phones because of employees they dont trust. so they HAVE
to use MY phone..Umm what if I DIDNT have a phone? would I
not be allowed to have help? What if I did have a online job?
I can tell them they have to leave work for 2 hrs or they cant work
any more? no..but this is how we are intimidated.. Im so tired of
this..and the others here..theyre so scared its pitiful. If we
dont like it here. how its done? MOVE..get out..and If you say
to much? well we will evict you..EVICT ME..Ill sit out there
in the middle of the road.. but the others? 80 yrs old? they
cant..so they hush when they cant flush their toilets..and
wait..guess whos the only toilet got fixed? out of 4 bad?
I DO get evicted anyone need a room mate? :-D


Well more good.? I was informed today, said." Lois, you are
so SEXY, wonderful..gorgeous..and I LOVE reading what you
say." I do know this,, I am sexy.!. I KNEW l I was before these
legs came off.!. yeahhh I was.!. I looked good with
legs I have pictures to PROVE it LOL..And I am that same
woman..and I think Just as..maybe even moreso now! i get
told that daily! and everytime I read that? think I feel good?
you betcha..and I say "Thank you Thank You....
.
I love this I get to tell all kinds of good stuff, bad stuff,, lol
MY stuff...but this is me stuff..and yup..i get down , i get up,
and I get mad too..I can give you references on THAT as well
..Im honest but it does make me feel good when I know someone
else is interesedt to read this besides just me..I ve been reading
my old journal..I should write a book..no one would believe it
was a real persons life LOL..really..But Im not in that BAD a
place..at times, yes.... but, well whos Life isnt anyway?
remember that gramma in that steve martin move about
the roller coaster ride? The ups & downs? Its true...good thing
im on wheels..so. NOW the rides gonna get easier yes? :-)

So ok Im off Lunch was awful..so Im hungry. Its seek and
ye shall find...ahhh I have SHRIMP!!!. its late but I dont
care..its not when u eat its what u eat... I heard that some
where. well thats my story anyway..im stickin to that one :

Color me gone for tonite . Sorry I was late for this very
important date.. Logging off
Y'all have a good one now y'hear?
Always, Lois..

How Do You Sleep?

I get asked alot "how'd you sleep last nite?" Some nites pretty good
I dont get up at all..but it depends what time I finally pull up to
my bed which determines when I have to get up again- what REALLY
decides is if I drink too many soda's while I'm watching tv to be honest.

If I'm tired, I'll fall asleep pretty fast depending how far I am propped
on my pillows. I lay opposite on my bed. I use the long side for the
headboard which gives me a kings size, I can only lay on my back or
right side. I have a abdominal (2nd) bypass that goes down my left
side, so I cant lay on that side. When I lay on my right side my left
stump being not really that much, but enuff longer puts extra weight
on my hip which makes my stump at an angle..I usually use a pillow
between them to even out the weight and straighten my stump out
to ease the hips. My hips will ache, even on my back. If i lay at the
wrong slouch, or angle, my hips get pressure on them, so I pull a
pillow up under my stumps to kind of prop them up like how you
would if you had your knees up which you know is comfortable
when you lay on your back sometimes...

After my triple heart bypass in 2000 I could only lay on my back.
for 10 weeks. My ribs, chest was opened so they had to be like
clamped back together till they reattached. When I saw the x-rays
of my heart catherization in mar of 03, i freaked as I had not
seen any of my chest after the heart bypass . There are about 6
of these long key like rods with the rectangle at the end ..like you
would open a sardine can in there.!!! I said "ummm HEY !! whats
this???" thats what they used to keep them together ..I was so
amazed..I had no idea thats what they did ~!~ was interesting...

So anyway, when I want to turn to my right side, y'all just turn.
I cant if i dont have any thing to grab onto..Well a little furry
cat aint gonna do it y'know? and Im in the middle of a king size
bed..So, I have to do a sit up..Try to sit up..no feet on the floor,
and its like military situps with your feet up..I use my tray
table, now - Im sleepy here, i grab the end, of course my hand
slips, i fall back..ok 1 more time, I sit up, scoot sideways, and
then lay back down, then move pillow between my legs, cover
back up..OK, NOW I can go back to sleep..LOL.. This aint easy
I'm telling you..

I was on so many pain killers in the Health care that I slept
sometimes sitting up, I got used to having lots of pillows , I
have 7 on my bed now, 2 are body ones... I had trouble
breathing sometimes, and would sit up. (sak then) and pile
my pillows in front of me , lean forward and sleep. I guess
sleeping on my stomach sort of.. I cant sleep that way either
Laying on my chest isnt comfortable..HA! NOW i know WHY,
well just thought of that ! Those key lookin thingies in there.
Hmm , took me long enuff to figure THAT out..DUH..lol...

Some nites are smooth sleep..just on my back. Some nites
are up, turn, down, up turn down, just the ups and downs
are enuff lol..I dont sleep for long periods of time, depending
how long I have been up for. I think I sometimes get
insomnia,, I KNOW its NOT my computer :-) Also Dutch
will give me his little furry tappy face hits sometimes at
4 am.. He loves me.. :-) I better not tell TOO much more or
no one will EVER wanna sleep with me ! ! :-)

Ok so NOW you know how a dak sleeps lolol. Lord, I just
tell everything,, and I wear a niteshirt, kinda long,, i might
as well tell it all..and yes, SILK..easier to move in ! So I guess
since Im all ready for bed here, so to speak, I was taking a
nap y'know and I woke up special to come and tell you how
i'm sleeping so..HEY ! I'm going back to bed, pretty good tv
on sunday, tomorrow is Prison Break I like that show..
that guy on there has the greatest eyes lol. . :-)
Tuesday..120 channels? MMM i CANNOT WAIT ! ! !
I'll be back...fair warning lol...
Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya... :-)
Always, Lois***

Been a PRETTY good week..

This has been a good week.. I have to say the good has outnumbered
the bad.. I did have a bit of a go round later last nite but i think cuz i
ate some swiss cheese..and did NOT sit well.. I woke up a few times
during the nite and was nauseated this morning a bit from it i guess.
I think was the cheese was just funky tasted ok..but Dutch , you know
HAS to taste everything I eat ...so he even threw up this morning..
we both are doing ok, hes running around here now thinkin' its play
time..mom is too busy to notice what i get into.. I do believe he was
attacking my mouse last nite tho cuz its being a real buggar today.
sticks , wont move.. i bet he did, .i would NOT be surprised, I
wonder if THAT is what made him pukey? hmm i didnt see any
parts of it missing...lol...

I am debating whether to move my puter back into my bedroom.
I left the desk in there and just have it in here in my sewing room
on a table. I thought if i move it back..and close this room off for
the winter may prove to be helpful with my electric bill. And there
is a huge window i am facing which is drafty..I can feel it come
from like underneath the window sill on my stumps.

I have a lovely mink cape was given to me years ago by my ex mother
in laws boyfriend..(she didnt want it! go figure that out!!!) so the way
it is shaped , to go around shoulders is perfect for over my stumps.
the part that would cross in front i put on the sides of me and tuck
it in so i dont feel any draft at all..and I HAVE to say i do feel quite
elegant when i have that mink over me..its very soft and VERY
warm. Lovely thing im so glad he gave it to me. The boys do too when
i put it over on the other chair they get on it right away and keep
it warm for me lol...

I got some great messages today on yahoo and I want to tell you every
time i read that my little corner here is being read makes me feel so
good..and that you like what i write. I just try to let you know what
it really is LIKE to have this happen to you.. It was a bad thing ,, yes,
a totally new life opened for me. At first i thought . my life is over..I
have NO reason to do this anymore, but thats NOT true at all. I have
met some of the nicest people because of these amputations..So they
cannot be that bad now can they? I get told more now that I am sexy,
*blush* and beautiful ( i knew that :D jk) and wonderful than I EVER
have even from my ex husbands..so HEY thats not TOO shabby in
my book. i kinda like it lol, sure makes my day kinda shiney :D

I thought was only up to me to make this bad thing into a good thing
.and i have to say,, i didnt do it all..no, ive had help, that i appreciate..
its everyone that HAS accepted me in this new shortened state. Dont
see just the stumps but all of me..that hey, Lois the sexy gorgeous
wonderful woman is me! I know my stumps do attract some people
which is fine with me. we all are attracted to something. so this is as
good as anything else as long as its kept in prospective.. Now Ill be
honest..i have had SOME prettttty ..hmmm. . . RAW? remarks
about them and sometimes i get told stuff i really
dont want to read, or things happen that show no respect.. But I
think the majority have been honest sincere and really do respect
me for who and what i am..see ALL of me, let me know that they
see how hard this really is and admire me for being so open about
this and telling EVERYTHING i know lol..but THATS a good thing to.
There is NO WAY i can do this alone, and I am grateful for the
encouragement i get..means so much to me..AND does keep me going.

Well its 7 pm..do you know where your children are? lolol mine are
right here both sitting next to my monitor ( which is on its last legs)
gonna be worse than me tho cuz it gets pitched in the trash ALL of it.
Not just the legs LOL..I think i will go and try to eat something, I
may just do some soup. I love Mrs. Grass Noodle Soup. I will leave
the spaghetti sauce for some angel hair pasta for my sunday dinner
i think. hmm does sound good tho..be kinda tasty while i watch
COPS. I like that show.

Thanks for helping me accept me, and making my days brighter ..
I honestly do appreciate it..and when i sit in my silk skirt and have
a gorgeous sweater on and this mink over my stumps..i FEEL LIKE
A QUEEN. :D..and thats A GOOD thing..ask Martha ...
oh..Happy Halloween...!

y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya.. a kotc for all of u ..
Always, Lois ***

Why when things are good......

I'm here and I had a really massive headache today, I woke up with it . I
havent slept well now in the past few days. Only getting 4 to 5 hours
at night. I think I get too many things on my mind and then my brain
overloads and I cant sleep..Its POSSIBLE~!~ even for blondes ! :D

This week was a good one with getting cable set up for next week and
not too much falling apart, a clean apartment, and today CLEAN clothes.
I can go into my closet and not sit there naked for a half hour trying to
decide what I can find to wear..of course that FITS me..lol. Its warm in
here thanks to my neighbor Penny, shes a good woman, cares for her
daughter that is in a wheelchair. Penny kind of looks out for me if there
is a alarm or something going on in the building and she thinks I am not
aware of it she lets me know..A few days back there was someone lurking
in the hall and trying peoples doors, Penny called and warned me to make
sure mine were locked. Once she came over said we had a prowler out
side the building and she took the time to come and help me to make sure
my windows and other door was locked as I cant reach the window ones.
She is good to have next door..These little acts of kindness mean alot and
I never hesitate to tell her how much I appreciate she looks out for me.

Even though things go well and run smoothly I get surprised, why when
things ARE going ok, I wake up with a headache and what I call one of
my DARK moods, where I can easily cry. I hear a song, or see a mail
that someone has told me how much they enjoy reading my little tidbits
i write, and even that I am sexy and beautiful, I still feel sad. I think
because of the depression that just seems to associate with any person
that has any kind of lingering health problems is the reason, and it is
something that is just unavoidable..Funny how my boys seem to sense
when mom is having a bit of a rough go, they seem to know and stay
even closer to me. Neither of them are the kind you can hold and pet
or lay in your lap, by you , yes. but not to hold. Dutch is here, laying
in my lap as I type this as if to say, "hey Mom, i'm here" LB is laying
next to my monitor. I think when we lose someone, or something
we love even years after they have left us, we still mourn them
being gone. I can only compare the feeling of losing my legs to the
feeling I felt when I heard the words, "Daddy is gone", and "we
found your mother,,,,," or "your sister, died, today, so sorry it
was on your 59th birthday"..These are the loses I can only compare
to the feelings when I heard,"Lois, the leg HAS to come off".....

My remedy that helps for these Dark days, I find my favorite
songs, "Into the Mystic", or "Time In a Bottle" or "Moon Shadow"
Then I find my happy songs that I know will make me smile like
a good foot tappin polka, or a good old rock & roll oldie. Music is
such a wonderful thing...what it can do for a person.. I highly
recommend it.

Halloween week end.!.! boy do i remember some excellent partys
I have been to..the fun, and trying to think of a really unique
costume. once I was going to glue M & M's allllll over my naked
body,, put a raisen in my belly button and go as a COOKIE..:D ..
i decided I could possibly get into trubble with that one..so no I
didnt do that...lol...*bet i woulda won best costume * ~~~ :D

I had a late lunch so I am not on a food search after I close this
out tonite, but I thought I would head back to Yahoo and find a
chat friend there to spend a little time with until I head to my
bed..The headache has eased, and I finally heard from a dear
friend I hadnt heard from in awhile , got a mail just a bit ago,
and THAT did make me smile, so I will send my reply soon.
I LOVE to get email..*HINT HINT*...I hope everyone reading
this has a great week end, be careful..dont eat too much candy
but have a GREAT one. HMMM..my writing this has helped
that little dark that still is lingering..I guess cause I know you
will be coming to share some time with me when you read this
and I hope will let me know...:-)
Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? Luv ya...:D
Always, Lois ***

I Have to say.....

I just was amazed today at all the great comments I got from last
nights post..I have to admit i was a little worried that some might
get offended by reading my description of what my stumps feel
like actually..No one was offended at all..even my girl friends
laughed and I am NOT gonna tell exactly what some of the
comments were about having 4 ! lolol But y'all ask..so hey..i told.
I am really so pleased to hear all the great things you are all
telling me..it just makes me really really glad I am doing this
I was having a rough go and my friend said GET A BLOG
i think he was tired of me whineing to him ya think? lolol
hmmm... y'all are glad he talked me into this tho aint ya? :D

Well i did a stupid today tho..yup..i did ..AGAIN.. rollin too
fast..ran right up close toooo close to the side of the door
.i was in a hurry..no specifics..and I hit and really scraped
the back of my knuckes and part of the back of my hand
between the grabber wheel ,,,what i call it..the gas pedal
so to speak..and the door facing ..knocked the bark off of
a couple spots..on the door too!!..THAT hurts..I have
done that a few times. There are some scrapes and dings
all over in here..one i missed judged a turn to the potty
ran into the wall and theres a kinda dent in the wall.. :D.
My potty is working great by the way..every time I
scoot up to it i think "geez i got a real toilet seat.."
when i slide back into my chair..and reach out and the
HANDLE doesnt fall off in my hand..I am so glad...and
it works great...i'm livin large here...lol...

I got some call backs for some new lower dentures..and
i may be able to even get some new glasses in case I do
ever go out i dont have to wear these magnifiers and
look like suzy frumpy..they work good tho..But some
new nice looking ones would sure be great.!..

And COLD in here today???? ..wow..i mean colder than a
witches butt on a brass broomstick let me TELL you.!
I called my neighbor and she came and turned it on the heat
for me..i wasnt to keen on having to climb all over my
recliner i cant use to do it.. I got a electric one they said be good
for me..no , no, still have to have to have weight on the
foot thingie , yes..even tho its electric..for that to go
ALL the way down..that was a fun escape thing too. I
had to pull chair up to the side..and climb over the arm
rest to get into my chair..if i would have scooted across
the foot thingie still up..well ya i would have hit the
floor ..THEN the buggar would have went down! So that
chair sits in there..I refuse to be climbing over the arm rest
every time i get out of it..so I watch tv on my bed ,
and get i even more comfy anyway..I lay and do leg exercises
it helps sometimes too when they ache..sitting for
hours they do get stiff..and the massaging does feel
good then...this cold tho sure makes them ache..I
should move to where its warm..hmm ..Florida
maybe..NOT on the hurricane side tho..is there one?

I have friends down there in Miami..i hope Sharon
is ok..My sister's sister lives down there too said
she had some damage..and had to some repair
work...yes ..i have my sister, she has her sister,and
we had OUR sisters..If you read my stories over on
bravenet site,, you know I was adopted. this sister
here with me is my blood sister. I was raised with
a sister as well...we talk the same about ours mine
and her mother's lol..strange..

Well im in my sewing/puter room and its not too
bad in here..I am thinking of moving tho ..this
puter back into the bedroom and closing this room
off for the winter..HARD moving a puter with a tray
table and a power chair but i did it..all by myself too.
TOOK for ever..but it was doable. I'll find a way to
get it done..lol

Im off in search of food again as usual..no not pringles
this time..I have some of those good little snacky crackers
with p'nut butter n jelly in them ..not to bad..and my
cream soda..love that stuff..
thanks again..y'all just make my day with your great
comments and I am glad you come here to spend this
time with me.
Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya...
ALways, Lois***

Well..ok. YOU asked.! .Adult Content...

Ive been debating to write about this..as I didnt know how it
would or could be miscontrued..But I get asked questions about
my stumps daily.. and I have NO problem answering them I'll
tell.. I have been naked in front of LORD knows HOW many
people seeing EVERY bodily function that my body can do..
while I was in the hospital and the hellhome..AND
I should be afraid to tell any thing? haha ok..
what DO you want to know? lol..

Well I get asked this question EVERY day by someone..and the
question is..WHAT do your stumps REALLY feel like?
not using them like a walking person..now this is NOT offical ..this
strictly MY OPINION now ok? no one elses's.. they dont have
any muscle tone.. from very very little use, like the leg would
get from walking the muscle steadily gets softer and mushyer
mushier? ? well very squishy soft.. The ONLY thing I can
think of.. that would even closely compare to the same kind of
softness and pliabilty would be a breast.. We all know what
they feel like... Ive felt mine , for breast exams... :-)

When my stumps ache..or just are aggravating me.. i do rub
them and squeeze them. When there is phantom pain
sometimes the only way to stop those buggars is to
GRAB the end and say "OK,, you STOP here ..ya KNOW..
When I do this..the closest feeling to explain just how soft
and pliable they are from lack of use would be that...SO..
NOW you KNOW..but THAT is the Truth...A Breast...

The next question..is does the rubbing and squeezing help?
YES.. when my stumps ache. and when those phantoms
kick in..yeahhhh it does help..Some times my invisible
leg it hurts so bad, i will say "It hurts so bad, if it wasnt
already GONE I would take it off myself " The pain can
wake me up from a sound sleep sometimes..oh yes..
there is no SET time for these ice pick stabbin pains in
my invisible heel...anytime..The only way to EASE..I
cannot stop them- even practically standing on the ends-
which i dont do..that hurts and does NOT feel good..
will NOT stop them.. If I rub and squeeze them some
times that helps...it will make the pain slow down..
When I put lotion on them to help the scar that goes
ALL the way around the end..the motion seems to
sooth them..

So there ..me and my just TELL everything I know.
well you ask.. so ..now there it is.. I hope my open
description doesnt offend anyone..but this is my
opinion and I am sure maybe some other dak may
feel differently..we are ALL different in our tolerances
and musles.. all of it..Why I think the ache will never
leave?...I think from the bone being just sawed off
like that, arthritis is sure to set in...so that would
logically make my stump ache as well.. WOW I
sound like a doctor lol..I havent read up on PVD
at all..why? I already GOT the crap..so hey..Ill
just watch and wait I DONT wanna know what
ELSE for pete's sake is gonna get CUT off..would
YOU?? lolol..naa
T his is JUST my opinion and HOW EXACTLY my
stumps feel if someone else felt them? I would think the same.
NOW.. YOU KNOW !
I chatted with a guy today with no hands..aint
he and I a pair? Electrical accident..see? it
can happen so fast to anyone..But hes gonna
be fine..Some lady will find him and take him
off and just LOVE him to pieces..we are STILL
people..may LOOK a little different..but its
the INSIDE that counts..Chin up buddy .. :D

Well I am off in search of FOOD. Lunch was
a bit on the "hmm whats this" side and I
didnt eat much of it so I MUST have food..
Y'all have a good one y'hear?
nite..
Always, Lois ***

Talk about A GREAT DAY !!!!!

Well I have had a great day,, I feel puny as mud, but I want you to
know I smiled alot today.. I really DID!!! I will be getting CABLE
internet tuesday..can you believe IT?? wow. I am SO excited..I
will be so fast on this puter, I cannot even IMAGINE.. I am SO
thrilled..PLUS..I will have more..than 4 tv channels..NOW..is
THAT a treat or WHAT??? I will have 1..2..0.. as in 120 channels
amazing...my poor clicker ! not to worry my puter wont be
neglected :-)

And..I have gotten some of the NICEST emails since I posted
that new addy last nite..and I want everyone that emailed me
to know that..well. I just cant tell you what all your wonderfully
kind..generous comments ment to me..My friend in Minn. said,
"Lois, I get a kick out of how you write,,its like talking to you."
I hope so. The kind words..mean more than I can even say ..
Just "Thanks" THANKS" THANKS!!!!"

I didnt know what i was going to write about and was watching
the time cuz I didnt wanna be late for this very important
date!! Im here a bit later but I had to mail out the photos to
those that entered my little contest..was fun. And If someone
that guessed didnt get theirs please let me know I will mail
right off.. I think I did..I hope you like them..They were taken
just for this little thing.. NOW..pay attention ! There will be
another one in ..hmmm maybe few weeks or so will be a
couple great photos of me of course for the prize..aint ya lucky?
lol..and should i tell you what the question will be? so you can
watch in case I give clues? hmmmm decisions decisions..lol
got any suggestions? I will keep you informed...

Today was a great day like I said..THIS is great news too I
want you to know..My caseworker paid me a visit today..AND
she may be able to find me a dentist that can help me get my
bottom dentures back ! well not back ..theyre gone..duh..no
new ones.. NOW is THAT good news? I will be able to EAT
PIZZA..crunch n much..this is going to be so good. I just
had a good day.. I did get woke up at 4 am with little furry
face taps as usual..and I didnt even get a nap today ..but I
had a great day. I dont care what this body feels like..it was
a good one, and those of you that contributed to it? you know
who u are..wellllll bless your hearts i just ,,, just,, luv ya :-)

I am going to close this for today, and get some food. Today
they brought the free box of food from the CAA, delivered
by these 2 elderly gentlemen..I wonder if they know how
appreaciated they are? Some goodies in the box,,and even
the box was a goodie..ask Dutch and LB they took turns
in and out of it all day had a good time..so all I can is...AND
a GOOD DAY WAS HAD BY ALL.. :-)

Y'all have a good one now y'hear?
Always, Lois ***

Guess Who Won ? ?

Well, monday nite, this was fun, I appreciate all of you that guessed,
Colin, you should not have changed your answer! The weight of my
leg was 20 pounds. !. But all who guessed I will send a photo. I was
pleased that you entered and all the wonderful comments *blushing
here* so kind to say.....Now, if you will all send me your email I will
send you the new photos i just took for this contest, no one has them.
However same rules please..do NOT post my photos anywhere else.
They are for you only ...my gifts. I am sure you will like them *smile*
use the new gmail addy below.

I opened a new gmail account just for mail from here. If anyone would
like to reach me its a rather nice name I think I picked as it suits me
as well as the Butterfly since I have a butterfly on my face and I do
have LovelyLittleLegs. lol..The new email addy that anyone can use:

LovelyLittleLegs@gmail.com

This mail account is checked every hour so if you write I will respond
as soon as I can. I hope if you have any questions or comments that
you dont want to put here please let me know what you think of my
little corner here, or if you have something you would like me to
write about. I dont think there is really too much I wont talk about
as how else will everyone know about life in a strange and new world
that I moved into.

I did take a couple new pictures especially for this contest, and I am
sure they will be liked. I am so bad with a camera I have pictures of
everything I have always been that way. I have at least 5 albums of
pictures but they are all before my amputations. Since then I have
many new ones. I love taking pictures . My cats are great subjects,
as well as what i see outside my window here to anyone that gets
within range when its on lol. I will be glad when I can get the new
on I saw on ebay, great cam, does everything, and the zoom feature
is amazing. Its wonderful that on the messengers to be able to use
a cam to live chat and even hear someone now..and all for free.

My poor sis called tonite why I am late with this post. She is so
sick. She has like a cold, flu and ear stuff , sick as a dog. She called
to apologize for not having come up here to visit for a few weeks.
Bless her heart, she is such a great sis. Thru all of this since it
started back in 00 she has not left me. She came to see me faith
fully when I was in that hellhome as I called it, every single week
end, never missing, Many times i didnt even know she was there.
She told me later, when I was better how many times she worried
that that was the last time she would see me i was so desperately
ill with depression and losing my right leg, not once , but twice
and then the 2nd leg. Shes a blessing. And to think I havent known
her but for only half my life. We are so alike in many ways, I worry
about her now, as she has found out shes diabetic and has had leg
problems for awhile walking , getting weak, that brings back some
bad memories of how mine started. She quit smoking back when
i did. We have already lost 2 sisters, and she & I are all that are
left, of course we have 2 brothers, that we never see. I hope
she gets to feeling better..

The leaves are changing here and I believe winter is soon going
to be here, It was SO cold in here the past couple of days I hate
to turn the heat on already as I just need 1 more month of a
low electric bill..lol.. I got mail today, with all the bills,,and then
I got the bank statement with them , now isnt that cute? Heres
your bills, now, balance the checkbook to pay them honey lolol
not easy, but I do it ok...I LOVE mail lol...I did catch a chill and
woke up feeling rather puny today about 4am. I did take a nap
today and I think I just got chilled my stumps are really cold
and amazes me so senstive to the cold. I keep a afgan on the
back of my chair in the winter, when they get cold they do
ache, mine do anyway..

Well i am off to bed, I dont feel up to par today but I hope I
do tomorrow , jane was here today i have clean apt, and thurs
i will have clean clothes..AHHH life is good ... dont forget to
send your email addys so i can send the photos to all of you
that guessed this was great we will perhaps have another one
farther down the line ..so better take notes of what i say,,,
there WILL be a TEST....
Y'all have a good now y'hear... and hey...thanks... :-)
Always, Lois***

Pets are a good thing....

My 3 kids

Dutch and LB (LittleBoy)

Meow Meow...











Was lazy day today, I woke up super early 4am, but I did take a nap after
I watched the Packers lose in the last few minutes of a tied game. Was
sad to see them lose. I lived in the Packer Backer Town of Green Bay
and I have to say one of the best citys in Wisconsin. Great town. Game
day? well thats just what is was all roads led to the stadium before and
away from it after, dont plan to go to many other places if you got in the
wrong lane let me tell ya, ask me how I know THAT!!!. I lived there
yet still watched the game on tv. Wonderful place to live though specially
if you loved the outdoors, lots to do. I lived there before I moved back to
IN, some of my leg problems were diagnosed while I lived there.

The picture up top is of my 3 kids..lol..well the front one with the dirty
face is of course adopted and a female, I named her meow meow, as
thats all LB does when he cant find her or is dragging her around. She
is LittleBoys lover, girlfriend & never far away. I laid him by her and curled
her around him when he was tiny as he was so small and to keep him
warm when I wasnt holding him. I dont remember alot
of his growing as I got him when I was at my worst, Aug, 3 yrs ago. Hes
never left my side since he was handed to me at 4 weeks old. He is on
the right up there.

The one on the left with the white face is Dutch. The one I mainly talk about
as he is constantly at my side. He is the most animated animal i have ever
had. To him everything is play, eat or sleep, I guess I should add seeing
what he can get into. Every roll my chair makes he & LB follow, doesnt
matter where I go, they go as well..yes they follow me to the bathroom, and
wait till I am finished and then they leave when I do. I dont mind they do,
but it is hard to explain to company they are not allowed to go to the bath
room alone, they have to go along specially Dutch.
The joy these two have brought me, no one could buy.

I think pets are a way to help people that are disabled. The helper dogs, I
could get one but feel I would have problems as far as letting it out side to
do its business, in the winter would be impossible for me to let a dog out. I
have always had a dog b4 and I do miss having one. I think for security
reasons I may re-consider getting one, especially since they built 150 new
apartments next door. If they kept the side walk clearer in the winter here
letting a dog out would be easier. I dont know if the boys would like that too
well, but I am seriously thinking about it. Pets ARE a good thing. ! .

I think the main thing is the companionship they bring to someone like me.
Dutch climbs all over my chair, he rides on the back between my back and
the chair. We are a sight. Sometimes they have scratched my stumps which
at times has not been good, LB slipped once and his claws went thru the
scar on my left leg which is VERY sensitive and always is a source of
constant surveillance to watch for any other sign of infection, I dont know
if I could handle another time like before when I spent most of my days
in constant pain, wanting the nurse to come and give me the numbie to
stop the pain for a few hours but crying getting so upset knowing that
it was going to wear off and the pain meds i had were not going to work,
but was what my doctor felt was BEST for me. And he didnt know at all.

I watched the game today, laying on my bed, and of course fell asleep.
I woke to all 3 of them up on the bed with me, the boys on each side
of me. When I stir and start to wake they know to get out of moms way
as it is getting to the point to sit up from laying is NOT easy to do. With
out the legs there I have no leverage, I have a tray table that goes over
part of the bed, the kind in hospitals, and I use that to grab onto to help
me to sit up. My hand has slipped many times trying to sit up, it is NOT
easy. I have gained weight since all this and I think from constantly
sitting, my middle area has expanded , :-) my way of putting it lol..at
times when i fall back i have to laff at myself and see me looking some
what like one of those weeble toys, those kind with the rounded bottoms
that kinda like go back and forth? I KNOW,, that has GOT to be what I
look like sometimes trying to sit up on the bed. And let me tell you when
there have been times i needed to be "extremely" fast to slide into my
chair and rush to another room I did NOT need that weeble effect to be
happening ! ! ! Those potty calls can be an emergency one at times !

Another week starting, and tomorrow i will tell you what one leg weighs
from just above the knee, it was really amazing, as I didnt think of it
as having a weight just the loss of a loved one. tomorrow you will know
and I do have a great photo that I took especailly for the winner. But
perhaps like i said all who guess may get a photo as well..maybe lol...
I love all the great comments I have gotten since I started this blog.
I dont mind sharing my daily challenges with anyone. This is my life
now, and Im living it the best I can, with what is available to me but
I think 3 of the things that have helped me the most thru this of course
are my family and friends and my pets. What will be happening this
week? well Jane will be here tomorrow for 2 hours and while she is
getting the laundry done I hope we can tackle my closets. If my
mother could see the disarray she would turn over in her grave to
think I have become so messy. Its just HELL being so short.

I am heading back to tv land, getting my favorite snack, pringles
chips and a cream soda, the boys LOVE pringles. and we 3 sit on
my bed and have chips. I hope everyone had a nice relaxing week
end like mine. . . but perhaps a tad easier getting about..

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? Nite all..oh...thanks hey? love it..
Always, I am...Lois***

Quiet Saturday

Nice quiet saturday today, and this week has been a good one for me.
Lots of good things happened im pleased.

The weather is changing and getting cooler, our fall is here. I even had
to put a sweater on and wear a heavier skirt..My stumps I find get cold
really easy and sometimes i find i can tell almost when its going to rain
and be ugly outside because they ache so bad, and then even the rubbing
doesnt help.

I chatted with a friend discussing phantoms and just how they really feel.
Sometimes it hurts so bad, my left heel feels like an ice pick is being
stabbed into it. It has hurt so bad sometimes the whole stump will move.
The feeling of my invisible legs is so strange..They are there, but they
feel shorter and more compressed? or like they are being pushed up from
the bottom and pushed down from the knee.. I can move the invisible too.
I can only swing it side to side..but not kick the leg out in front..but I know
when i was a rbk, (right below knee) i had horrible time to straighten out
my stump..was awful..

When i lay down i notice that sometimes my invisible legs are kinda bent
and over to the side.. sometimes i lay there and they ARE out straight ,
but they are still very short feeling.. Its hard sometimes when they really
ache to know just what part is aching the real or invisible. The stump that
is there will hurt too off and on .. but the invisible hurts all the time.. I
have to say,, if i stop and think about it..there is NOT a time that they do
not ache and let me know they are gone..but still there..

I dont remember how soon after they were taken when the phantoms
really started..i guess were always there. I dont take any kinds of meds,
pain or other wise but the pain isnt THAT bad really,, but its constant.
it NEVER stops..they ache, or flat out HURT. sometimes they feel like
they are asleep is how i describe it..like if you cut off circulation sometimes
and that picky tingly feeling as they wake up..the right one feels like that
most of the time..Its been 4 years soon for my left. next month the 22nd
to be exact..amazing how a person can remember dates of bad things..
when its best not to..Will be 5 for my right in jan. then again for that one
in feb.

I had my right leg taken twice. below first..then above. Was interesting
to find out how much a leg weighs.. Just before i had my left leg taken
they weighed me..and right after i got back to the nursing home..Guess
how much it weighed?? got any idea?

Hmmm might be a fun little way to get u to comment so everyone
knows this IS being read..OK..hmmm lets see...whoever guesses right
in a post here..I'll send a really nice picture to you, even if more than1
guess right.. I KNOW..lol so come on..hmm nobody guesses then no
one wants a picture of me well thats NOT good!!! LOL..and THEN i
would really feel bad... :-( cuz im GORGEOUS !!!!! lol...

Well im off to see what kinda food i can fix thats quick and fast. I got
some great roast beef I have been wanting shrimp so bad..and the
store here doesnt have ANY fresh ... any other time they would..
i think its cuz i want them. ever get a craving for some kinda food
and just cant stop thinking about it? thats like tryiing to remember
the name of a movie or song and u see and hear it but your minds
a total blank. i hate when that happens..

Hope your weekend is great and happy and ill be watching and waiting
ill comment on each post..they let me know when u do..so..lets see how
many know what a amputated leg from just behind the knee weighs..
be interesting to see what u all think..but in pounds..!!! lol.

y'all have a good one now y'hear? nite...
always, Lois***

This has been a great week

I remembered today was friday, yesss i did...and thought that this has
been a pretty ok week. No major damage to any body parts..got a new
toilet, with an actual REAL seat ~!~ the mirror above my couch..that had
streaks on it now for 3 months, since my other caregiver left, and EVEN
my windows are clean. All of Dutch's slobbers and prints are gone. AND
THEN,, my curtains FINALLY fixed after..4 months? And THEN ..this
blog.. I KNOW no one posts in here and I REALLY wish you would so
people KNOW this is being read that IM NOT the ONLY one knows. .!
lolol You all tell me on messenger and in mail how you enjoy my daily
drama. Well if NO one but me knows is ok..but if someone new sees
none are read how will they KNOW this is worth reading? LOL...

Well anyways, This had been a really great week. I do have alot to be
thankful for. I found some of the best new friends that just to know
them is a treat . Wonderful people. And to have taken the time to
seek me out to tell me, its great.. My apt is getting clean again and
beginning to look like I live here. Jane, bless her heart is tall..and
she said she would help me straighten out my closet shelves that
i cant reach..stuff of course the boys have knocked down and I cant
get back up there with a grabber.. THAT will be a treat.. I do have
a nice apartment , but it just needs neated up. lol..So Im really glad.

Jane went to the grocery store today and i love getting groceries lol
specially snacks..I got food food I make the best spaghetti sauce. I
love to cook.but its just hard here as I cant see into the pans..To
see in I have to raise up which puts my face even closer to the hot
pan or take the pan down and look in..I use a mirror. It works ok
and keeps my face away . Ive gotten spashed a few times. I burnt
my arm in several spots from a deep fryer making my very best
favorite french fries and I couldnt see in , and they slipped in,
splashed and burnt my arm in a few spots. But I like good food
and sadly , it shows .. this sitting all the time and eating and not
enough exercise just makes ya kinda form to the chair, or puddle
in it as i call it.. My weight goes up and down, Sometimes I get
an awful sweet tooth and it is nice to be able to have snacks. be
nicer to have the kind i really want if i had my bottom dentures
then i could eat ADULT food LOLOL..

Well tis friday ..i hope all of you that are reading..even tho i had
a bad upset over my pictures being disrespected the good this
week outbalance the careless cruel gesture and I am thankful
for what this blog has gotten me.. some place to tell my storys
to..and gripe..and share my happy times.. and Those that HAVE
told me you enjoy the minutes u spend here with me, thanks..
thanks a bunch.. ill see you tomorrow same bat channel same
bat time lolol i LOVE batman
y'all have a good one now y'hear?
happy week end..
Always, Lois***

Nice Comments

Im sitting here thinking of what im going to write about today..I
l didnt have a very eventfull day I did get the pictures of me that were
posted, sent to me and I dont even have these pictures on this computer
they are on my old one that I am NOT smart enough to get off of it..
Nice ones i have to admit.But This was a very wrong thing to do to me
or anyone..I got some great comments today and I sure appreciate
what i hear. so many nice things.

Some have asked me about posting a comment on here. Alot worry that
if you post a comment on a blog that you can be tracked..NOT on this
blogsite.. I did check before i started it. I dont like that and Im sure NO
one does. When u go to post a comment you will see that it is thru my
name that you login and publish your comment not yours. I hope this
helps and that more will comment so that others can read what is being
said as well in response to questions i have which i do have many questions
I want to understand all of it..

This blog isnt just about daily life of a amputee.. I think maybe is a sample
of life for any challenged person that is confined to a wheel chair for
mobility.. Its so NOT easy. We read about the famous ones that are amps
or in chairs..but the little people like me that struggle to survive daily
living not only in chairs but fiancially, emotionally ..EVERy way... The
daily challenges for those that are more financially stable is different
from those of us like me and I think there are more like me... I hope
maybe by my writing this little daily diary of some of the things i have to
do and how i feel and react to things will help others to understand
better how it is.. Any kind of challenge is hard..

I have friends that are paras, and we have discussed the difference in
daily living, and how we feel differently..my legs are gone but there.
Theirs are there but gone. There are so many disabilities that are
out there, our main alike feature of course is the CHAIR...I have
never been away from my chair, well not in it where I couldnt
reach it.. That is a fear for me. I think that is the main reason I
dont want to fly. As bad as I would LOVE to have a holiday..Lord.,
just to get away, I would LOVE to be able to say I have been to
Europe..but the fact my chair is taken I have huge problem with.
Many fly and have no phobia about this..I do. The chances of
going to Europe are slim but this kind of thing i guess would be
considered an issue...

I did make some headway today in cleaning my sewing/puter
room..what a JOB ! Dutch knocked so much down..material
and stuff from the shelf..i dont know if he thinks hes helping
or not i tell him i DO NOT need these steady bending in half
exercises to pick things off the floor. I do have a grabber to
pick things up but of course when you need something its
never around anyway..I should get one for every room then
i dont need to haul it..And its NOT easy to tote that thing.
The length of is is perhaps 2 foot. i tuck it under my chin to
carry it.. anything i do that i cant reach i have to use that
and for some things it just doesnt work...Dutch thinks its a
toy and tries to grab it while i am trying to pick things up.
then knocks it out and we go round and round, but they
ARE a necessity ..at the rate I am cleaning this room I
hope i get it done within my lifetime..lol...

Well im done for today and im rollin off to tv land..Thursday.
hmm whats on..today IS thursday???..yup.... :-) nite..have a
good one. hope to keep hearing all your kind messages..
means ALOT to know this is being read. Thanks a bunch
y'all have a good one now y'hear?
always, Lois ***

Good News, Bad News

Which should i start with? OK ..good first. I have a NEW toilet lolol Im
glad i really am,, only 6 months is all it took, The manager tried to fix
the handle for awhile, half hour or so, then gave up..left, came back with
a brand new toilet. Well the seat was scratched but from storage i hope..
Works great, one flush does it all..Its not the powerful suckerdowner like
the other one..that one was crazy, scared me first time i used it.. I think
thats where my bottom dentures went..My toilet ate them..lolol Really!!!
I went to bed with them. OK I have full dentures. i just tell everything.
one night a year ago..this is gospel truth..I had them in my mouth. I did
get up to potty about 3 or so. I went back to bed. When I got up in the
morining my mouth felt funny and my bottom dentures were NOT in
my mouth..I have NO idea where they are. I dont know..Its drove me
nuts for over a year now..We have not found them and I DO NOT
remember taking them out..i never do. well yes, but not when I sleep:-)
I maybe have a ghost..I dont drink..i wasnt drugged..but to sleep that
sound and not know when they came out? I must have been having
one heck of a dream or something I dont know...but I blame my toilet
i say they fell out when i was in there I HAVE NO IDEA..and with the
way that toilet flushed..ya would take them right off..I worried about
my boys when they were babies that toilet could eat them..So NOW
i have a new one..handle is on the other side..oh and this one DID come
with a lid ..the other didnt have one..and its a real toilet seat even the
other had one like u see in a restaurant split or open at the end? I'm
movin' on up!!!

So now you know some more of my tell tale stuff.. I have to write now
about something that has happened to me 2 other times. This is the
3rd, that I KNOW about.. Someone AGAIN has betrayed my trust
and friendship by taking photos , my gifts to them..and putting them
in a yahoo group , under the heading of GRANDMA..I am NOT a
grandma..And I did NOT give anyone permission to do this. There
are 5 pictures . The friend that found them and immediately told me
belongs to many groups like so many devotees do, and is now looking
to find where he got them.

I dont know yet who did this to me again. BUt I am going to find out.
This is such a betrayal to me and hurts my heart that I am thought
so little of that someone has taken my rights away from me and put
me where I have NO right to be. This is NOT fair to me.
i hope you that will....will write or comment and tell me WHY
this HAS to happen? WHAT is the reason this is done.? Not just to
me..look thru those yahoo groups..do everyone of those women who's
photos are in there KNOW they are there? I DO NOT believe that is
true NOT for a minute.

So many times I have been asked , specially since I started this blog
by devotees WHY do amps HATE us? Welllll THIS is one of the reasons
You violate us and use us for YOUR pleasure. This is a devoted one?
NO its not..This is a MAJOR issue. I think I am really the only one that
I have found out about that will openly confront anyone that does this.
I join the group. i go thru the list of members. and If i know any I ask
them WHY did they NOT tell me? When I sent a photo I say, do not
post in any group..did I NOT with the one i posted in here? Go back,
look..thats what it says.

For me, THIS is a major issue. I am waiting to find out just where the
photo is. And I WILL find out who did it whether they are removed
or not. I will find out. If there are others in that group I know, and
THEY have not told me they are there, are they my friends? are they
devotees? to me? no. If you see photos of me in aNY group. I have
NOT given permission ..and if you are my friend you will tell me they
are there. That is a friend. One that respects a persons rights.

I wont keep going on about this but THIS is a MAJOR reason other
amputees hate devs. One of others is saying hello, take the pics,
chat for a few months and disappear with no word. There are lots
of reasons..I hope this gets some comments. and post them in here
for everyone to read your thoughts about this..

Some questions:: should i be this upset? Do you believe this could be
a major issue? Do you approve of this being done? Tell me if you dare!
lol..lets talk about this I NEED INPUT i want to understand, WHY
DOES THIS HAPPEN???

So ok. enuff scolding. the majority of you would never consider doing
this i know and i apologize to you if you feel i am scolding you..im not
so many of you are kind generous dear people to me. and i wouldnt
trade you for anything in the world. You are true Admirers. And
I AM thank ful for u...

UPBEAT..im gonna go try out my NEW potty LOLOL I KNOW you
want the details of a potty trip again i just know it.!. The middle of
the night ones are the best when i use a flashlight, run into the door
a few times. that wakes me.. but another truth? I HAVE fallen
asleep in there..yesss i said i sit backwards facing the back well this
is a common occurance we ALL get upset stomachs..well to go back
and forth off and on the chair the bed and back and forth wellllllll
I just stay there and wait..im NOT doing all that. SO i put my arms
up on the back and lean forward resting my head on my arms and
I fall asleep!!! welll?? its like 3 , 4 am ...i think the longest i ve slept
is maybe hour. well its not that bad my hand fell asleep is what
woke me up lolol... no telling how long i would have stayed . I just
tell everything well this is the joys of a DAK life..sad and happy and
just rollin along..

Im off to meet a friend online and chat awhile..so come on let me
hear what u have to say, in here would be nice so others can read
or email or chat is ok too but be nice for everyone to read it...

y'all have a good one now y'hear?,, happy new grandbaby grandpa!!!*
Always, Lois

Today is NOT wednesday you know

I thought today was wednesday. Hmm thats not good.. I keep losing
days like this ill be at Christmas before anyone else ! that wont be
good ! The apt. mgr. comes on WEDNESDAY...i have NO idea why I
thought today..Penny must have thought I was NUTZ..i told her when
she sees him tomorrow not to tell him to come by..well now aint that
cute no wonder she looked at me funny and said"ok , sure Lois.." and
walked away !!! How could she he wasnt gonna be here!!!

I was all primed and so anxious to find out if he is going to come and
fix this useless toilet, hoping he didnt, so I could really do some
yelling..Its just really discouraging.. It IS funny tho I sure got some
cute IM's today, telling me they thought I was funny and liked I
didnt mind sharing these joyous occasions with everyone lol. These
are just the truth. I guess i could say I tell everything i know..well..
no just stuff that makes me mad... This isnt right..and I feel its not
fair that this goes on..and they cant find a part for the flusher
handle , there are NO replacement parts cuz its too old? These
apts are only 7 years old..something isnt right here i think.. lolol...
Dont say call HUD,, dont work..they know Penny and I by our
first names and the lady answers the phone recognizes our
voices.lol..yeah..they know us..but doesnt help... and HOPE
NETWORK owns this place..HOPE? ok..for? our repairs to be
done? to not have our mail box keys open everyone elses?
We are all disabled here..all sorts of us..most in chairs ranging
in age from 20's to 80's . Complaints go noticed but filed away.

I had the best surprise last nite..My curtains were fixed.
Jane , my caregiver did it... I had my curtain rod
in my bedroom fall only thing holding it up was the middle
support..The nail came out of the bracket on the left side
of the window..DUTCH did it..not me..He fell out..and
pulled the curtain. I tried to use my grabber to reach and
do this..welll.dont work and i have a LONG grabber..so.
I piled the pillows up..and climbed up them to get me
higher up..Ok ok no mind visions here ,, this is serious
work.. I have to get the nail in the little hole up there.
So I scoot..yes in a skirt..and i lift the left stump up first
cuz its longer.. and then lift up and have to lean way
forward cuz im going at angle here..and i get to the top
of the pile ,, dont ask where the skirt is...and I reach
for the grabber, which is still down on the bed..u see
where this is going?
So I lean over..to get the grabber, and ya ya i fall over
onto the bed..i WAS smart cuz i did move the table
that was there . . i had considered climbing up on
it to put that bloody screw in.. and the under where
I kept my snacks, all were moved ....... i was gonna
fix this curtain now im sick of it..I reached.. and yup
I leaned to far , well i had nothing to hold on to other
than the curtain already hanging at a bad angle..so
i hit the bed, i bounced , no biggie. i didnt hurt my
self at all ..in fact to be honest I laffed.. cuz Lord If
anyone could have seen me ,, thank GOd there
were curtians on the window..lol.. so i hit the bed..sat
back up..and had to repile the pillows of course ..the
bed is in a corner. I sat for a minute said well one more
time..of course you KNOW Dutch is right there and
hes playing with the curtains brings me a string to
play tug with him..So..I climb back up there I already
described how..And I try for 20, 30 minutes to get
that nail in that hole..i was pretty close but still cant
reach..did NOT work..so i said well ratz,, and just
started back down..this shortness just didnt cut it..
and my arms were tired from reaching...

when I finally shut this puter down I rolled into the
bedroom and something was wrong..And wow my
curtain wasnt at an angle! Jane fixed it..what a treat.
It had been like that for 2 months? EVeryone is so
busy..and have lives and they love me, and when they
cant help me they feel bad,, and I feel bad cuz i have
to find someone else..but you know I think this is alot
of the problem why alot of us arent out there..at least
not really alone..i think cuz we have to ASK..i know its
a problem for me..I will once..and maybe 3 , 4 weeks
later give a reminder. This wheelchair life sure isnt
great..and Ive been around it since i was a hospital
volunteer in high school..I didnt think about that,
how hard it really is in so many different ways... for
even the slightest thing..

It was really fun tho to fall off the pillows..lolol sure
i coulda bounced right onto the floor!!! LOL...I
think that would have hurt but my chair would have
stopped me its the same height as my bed. I have
everything here same height as my chair. lot easier
to transfer. So now I have to wait till tomorrow for
the saga of the broken toilet handle..will Chris fix
the handle or NOT?? ONLY the Shadow knows lolol
well he better. Any plumbers out there????
Well got some mails to write..and i HAVE to say again,
I am just pleased to know that this is being read..Thats
just so great..I dont mind sharing with you at all .. This
is just a life. Just tell it like it is. This is me. and what its
like to have your life totally change. Its not easy BUT
it IS DOABLE . . . just have to do the best you can and
what you cant do ......well find a WAY TO DO IT THEN.
lol..
Y'all have a good nite..thanks for reading this .*
Always, Lois

Its that time again to complain

Well i'm late. I was reading a IM compliment and that makes me feel so
good knowing this is being read..Thanks for letting me know it is..I worry
that no one is reading..so I really enjoy knowing that you do..

My neighbor was here earlier and we were discussing the problems we
have here. She cares for her disabled daughter that is in a wheel chair.
All of us here, 18 apts. are in chairs or have problems of one kind or
another. The doors are electric to get into the building, and its more of
a wide open room design however NOT for wheelchairs like they claim.

Right now my major issue that we discussed are our toilets..ya i know
this isnt a great topic but makes me so angry that they wont fix the
things that are wrong.. I have to take the lid off mine to be able to flush
it..Well that aint easy..

My toilet flushes violently i guess would be the word..splashes etc. Well
i cant sit on it and flush it~!~ iccckkkk...so i back up..yes yes i sit back
wards..bet u didnt know that..ok..ya i just pull up to it..and scoot forward.
thats another benefit of a skirt..cuz it stays in the chair if you scoot forward.
so ok..enuff graphics there.. so when all the "business" is done..i back up
get back in the chair and have to reach across lift the lid, and hold it with
one hand and reach down in and pull up that little lever thingie. If i just
use the handle, it IS there.useless but there , all it does is a little swish
and nothin disappears. Well that dont work if your cat drinks out of the
toilet now does it? yes LB does that..

Well Im leanin across to pull that little lever thingie and holding the lid
well ya, try to put it down easy cuz you have to hold the lever so the
evidence all disappears so by then well im gettin a little stressed out
and the lid of course slams and bangs clanks down...
I KNOW poor old man next door LOVES to hear that at one of my
3 am potty calls, ya i do that too..thats another fun subject lolol..

I have been asking, begging, screaming, yes screaming match i had with
the mgr..i want my potty fixed..this has been going on for 5 months..the
excuse he says? welll he cant find the parts..hes called everybody and
their brother cousin and redheaded uncle but no, cant fnd a handle that
will ;work on my toilet..whats wrong with that picture? Gettin reallll old
Last month? no month b4. i said "ok , no fix no rent" well they said
"no rent, get out" well im still here.. This just isnt right..They do nothing
and when we complain..its well tuff tittie said the kittie.... most of them
in here are challenged and they say get out u dont like how we do it.
Our apt mgr to do all the repairs, work etc is allowed 8 hrs a week to
come here and take care of our business. well his business last week
was a party out back with 4 of the male residents here, and me &
3 or 4 others cant flush our toilets.. what is wrong with this picture?

well anyway his day to come is tomorrow..so ok..lets see if he brings
his little patootie butt here tomorrow to fix my potty..I aint sayin a
word either im NOT reminding him AGAIN..IF he doesnt come ?
welllll I have to admit i DO have a temper..yes yes i do..ok i admit
it but..this aint right..So if he doesnt Im callling anyone and every
one above him ..I wanna FLUSH my TOILET lolol

See the joys we have??? *SIGH* good note tho..I have a new care
giver..4 hours a week to clean, shop, laundry, help cook..errands.
how she will do it? i have NO idea..but its all they can spare . no
one wants to work ..But hey..4 hours is better than nothing and
if she does laundry and vacuums with the beast..thats good..
she did wash that bloody streaked mirror..what a TREAT! sad
tho hey? cant even reach to wash your own mirror ..oh well
she did.and my apt looks nice ..Im pleased... Boys are too cuz
she ran to the store and got them new litter. they hover and
wait for the new stuff just to mess it up..lol..

So good day/bad day..but its gonna get a tad better cuz im
going to go in the kitchen ..late supper, and im making my
very best favorite food..french fries with brown gravy on
them .MMM so good .. I cant see into the deep fryer cuz
the counters are so high ..to my armpits..so to see into the
deep fryer or pan i use a mirror , works pretty good, for
me anyways, and I am starved, so kitchen here I come.
Y'all have a good one now y'hear? nite...
Always, Lois

3 Years Ago

Since I have started keeping this sort of daily thought diary, I got
to thinking about the one I started a long time ago..I dug it out of
my dresser where I stashed it i have NO idea when. I looked at the
date of the last time I wrote in it.. Oct 1, 2002.. I just skipped these
last three i guess i must have been busy or something Or do you think
that was when I got my computer that Christmas? lol..Yes,, I started
to get online.

I opened it to the next blank page and wrote in todays date, then
went back to what was going on back 3 years ago..the 3rd year of
hell as I put it.. The entry said: The nurse still comes 3 times a
week. the pain is so bad she has to give me a shot before she can
even touch my stump. The wound wont heal. I hate my life.

that was all i wrote. Now 3 years later, its healed, I am doing ok,
I have lots of friends, a fairly ok place to live, food, my boys, I
guess it has improved greatly. I DONT hate my life. In fact I
think I could say Im reasonably happy. I think if I had my 2
hearts desires, my train ride and to live on the water I could be
quite content. Well..Maybe ONE more thing but Ill let you guess
what THAT is lol...

I wrote in todays date, which I felt like i had TOTALLY forgot
how to even hold a pen long enuff to write out a check, I wrote
just what i said up there. I looked back to the beginning of my
journal and the first day I wrote in it was january 8, 1983.
Thats quite a long time. I didnt write daily, just off and on..I
went months with no writing.

As I went thru the pages, i read thru the bits of things I had
put in there, sadly, mainly Obituary Notices of family that I
had lost. I had put my divorce papers, some old photos. and
some newspaper clippings of my dad when he used to be a
weather observer back in 55 and 56. He was a good man.
There are 3 pictures of me in there as well that I had for
gotten about. I had just moved to IN from TX and doing
what I call a re-start. I sure have done a few of those,
This last one was a REAL RE-START.!!!! I must have
sat and read for 2 hours.. by the time 1992 came
up in there the leg problems began. I read all the
times they had been bypassed, from then to the time
I lost them in 2001 i think they each had been done
4 or 5 times each.. Nothing worked. I was diagnosed
with PVD in 93, but nothing said about what was possibly
ahead, abdominal bypasses, heart bypasses and then
not even a slight hint I could lose my legs...I had NO
idea until I heard the words, "we have to take the leg
off below the knee Lois." That was in Jan, the 11th,
9 days before my 55th birthday 2001.

Just reading these past years in my diary I got to
thinking about the years before that and all the stuff
i lived thru and survived... i have to smile , i mean
no one would believe if I wrote everything year to year.
The trials and challenges kept getting harder and
harder. Maybe so that THIS one I could handle it better.
Today I guess you could say I have an attitude. that
is like .."Look, i have been thru the mill,, come on..try
me some more now..i am IN THE MOOD !!! " lol...I
do tend to get that way when everything I try to do
just seems to get done backwards, inside out or not at
all..

I was asked once, what did u feel when u woke up and
saw your leg gone?... I know i had been up earlier but I
remember waking up and laying there i sat up..my room
was dark, and only the hall light was out there , I had a
private room. I sat and looked around not sure of where
I really was, I could hear a radio..and I put my hands on
my knees cuz my right leg was so sore. I looked down
and noticed the emptyness part way down, I just sat and
stared at it..i reached and felt and my foot was gone. I
looked out the window and cried, thinking "This really
isnt a dream.."

Well 3 years later, here i sit with NO LEGS at all....they
ache, they let me know they are really still there, in my
mind they never left. but then do loved ones ever really
leave us even though we never see them again?

Im off to watch tv, hope everyones week end was NOT
as DULL as mine. No it was fine I got some new friends
thru doing this that well just makes my day. Kinda does
make me feel "Special"....
Y'all have a good one now y'hear?
Always, Lois

Know what today is? NOTE>> Adult content today

Well do ya? Today..is sweetest day...I got a notice from my Hallmark thingie
that reminds me of when and what.. So..I wonder how many sweet things I
will read today? I hope a bunch..I am sending my Sweetest Day Wish kisses
to all of you...Make sure your wives. girlfriends, friends, husbands, boyfriends
all get some sweetie day kisses :-)...

I came by this morning to read posts and of course im drinking my coffee..
Rex..whats a coffee steamer? I went to Hawaii..they have WONDERFUL
coffee..so flavorful.. I went to New Orleans and had some chickory coffee
i think that was about strong enuff to walk..but was good. very good.. I use
and old percolator was my mothers. I have 2 of hers. They are still working
good and I can remember my mother using them when I was still in high
school. Many pots have been made in them over all these years..kinda like
the energizer bunny.. I go thru coffeemakers about once a year..and these
have survived....I love coffee and amazinly so does LittleBoy..he has to have
a few tastes of the raw grounds every few days or so..he needs a coffee fix...
What a bunch we are here lol...

I was bringing a cup here into my computer just a while ago..and to carry
anything unless you have a lap, which mine is very small...you have to
first carry one hand,, wheel,, switch ,, wheel with the other..or you drive
crooked.. So what I do..I use my table..and a chair..and I put cup in left
hand and I pull my self along to get in here.. Well I had an excellent
speed up thought i would sail right thru the door...ya ok.. You remember
I said i am blind in my left eye? ..ok..well i misjudged..hit the door frame
and spilled half of my cup of coffee and I have a silk skirt on..and my
chair seat is nylon...the 2 together i slide quite well.. ya.. I almost did
a nice digger ...Almost hit the floor.. I have a tendency to go tooo fast.
and with bad aim..well I run into stuff..well slow is just that SLOW...
So I had to go and refil it..and this time I did slow down and made it
back in here with a full cup..hmmm maybe I could save my self alot
of work if I just moved the coffee pot in here..:-)

I was going to wait until tonite to post but I had some comments on
the other posts I wanted to read so your getting to read me early
today...I really enjoy this...I love to write storys.. I had considered
starting a yahoo 360 page as you can put everything there too but
i would hate someone would not be able to read me lolol...i may do
both. Not decided yet...but too i wanted to remind everyone about
sweetest day lol... NO NO not for me..so none of you forgot your
sweeties lol....you KNOW thats true right???? lol....

I wasnt sure what i was going to write about today..I never do until I
get here. Then the first thoughts are what I write about..I ask all the
time for suggestions as to what I should put here that would be of
interest... that perhaps you are curious about...I think the main one
I have recieved so far is about the sexual issue..

WELL...its like this.. I cannot actually say...i have not had a sexual
experience as a amputee..but....
LOGICALLY speaking...i cannot see why i would feel
that much differently. All that has changed are my legs..they are just
shorter..how would that have any bearings on having stronger sexual
feelings? The desire would be the same..positions possibly different..
but why would my legs being shortened change anything else? I still
can move my legs..just like anyone. The key word is short...thats the
difference.. I think the more enhanced sexual feelings would be for
the man..as HE is the one that is attracted by them..so I would think
that would make him even more aroused, which would arrouse me
even more..., i would think .that would perhaps be different....
the experience would take on a different type of action so to speak..but
would be the same..for me that is. Did i explain this ok? lolol well
I think the bottom line is. we , amps.. still feel the same..even tho
we may have lost a body part..its still us. . . our inner feelings have
not changed..only the outside appearance has.. . . hope i didnt offend
anyone by these comments...but I think this is one of the major topics
between devs and amputees.

I was chatting with a friend..trying to explain how i feel being in this
"other" world as I call it.. He asked what do I see as the difference..I
think in this world I am connected to devotees, challenged people..
and we see each other as we are... I think ..welll ok take my friend,
Donnie..like my son...wonderful man...love him dearly. I asked him
to go and get my new puter desk ..he phoned me from the store...
says "Hey..will you need a chair to go with your new desk ? they have
a nice one here on sale..." I could hear his wife giggle in the background..
I said "Donnie honey.. I come WITH a chair...." there was silence..then
he broke out laffin..i laffed..but he doesnt see me this way..im still me
we still laff about that.. He calls me Shorty..lol. Thats a difference I see
as far as friends and family go..Others that are not around someone in
a chair very often they look..I did..and I always wondered what happend
to them ..why they are in it.. Here in this world we dont even see the
chairs..just each other... THAT I think is the difference between the 2
worlds and who it is that is looking at you.... My little 6 yr old nephew
says "Auntie, you dont have ANY legs!!!!" eyes huge..all so deeply
concerned.. He is patting my thigh..as he is doing this.. I put my hand
on his.. I say "Tyler, does it matter Auntie has no legs?" his massive
blue eyes look at me so lovingly and he continues to rub my thigh..says
"no Auntie.. I have legs Ill run for you.. Can I push your chair?" and
he was off to watch his movie.. Its so amazing...This is the difference
between perhaps 3 worlds.. my friends and family dont notice..they do
the first time they see me..but then if i am ok.joke..laff, it seems to
put them at ease..and they are comfy with it and soon they are just
seeing me again..just sitting now is all...

Well tis saturday Noon..I was up till 3 am took a nap yesterday boy did
that mess up my hours but oh well the joys of being home I can do what
i want when i want lolol...I hope y'all have a great day..and a smooch
for sweetest day..on the cheek TOO i might add..lolol See you tomorrow
Hope i didnt offend anyone but the sexual part IS a major issue i have
found...so bare with me... lolol ya ya i spelled it right lolol :-)
Always, Lois.....

Realizing...

Today was so interesting with comments i recieved thru email
and messenger..What I noticed alot was, how many said the same
thing..they didnt really REALIZE just what its like to live in a chair.
How hard it is to really DO the slightest thing. Things before
when I had legs I complained as "sheesh , what a job ! " Now? wow.
triple that. I dont think would be quite so bad if I didnt have
trouble with my arms giving out on me. But they do.. My apt. isnt
really suited for someone in a chair even tho it was designed by
a couple that were in chairs. I can only guess they perhaps were
taller body , well torso, wise..If i lean all the way over,,front ways,
i can barely reach the floor, then i dont dare with out holding onto
the back of my chair, then folded in half like that and trying to do
whatever it is that i am wiping up that of course I have spilled,
dripped or broken on the floor, by the time i sit back up, well ..
im panting and out of breath. lol...not easy im telling you...

I think even myself, i didnt pay attention as to just exactly the
limitations are..or just how hard it was to do anything in a chair.
The choice was mine..legs or chair. well. its not as far a fall out
of a chair..and trust me..I HAVE fallen out of this thing only
cuz of dumbness and not following the rules...If your tired..go
to bed dont wait for a second..ask me how i know?? well that
floor will wake u up real fast .!!! ..try reaching..dont lock your
chair down..yup..sat my butt right down on that kitchen floor
I was so mad, Dutch was in HEAVEN ! i was down there just
to play with him and he did a happy dance.. LittleBoy? lol
His Highness just strolled over to me..and he stood there
with this look on his face as if to say.."ok..what are ya gonna
do now dummy?" and walked away... lol..took me 2 hours
to figure out how i was getting my butt back up in my chair
but I did it, in stages from floor to that big popcorn can, to
the cushionless part of the couch..to the cushion..then
TADA! into my chair...I was NOT calling 911,again, and telling
them "help,ive fallen and I cant get up" when i did it to
myself..I was fine..just a bit of a sore bottom..and more
MAD than anything, this is why i prefer my manual chair.
Keeps my arms strong...wanna arm wrestle me? lolol..JK JK
you would lose !! haha...

But seriously..if you know someone in a chair for what ever
reason, now you know it aint easy.. I was told once..
"your lucky, you get to sit all the time"...am I?

My birthday is in January, I have been thinking I would
like to go to London ..Ive never been overseas. Nice thought.

Y'all have a great nite... and hey guys.. thanks for coming
here and reading my little tidbits..I really enjoy this...and
I hope you will continue to let me know that you do..dont
be afraid to leave a comment here . I like knowing this is
being read... makes my day and I go to bed with a happy
face. Thanks Y'all come back now hear? oh.....
Happy Week end!!!
Always, Lois

I Was Thinkin' Today

I have been thinking today alot about all these great comments
I have been getting and I cant tell you what it means to me. I
love hearing from you on messenger and IM's , here. Its nice to
know for what ever reason your reading that you are reading
what I am putting here, im very pleased. thank you ...

I was complimented today on so many things. how open I am. How the
fact I wear only skirts, to realizing things about being someone like me is
really like. What I have to go thru just to do the smallest thing...I myself
didnt realize. I sit here sometimes after it takes me a couple hours of
some very rigorous arm workout all out of breath from vacuuming
thinking.."Man, and I complained BEFORE???"

I wear skirts..yes.. when i was a single above knee i wore pants. but I
could stand, and reach , turn . I could easily get them off and on.. Well..
ill be really blunt here in case you do know someone and shop for them
or even want to buy a gift..PLEASE..like i told my sister..DO NOT buy
me COTTON panties lolol LORD..biggest wedgie in the WORLD ! !
Silk PLEASE ...!!!!

So try now being a dak..to put on pants or shorts...ok..
how? well I do have one pair of emerald green velvet ones with a matching
top i thought would be wonderful at Christmas. So put them on? ok..sitting?
no no no..u start by sitting..then you lay back..and you roll from one side
to the other each time pulling a little bit farther up..depending on how much
butt you have to pull them over ..know what i mean? So THEN..you go to
get back in your chair after you have rolled all over your bed and of course
fended off the cat that thinks Mom is on the bed lets play and bites and tugs.

so ok..chair is up against bed..and you scoot around and reach back..grab the
sides...and proceed to pull your self backwards into your chair...ok.. ..
well u pull and i sometimes dont lift high enuff and butt drags..pants pull and
go down around your hips..so do u go back on the bed..or keep backing up??
well i back up and then move side to side trying to pull these buggars back
up and pull panties up at the same time...Well do i need to say more as to why
I do NOT wear pants? Now i know some that do..that are triples..or quads..
wear shorts etc, bless their hearts..but hey..i can slip that silk skirt over my
head pull it down under in back lift up a tad and voila ! im set and ready to
roll...and to roll around giving my self a stroke pulling up pants? Naaaa...
and dresses? well same thing..you back up in a dress? ok..you pull it up in
front..and then u choke..trust me..skirts are the best...I designed some
great ones ..longer in back and short in front..well okok on the bottom and
on the top...THIS is the REALLL way it is...Needless to say I have not worn
my emerald green velvet since becoming a dak...

Well now that I shared the joys of getting dressed with the world lolol
i guess i can keep this short for today.. I am pooped...Some days I make it
thru from early morning to kinda late..some days i take a nap in the
afternoon..depends what time Dutch wakes me up with his lovey face taps.
he started this morning about 5:30...he loves me..I am SO lucky lol.

I forgot my sisters birthday I felt bad..I remembered..it was that day..but
i forgot to call...She stood by me thru all of this ..no one could ask for a
better sister. Shes a keeper. 2 of her kids forgot as well, all 3 of us were a
day late..but thats me..day late and a dollar short. I say I am going to do
better and never do, remembering is getting harder..Its the blonde thing.
It is lol,, and thats my final answer .
Y'all have a good one now ..nite..see you tomorrow...
Always, Lois

Coffee is SO necessary for the morning :-)

Good Morning...I didnt make it here yesterday to post..I am going to try
to post everyday..I apologize for the way these get spread out and I
HONESTLY do NOT know how they get like that !! If anyone knows..
pweeeeeese tell me..I know when you open this to read and see it
stretch a mile ahead you think OMG this lady is NUTZ Im not used
to these or that notebook thingie..and that word...I tried those and it
did the same thing..I THINK it has to do with the wrap thing up top..
If someone knows will you let ME know please. :-)

Anyway...I am so PLEASED to hear back from so many of you via
mail and messenger too... Its so wonderful to meet you and I do enjoy
the visits. This is just so fun..I wish I had done this earlier maybe
would have kept me out of trouble.. I am glad you like what I write.
I tell it like it is..I have nothing to hide..You want to know..ASK...
Every once in awhile I will even post a new photo.. I found out last
nite if they can be snagged I asked a friend to try..So I KNOW it
was..which is ok..I knew it would be..But please just do as I ask
and not post it anywhere.. I love to take pictures..One of these
days I will get a good digital. I have tons of pictures of me..of
course..hehehe..no no..well ok..a few :-) but of my cats and what
I see outside my window. Apt. buildings now..but at one time
was a huge, lovely field..just alive with animals and birds...
I stared at that field for a year before i gradually got myself
back into the land of the living...

When I moved in here I had a raging infection in my left stump.
They use staples..i had 38 in that stump. i counted them as
the nurse pulled them out..They claim they are better..well
they HURT like HELL coming out..I cried I really did. They
hurt!..it seems they cause me infections cuz why my left leg
got so bad I have NO idea.. I wanted out of that nursinghell
home SO bad. I had applied for this apt. before I lost my left
leg. So when this came open I was taking it no matter what.
I moved in Jan 11. 2002. After entering the rehab/nursing
home in september,2000. I think I am Not sure i was very ill...
They agreed if I had a nurse come 3 times a week. I did
for almost 9 months...the torture i went thru I dont think
I can even closely describe.. horrible pain. A wide gash
where the last 4 inches of the scar was wide open.. I
spent my awake time sitting by the window here in my
sewing/puter room... with my binoculars.. ( which while
they were building these apts. came in SOOO handy lol)
and watched everything I bet I knew the cars in the
parking lot of that phone company way across than they
do.lol... The first year here I remember pain.. I got my
first boy, LittleBoy, in August..wonderful cat, such a
gentleman compared to his animated brother Dutch ,
got him last year.. I named Dutch after a dear friend
in Holland that I chatted with .. I dont know what
happened to him..he just disappeared and never came
back without any reason..I dont understand that...If you
cant say Goodbye..then dont say hello....made me sad...I
really HATE to lose friends... And I have sadly. . . .

I am having my first cup of coffee..I am SO glad it was
created..I just am NOT a real good morning person..I
have to have coffee. ask my ex..lol.

I had a great day yesterday... I
had company from out of town... I have known him for
almost 3 years now, one of my very first chat friends.
He was here not far from me ,, i read that in his blog!
and told him where I was..about 2 hours south.. and
I invited him for dinner... I cooked.. I LOVE to cook.I
wish my kitchen was more suited for me but its not
The counter tops come to my armpits..and that is a
very tiring way to do anything . I keep a tv tray in the
kitchen to work on that. I made a roast with potatoes
and gravy and a vegetable ..was quite good I thought
but..you know..what was the best? I hadnt had dinner
with anyone in....Lord... 2, years? I really dont remember
and it was so nice. I enjoyed myself so much and my
friend is so sweet..very very nice..does some sort of
puter work..But It was great I hope he had a good time
to..He was a wonderful gentleman.. and I appreciated
that...I may have to have company more often...:-)
but ..sadly no one lives by me!!! not that i know anyways.

Well I cleaned yesterday really good..and I even called
and got a caregiver. they are allowing me 4 hrs a week,
to do my cleaning, shopping, errands and laundry.. I
KNOW they cannot do all that in that time..but no one
wants to work for such low pay ..6.00 an hour...and gas
like it is you cant blame them wont pay...

Well i finished my coffee..and I want to say thanks again..
and dont be afraid to leave a comment..cuz if you dont ..
well I wont know that this is being read and well THEN
i would be unhappy..i know it is and those of you that have
contacted me..was so great to meet you..As to me being a
fake..No dear,, I am real..trust me..I can give you references
lolol...I DO have a cam ..Its NOT connected, well no
thats not true..it is..but when I use it on yahoo i freeze up
and cant do anything ..same on msn..so I dont know what is
wrong..but i can use it to take pictures..which i do ..i cant
help it. I looked great yesterday..black top..and the prettiest
skirt..black with turquoise and purple splashes of color..I
HAD to take a picture..lolol...(I only wear skirts)

Twinkers,, Warren! hey guys!~ glad ya came to read...you
will have to write me a grand opening poem. Jo is a poet.
wonderful poems..and a dear friend, going thru alot of
tribulation in her life, like alot of us.

So people Im up..rollin,, and heading back to the kitchen,
getting some more coffee , and of course leaving my usual
trail of coffee on the kitchen floor..but this new chair is
SO STIFFF it drives me crooked. Then Im going to send
some replys to email I recieved..Y'all have a good day...
i think its gonna rain here.. bye now...

Always, Lois

This is me....

Monday , monday..sheesh. This no caregiver
is NOT easy. I changed the bedding on my
bed. Ya.. was big fun. Try to change it
while your sitting on it..yup, just moves
right with ya.. butt drags..so does quilt..
so you use your arms and hope you can
lift enough so you dont move it, very tedious
but I did it. I have a queen size bed..but a
tid bit for you I sleep opposite the "normal"
way i have the head of the bed the long way
so I have a HUGE bed.. I fit now...so hey.
I got a king size bed I always wanted one
I do share it with the boys and LittleBoy has
a girl friend ,, yes a stuffed cat, that he drags around, she is up on the bed with us, so there
is lots of room. I sure hope I can find a caregiver..I not only have short legs but my arms
arent that long either so that doesnt help matters...Hell being short ill tell ya..LOL...

A suggestion was made that i show a picture I hope it will upload i am NOT good at this...
but I am going to try...I am NOT a fake. trust me..all this I write and you have doubts?
I know I can write storys.. I do...but well I cant write about stuff I dont know about can
I? I do write tho...I love it. I have 2 storys at bravenet u might find interesting ..one
anyway tells how i got my name and even more trivia about my early beginings.. the
url is http://butterflylois.bravehost.com/ . So anyway if this picture does load..and I
dont know if it can be taken..but it it can..and you do..PLEASE..keep it only for your
self..dont post it in one of the yahoo groups like has been done to me before. I wouldnt
do that to you. It was taken on the 29 of last month so is recent.. I have to use my
mouse to snap the photos and i was watching Dutch of course trash the closet..and I
laffed cuz he fell out..and my finger twitched and snapped the photo.I kinda like it
its very natural and me. So now you see who has been writing all this..If it doesnt
post I will try again...im new at this..so bear with me ...

The PVD i dont know if that caused my stumps to heal differently. The right was put into
a binder I call it for about 3 months when I had decided to get a pros. The binder
was like a tube that was cone shaped and it had a 2"belt attached that would
velcro around my waist..kept sliding down very uncomfortable. And to potty I had
to move THAT as well NO specifics there either ...so I did this and then started
asking questions about how it was really going to feel ..hurt.. what.. Well the guy
told me..its not easy to get used to a pros. specially dealing with 2 joints. knee &
ankle..that I probly would fall alot. Well fooey.. I fell all the time before cuz of the
weak legs.. the binder was a buggar to wear ..it was summer by the way then..and
i could just see me steady hitting the dirt ..na i said can this.. Ill ride .. just get the
chair.. I didnt do crutches either I was SO NOT good with those..The nurses would
cringe when they saw me trying to navigate down the hall and those other people
in the way.. I only tripped 3 or 4 ..not too bad.. So I sat my butt in a chair and thats
where I still am. Someone really wants them well more power to them but I had
other things more important to deal with ..starting a whole new strange life..and
I didnt wanna keep falling when I didnt have to...I was ready to roll..

The scars...well the right is nice..smooth.the left? i dont like it. i think they did a
rotten job on it..It has a massive scar..well not THAT big but at the right end of
it..it was severely infected for a year almost..so the scar is very wide.over an
inch for about 3 inches, and is sort of sunk in.. The end, to me.. looks folded over
and gathered. I am guessing its because of the infection. It is also shaped differently
its more round and fuller..bigger and the bone inside goes closer to the end. You
can feel the bone inside..its cut off flat.. very strange sensation to be able to feel
the bone just stop, and to feel how round it is. I can feel the whole end when i
touch it. The right stump the bone is farther back and does not feel near as long
as the left, but that leg being thinner its easier to feel the bone inside.. And yes
they both move quite well I have been asked that ..if they move easily.

Thanks for the tidbits of helpful hints..i am new at this but I really am enjoying
it.. I love when you leave me comments that u have been here to read if its only
to say Hi lol..I like knowing it is being read, and that you like my little storys...lol
I hope the picture uploads..lol
Well bye for now. y'all have a great evening .. Im starved I need food.
always, Lois

Sunday Nite..
First I would like to say how pleased I am that my little daily
digest is being read..and I appreciate all the comments..I think
this will be quite fun.. I sincerely thank you for any helpful hints
you can give me.. trust me I need ALL the help I can get..lol..

I do have yahoo messenger and mail..You can reach me at
butterflylois2003@yahoo.com I go there quite often as I
belong to a few music groups there.. I love the oldies ..well
I like ALL music to be honest. I enjoy finding good wav sites
so if anyone knows any let me know. A dear friend just got
the old song A Daisy A Day for me.. Thanks buddy .

I had to take the time today to clean again as usual cuz of my
messy cat.. He can reach the top shelf of my pantry..well I
forget sometimes and put stuff up there he can hook his claws
into.. He gets on top the fridge and opens the door and proceeds
to pull everything out so he can get in it..Bad thing is he doesnt
know how to get back out if hes up on the top shelf tho, sat in
there one day for a couple hours waiting for me to let him out.lol.

I wonder if i get on top the fridge would i be able to get stuff out
better lolol..I have to back all the way up across the kitchen to
see what is on that shelf..then hope my arms and grabber are
long enuff to reach..cant u just see me going from chair to
counter to fridge just to get something from a cupboard? cute
image lolol..Specially since i wear nothing but skirts lol..

I had to wipe up kitchen floor..i brought coffee in here to my
puter/sewing room and naturally left a trail across my kitchen
floor.. Not easy driving a chair with one hand tends to go in circles
then havta switch hands back and forth. I have a power chair but
it makes me weak and spoiled so i stay in my manual..lol i need to
keep the strength i have..

well i am off to send one of my best favorite songs to my music group
MoonShadow by Cat Stevens.. says: "if i ever lose my legs..i wont
have to walk no more"...love that song..

Thanks again for coming here and spending a few minutes with me
please keep commenting as i LOVE to read what u have to say and
ask. Being a DAK..is NOT that great a life..but i find the longer you
stay in a bad time the longer it hurts..so i keep moving on. i have
accepted this is who i am now..and Ive always liked me, tall.. short,
or otherwise..any body modification is not easy to accept.. I lost an
eye back in 83 i adjusted.. but if you like yourself..you can make do
with what ever you have i think..
Always, Lois