~Isn't THIS Just DAKKY~!~ :-)

I keep forgetting that I have a cat that has a bag fetish. I get a box
of free food delivered once a month and there is ALWAYS a bag of
powdered milk. It comes in one of those kinda noisey bags, and of
course is right on top the box. By Now I should know, as many times
that I have had to clean up the mess made by Dutch, like my kitchen
floor totally covered with marshmallows, or elbow macaroni that he
managed to take out of the cupboard, not to mention the fun time
with the 5 pound bag of sugar. I think I must forget what I have to
go thru to clean up his little escapades.

Today was another clean up day. I was of course on the computer
and listening to some Christmas songs that I want to put into my
emails and I do have a tendency to have the sound on a bit loud.
(Thats why my computer is in my bedroom as I guess everyone
in the building could HEAR it according to my neighbor next
door). I heard the door knock and open and the man say "FOOD
BOX" and I leaned back and said hello and asked them to put
the box there on a chair I have sitting next to the door. He did
and left and I went back to listening to music. I heard the lunch
boy deliver my lunch about 3 hrs later, and rolled out there to
see what the "Guess what it is" lunch was today and just sat there
when I rolled into the dining room and was just in AWE! I could
NOT believe what I saw, and my thoughts were, "well isnt this
just DAKKY" and laffed, thinking "well Miss DAK, NOW go clean
AGAIN, and get some more good floor exercises" Powdered milk
was ...yes... all over the dining room floor. My boy had a field day.
I looked at him and he was covered, his feet were covered, and
this was really going to be fun to clean this ! I HAD to do it, Jane
wont be here till friday. ARRGGHHHH..KILL THE CAT ~!~ lolol

I didnt know where to start. Dutch had licked his feet to get the
milk off, yes.. made them WET, he walked thru, milk stuck, and
he must have left sticky wet little kittie foot prints EVERYWHERE
even in the kitchen.. I just couldnt believe he could have done this
in just a few hours? There were milky, sticky, kittie prints all
over the floors.. So now came the fun of which did I clean up first? Him
or the mess? Well he ran, cuz he KNEW he was in big DODO...so I
had to start on the floor, I hauled out the beast, and thought, "well
i'll start with the vacuuming but what if it clog it up, maybe I should
get most of it up by sweeping with a broom and the dust pan, so I
went and got that and proceeded to sweep, and roll, sweep and roll,
which took for ever. In between this I had to stop and try to reach
the floor because remember the wet footprints in the milk? well...
they were STUCK to the carpet, so they had to be scraped off. I think
I bent and sat up so many times that I could easily compete with
the best sit up person in Uncle Sam's Army let me tell you...I bet
I would win! lol.

This clean up detail took me a good 3 hours seemed like, and I keep
saying I dont get any exercise? Hmmm I dont think that is really
true! If this wasnt exercise then WHAT was it? Every time I have to
lean forward, I have to hold on to the back of my chair, usually with
my left hand as I'm right handed and then try to reach the floor, I
just barely reach it. If I am brave enough NOT to hold on when I
reach down like that I can almost put the palm of my hand flat on
the floor, so you can see that I am totally bent right in half. I did
this I have no doubt 100 times today, well maybe not but it sure
felt like it.. not counting all the times I had to lock and unlock my
chair and move it.... And all because of a cat. lol.. maybe he was
making sure Mom got some exercise after laying in bed for a week?

So needless to say, Today was just a really Dakky Day lol...Just call
me the Dakerciser lol. I have learned another valuable lesson. PUT
THE POWDERED MILK AWAY !!!! Every day is such a learning
experience, and who would have thought a CAT would be the teacher?
lol.

My writings the past few days have been kinda sad and I thought
you might get a smile out of reading what kind of things I inflict on
myself here, and it give you a smile.. if you could have seen my
dining room you would have laffed too and saw what a little cat could
do... it WAS Funny.. I wish I could have taken a picture. I was a bit
grumbly about it and by the time I was finally done, I was pooped
and took a nap. But I did laugh really hard when I saw his feet and
the more he licked them, would walk the worse they got lol...was
too funny, was even stuck to his butt as he had to sit to lick his feet!
The look on his face was "MOMMMM, HELLPPP !!! lol.
It was really hard work, super hard, but then whats really easy?
LIfe is hard , period, no matter who you are... I guess even though
you have legs you still gotta roll with the flow, do what you have to
do...I do that easier since Im already on wheels.. hmm, whos got it
harder? :-D

Well, its time to see what kind of goodies are on QVC & HSN, I
might have missed something really good Ive been listening to
the weather channel tell us about the storm coming at us. I'd
rather look at rings n things... so..at least now you know I DID
get some exercise today...lol..

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya.. and thanks for all
the nice things you write and tell me, and the comments you
leave here for me, I really appreciate it. I am so glad you want
to read all my joys and pains as my friend said.... its greatly
appreciated, it lifts me back up when those bends up and down
get a little rough on me... :-)
ALways, Lois***

May God Bless you today,

I'm so honored to call you friend,

I pray the Lord will keep you safe,

Until I write again...

~The THIRD Ride To Hell~

I woke early, got up, bathed and dressed, started my day, my left
leg started aching. As the day wore on the ache started to turn to
hurt, then pain. By 6 pm, I was sobbing and in tears the pain was
so bad. My foot was white, and ice cold as was my leg. The nurse
called the ambulance and I was rushed up to the ER in the hospital
I had been to before when they took my right leg. The ride seemed
to take forever, the young man in the ambulance with me was a
really nice guy and I remember how he tried to chitchat along the
way as I laid there in agony him assuring me they would fix what
ever the problem was, yet I could see in his face he was worried.
I kept telling him " I know what is happening I am on my way to
have my leg cut off. " He tried to assure me that I would be well
taken care of and not to worry, I assured him I KNEW that - I had
been on this ride twice before...This was my THIRD Ride to Hell.

While I laid on the cart as they went thru the usual ER routine, I
told them to be VERY sure they drew the blood at the same time
they tried to get a IV started as they would not get a 2nd chance
that the conditions of my veins didnt allow that, and If they were
smart they would put in a pickline (IV line straight to an artery)
and then I would not have to worry, in case this turned into an
extended visit and someone would tamper with my IV and I
would have to endure being poked a dozen times to find a new site
like what has happened in the past. I sometimes am amazed that
the nurses and sometimes even the doctors look at me with thoughts
you can see of "how could YOU possibly KNOW what is best for you,
WE are the professionals" yet the patient always seems to KNOW
what is best for them and usually RIGHT.

I had 3 Vascular Surgeons that were my doctors. I wont give their
names, but I will say I would NEVER go back to them. They had NO
bedside manner at all and they offered NO information and one was
so cold I almost hated him, one, when I went for a check up, I was
sitting in the exam room, this man walked in, looks at my stump and
says "looks pretty good" I looked at him and said "who the HELL are
YOU?" He informed me HE was my Dr.!!! I told him, "No, I dont
think so, I have never seen you before" the reply was "yes, I am the
3rd physican you have, and your stump looks fine, you can go" I
asked about the little hole in the end on the right side of the scar
that was a bit festery. He assured me it would be fine, and I left..
On the ride back I kept thinking "hmm a 3rd doctor, and I didn't
even KNOW it, WHAT is wrong with THIS picture"....

The 3rd amputation took place in November, a few days before
Thanksgiving, as I spent it in hospital. The dates I dont remember,
but was 9 months after my 2nd amputation, 2001. A few months
before I had started to look for an apartment and put in many
applications around town with the help of a lovely lady from a
Disability Resource Center, without Mona's help I would NEVER
have escaped the hellhome.

Within a few weeks of the amputation that little hole I had shown
to the doctor had advanced to the size of a penny, then gradually
by january was a wide gaping opening at the right end of the
incision, of course they said was NOT caused by those horrible
staples they insist are so WONDERFUL and that I will NEVER
allow to be put back into me. This was my 3rd, or 4th fight and by
FAR the worst of infection, that lasted almost a year.

In January 2 months or so,, the 11th to be exact, 2002, will be 4
years soon, I got this apartment, when I found out I could get
out of the hellhome they told me I could NOT leave, the infection
was too severe. Someone, I dont even remember who it was, said
with a nurse visiting I could leave and move into my new apartment
well...do you think I stayed? lolol ya right,, I wouldnt have cared
if I had to CRAWL out of there I WAS LEAVIN...and I did...and I
am STILL in this apartment, the following year, like I said before
I spent crying, in horriffic pain and staring out the window, I thanked
my Dad every day for the binoculars that I had of his, I loved to see
all the life outside in that field, that sadly is now gone. Time marches
on...

Ahhh the saga continues lol, and is still continuing...daily. But then
as long as this ticker keeps tickin', the hands on this clock of mine
keep movin round and round so to speak, just like the wheels on
this chair. I watched my show last nite, WHAT a bummer was last
of the season..I hope they have reruns I missed a few of them..
Prison Break is a good show I enjoy it, same with Medium and
Lost.. My favorites tho are Animal planet and QVC, and HSN..
my clicker just auto clicks on them lol, that red leather skirt and
jacket are STUCK in my head lolol.. I WOULD Look GOOD in that.
:-D Be great to wear at Christmas....lol. QVC has great stuff.....

Im off to TV land, the boys are over there waiting as usual..they
sure are sticking close.. Dutch almost hovers lately, I cant make
a move, he even has started to ride with me.. he balances on the
handle bars while I roll around.. Strange animal I dont think he
knows hes a Cat.. which is ok by me...LB? he just struts his stuff
around, looking like Mr. KoolKat..lol...

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya...and thanks for reading.
Always, Lois ***

~Clothes Altering~

When I started to alter my pant legs I remember sitting there,
looking at my favorite jeans, and actually getting mad because I
had to alter them... I grabbed them out of the closet, held them
up and then laid them on the bed and proceeded to cut the one
leg off. I cut away turned them inside out and sewed the end
shut so they would look nice, I made sure the end looked neat.

I laid them back down on the bed, and put them on, and they
would NOT pull up...I took them off looked at them and Yup,, I
did the same thing.. I still had NOT learned to mess with stuff
when I was in a bad mood, I had neatly cut off and sewn the
WRONG pant leg. lol.. I was NOT good at this I was finding..
First the wrong shoe.. now the wrong pant leg.. I got even
madder.. I laid them back down, folded them in half and
opened the sewn end of course, cut the other leg off to the same
length and made them into shorts. lol. Needless to say, I did
the others VERY carefully and made sure I did the right leg..
not the left!

I found during the time from being a sak to a dak, I altered all
my pants, once I lost my left leg, to cut the other off I found
made me so sad, and I was having such a hard time just to get
them on I decided no more pants. Plus the fact from the time
in November when I lost my left leg, until almost a year later
I very seldom really got dressed I wore mainly loungers and
more comfy things because of the raging infection in my left
amputation...I was so miserable that the least I had to do I
found didnt aggrevate the stump and then maybe the pain
wouldnt be so awful that day....

I think having to contend with such a horrible infection and
the depression still rampant I didnt notice I was getting used
to doing things, but I found I was finding the fastest and easiest
ways to do things just to get them done so I could just sit and
maybe the pain would lessen... When it was time for the nurse
to come, which was 3 times a week, I was already in such a
state I didnt care if I was dressed or not. It took almost a year
to heal, and then I was the one that got it to finally clear up.
And I did by just using soap and water and keeping it clean.
All the high tech things they used all the different types of
wound healing meds did NOT work, not for me... good old
soap and water did the trick and finally the day came and the
end of my stump was finally healed. The day I felt no pain
in it.. I think I still cried..... I was so happy. . .

We are under the gun here again for a massive snow storm
headed at us predicting possibly a foot of snow.. Jane was
here today and I sent her to the store just in case she
couldnt get here friday... Winter is such fun.. I feel so bad
for those that have to drive in the snow when all I have to
do is sit and watch it out the window, some people just have
ALL the fun lol....

Time for one of my favorite tv shows.. Prison Break and I
am off to watch it.. good show, I get so tired of all the blood
and murder ones... this is totally different and interesting
The boys are already watching it and just waiting for me
to join them.. They have been fighting like cats and dogs lately
I dont know why they are not getting along..and sticking to me
like glue...lol..I guess Im the moderator.. they still dont know
I AM the head Kittie here lol...

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya.. Thanks for all the
nice mails and messages...
Always, Lois***

~Things To Consider~

I was invited to my brothers for Thanksgiving, and then for Christmas.
Sadly, I cant go to his home or to my sisters..I can get into their homes,
with help, but I cant access their bathrooms, which would make a huge
difference on whether I can go or not, same thing with anywhere I go,
there are MANY things I have to consider before I go.

It was so much easier before, I never once, when I had legs, thought of
the fact that there would ever be a time that I had to consider all these
things before I could go somewhere. Now, I have to think of whether
or not I can get IN to the house, and MOST homes have at least one
step to enter their house, which means lifting chair and all or just me,
and what about once I get inside?

Once I get inside, can I get thru the doorways without knocking the
hide off my hands.? Can I maneuver around inside with out backing
up into something and knocking something over? Will they have to
move things around to make room for my chair ? and mostly can I
get into the bathroom? Is there enough room for my chair, which is
the MAJOR biggie, as I dont have the biggest WAIT time ya know?

I think perhaps this is one of the reasons I dont go. I know the
stores, restaurants etc are made accessible for chair people, but how
many, until they are in a chair, have homes that are acessible? My
sis does have a ramp, she is having trouble with her legs and with
walking, she loves having a ramp instead of steps, but not too many
others do.

I did go to a restaurant here in town. Applebee's. I will NEVER go
back to one ever again. When I rolled in there it was fairly busy,
they did have a few empty booths etc. The sweet young girl was
very nice when she greeted me and my friend. She led us all the
way around the top level to the far left, LAST table. We were right
by the exit door of the kitchen.. Every time the door opened and
someone came out the door would hit the tire of my chair, which
is like a jolt. They all apologized when they hit it, but THAT was
the only place they had for me to sit... I will never go back, I did
inform them when I left that their food was excellent, however,
I would have enjoyed it more if I hadnt been put in a corner
and next to the door where they felt was the only room
for me & my chair, and steadily getting hit. They apologized for
that, but they were considered ACCESSIBLE...were they??

The up and going has changed so drastically... I have been told
to get out more and to go.. Sure I can go, but I cant go alone,
well I guess I could, but who would push the cart? Who would
reach the item up on that top shelf? How do I reach that hanger
with the top hanging on it I would like to see? I know... I could
ASK someone that perhaps might be around by me or call the
sales girl that sometimes you can find. To me all this can be
avoided just by NOT going... With someone? yes...but alone?
No. . . I dont like to even go outside alone, what If I am out
side here by my door, my chair tips, I fall out, and cant get
back into my chair or get help? So many things now that I
have NO choice but to think of before I venture out side my
world here, so many things to consider ....

Well our snow is gone and its about 45 degrees and we had a
major thunderstorm.. I Had to watch the Packers play and I dont
know why I always watch the whole game, gets to the last
ten minutes or so and ,, yup,, im in snoozyland...and miss
the final score lol...

Well I havent eaten anything today and I am hungry, and
NO idea what I will have. But I'm gonna raid the fridge.

Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? luv ya...thanks :-)
Always, Lois***

Just Call Me MessyMargaret

Talk about a mess. Shheeesh... I was in the kitchen, and dropped one of
those little pint containers of milk.. Well I rolled over the very tip of it
and yup...hit it just right, the milk inside shot out of it faster than if it had
been shot out with a gun. Milk was everywhere! tires, floor, cats, what a
mess. To reach anything to wipe it up..well, I had to roll thru it, which
ment tracking it even more.

I finally reached the milk container which, the milk is pouring out and get
it into the sink, then I had to work to clean the floor so I could at least get
a space to roll close enuff to get to the floor. I cant reach the floor from the
side of my chair, only from leaning forward, then I have to lock down, hold
on with one hand and hope I can reach what I need to do.

I wipe a little, unlock..move, lock..bend back,, wipe, and continue this until
all the milk is up, thats NOT the end.. If I dont rewipe with something wet
and clean.. its gonna get sticky and yukky... So that ment I had to do it
twice. Now you are pictureing this yes?. lol...There were so many move
ments involved in this procedure of bending, stretching, wiping, of just
the Floor.. this didnt involve wipeing off the wheels of my chair... By the
time this little mess that I stupidly inflicted on myself took close to 45
minutes or so .. I didnt time myself.. I know by the time I was done I
was saying "I sure need to be THIS stupid again, look before I roll!"

I could have gotten the mop out of the bathroom which would have ment
even really harder as I cant get that up under the faucet in the kitchen..
The faucet in there I have asked, hmmm lets see , I think the past 3
months I have repeatedly told the apt mgr to please fix it is so stiff that
I am afraid one of these times I will go to move the faucet that its going
to break off...now can you see THAT mess? Would take me 3 days to
clean that up lol. Next time I will NOT move until what ever it is I drop
I know where it is, IF I can see it tho, and if its in the right spot I have
NO choice to roll and look for it.

There are times I say "I hate this chair" and I dont really hate the chair,
I hate being IN it.. I ve heard others say the same thing.. and I know
we dont hate the chair itself.. we, well I am, glad I have it.. if I didnt ,
well where would I be? stuck with no getting around at all, and THAT
would not be a good thing. Every day is a learning experience.

My sis came today loaded with goodies for me.. some candy of course,
which she knows how I love Mints and she ALWAYS manages to find
some kind that were on sale and she just HAD to pick up for me. AND
I just have NO choice but to eat.. lol.. She has been shopping for her
family for Christmas. She stays so busy, yet still finds time for me...
shes a good sister. I got a phone call from my brother, this was a great
Thanksgiving, so many happy turkey day wishes, ment alot to me...

Well I have learned another valuable lesson in the joys of chair life
Im really NOT that messy, honestly. lol . Cable has been acting
up today quite a bit, and I dont think its too good for my puter to keep
getting shut off like that. I guess its because its so cold here, at least
its stopped snowing.

Time for some food... Im still eating light and if I can get rid of this tired
I know would make me feel alot better..
Again, thanks for all the get well wishes and happy turkey day ones
Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya.. thanks... :-)
Always, Lois ***

Joys of Winter

Cable has been off and on today due to the super bad weather here.
We have it almost below zero outside and the wind is howling. The
ground is covered by about 6 inches of snow and it is snowing like
crazy almost white out conditions off and on since yesterday..This
post will be short because cable has been so on and off today and
I dont want to leave just a half post...

I am so glad I dont have to be out in this stuff. I had to once and it
sure wasnt fun, chairs do NOT roll good in the snow, although it
does clean your wheels for you, and they are hard to reach to
clean trust me. I have tried many ways of cleaning.. and thats
one way and the other I have to get out of this chair and sit on
something else to reach them, that usually works.. its amazing how
dirty they can get tho from not going outside and just rolling around
in here...

Sorry for the short post but the lights on the little box thingie for
cable arent blinking good and I bet this is shutting down again...
I better get this done... I am feeling a bit better, the stomach
problems are gone.. a bit of a small cold is starting .. which of
course I kinda expected ....

Got to run before this stops..
Y'all have a good one y'hear.,, stay warm~~!!! luv ya .. thanks!
Always, Lois***

~Being A SAK~

This is the only photo of me as a SAK, we were playing a game during a
party at the hellhome. I think I was throwing darts at some balloons. It
wasn't because of everyone there that I called that place the hellhome,
I think it was mainly because I felt I was in hell...You can see some of
the The Dearies behind me, I guessed at what month this was taken,
because I dont remember when it was for sure...I see them in this
photo and I know most are not even there now, this was 3 years ago..
such a long time, yet seems like yesterday too...

I am very thin in this photo, I know I went down to 99 pounds. They
were weighing me all the time, I had no appetite and I guess I really
deep inside didnt care, I saw nothing ahead and had NO idea WHAT
was going to happen to me. I wore pants when I was a sak, dressed
up, did my hair, make up, but remember very little just bits and
pieces I guess that's how our minds will protect us. I look happy in
this photo, it must have been a good day.

Being a sak, I know was easier, I could stand for short times, long
enough to at least reach the shelf in my closet, or to stand and pull
my pants on when I wore them, then once I lost both legs, is when
I started wearing only dresses. The pair of pants I have on in this
photo I remember I used to call my happy pants because they
look something like you would see a joker would wear or a harlequin.
I did like wearing pants, I had some great jeans. But I did wear a
dress now and then, everyone there had to be dressed everyday.
Was sad by the time I escaped they had started to wake The Dearies
at 4 am to get them dressed and into chairs and ready for the day,
they got them up that early to help the day shift, and ease their jobs.
They would drag them out of bed, dress them and push them up by
the desk to sit and wait until 8 am for breakfast, where they instantly
would go back to sleep. They KNEW NOT to wake me, but I couldnt
stop them from waking anyone else OR my roomate, which they did
by turning on the lights, banging around, which DID wake me, and
the fight was on, what a way to start the day. :-(

I think too having one leg sure made it easier to navigate in a chair
as well, I could at least carry things, I just used my left hand to carry
and with having my left leg, I wouldnt go in circles when I tried to
roll.. Now, I have to play the switch hands game when I carry some
thing, or I will go in circles and you just dont get anywhere doing
that, well dizzy maybe lol...and you spill alot .. :-) I have a powerchair,
and I do use it, not much it makes me weak. I decided I had it, why
not use it.. do it the easy way, I did for about a month maybe, then
decided it really was easier to use my manual as my power chair
wasn't working right and would have spurts of speed and just cuz
you took your fingers off the joystick ment it would stop.. the dent
in my bathroom wall is proof of that. When I started using my manual
again I was shocked, my arms in just that short a time had gotten
weak, and it was more of an effort to use them, now I only use my
powerchair if I have to go any distance like down the 3 halls here to
the mail, or outside.

Thanksgiving day and I broke the rules... I made spaghetti and NOT
turkey.. Well... I LOVE turkey and dressing, yes, but I LOVE sketti..
and lunch from COA on wednesday was turkey & dressing and I
was surprised was VERY good. So I made a lucious meat sauce and
my favorite angel hair pasta, was very good, I ate, crawled up on my
bed and took a long nap afterwards.. Now tomorrow I can complain
I'm gaining weight ... I KNOW... EXERCISE LOIS !!! :-D
So, no snack tonite, I have some mail to answer, and I better get
busy, dont laff at my funny pants up there, lol, I HATED getting
rid of them, but I KNOW They wouldnt fit me now anyways lol

Thanks for all the Happy Thanksgiving wishes I got today, what
would I do without all of you? HMMM probably be VERY SAD..
.
Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? Luv ya...THANKS !!! :-D
Always, Lois***

~Depression~

The depression I think started before my heart bypass to as far
back as when I was realizing something was wrong with my legs.
When I could hardly walk but just a few steps before the pain
would hit. Gradually it incresed as what I could do was getting
so limited, walking and going the main thing.

By the time my husband asked for a divorce shortly after my
triple heart bypass I was in a depressed state. I think the heart
surgery, which was totally unexpected, and the loss of my husband
and home and later learn most of my belongings put me into such
a horrible place that my mind refused to accept it. I dont remember
exact months of some things that happened, only know they did,
by remembering them or being told what I did.

There were times that I remember when I would wake up and not
recognize anything. I would listen intensely trying to recognize a
sound, looking at the curtain around my bed and it looked like a
lightweight window curtain, and I could hear nothing. I looked at
my room and I didnt know what I was looking at. I was totally
scared, and of course cry. I would look at my leg gone and the
little stump left and think, WHO IS THIS?...

I remember being in my chair, calling the nurse, because the dust
bunnies wouldn't play with me and ran from my chair. I would
see them running all over the floor and try to catch them, and
they would disappear when I got to them. lol. I had lots of stuffed
animals, cats, mainly at the foot of my bed, all lined up, I looked
at them, and it looked like people peeking up at me from the end
of my bed, watching me, when I would ask them "WELL? WHO
ARE YOU?, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" And they wouldnt
answer me! ... I would get so upset, and crawl to the end of the
bed, and when I got there realize well DUH~!~ was my animals.
Or the yellow ants, and even telling the nurses when I would go
down to the station that they were so mean cause they kept
changing my room on me and I couldnt find it. I think of some of
the things now...and I can laugh at the things I remember doing
and saying, those poor nurses HAD to feel sorry for me and bless
their hearts I know laughed at me, but it was funny too.

I call it the hellhome mainly because of the way I was treated. Not
by all the nurses, a few yes, a couple were just down right hateful.
But where I had my problems were the heads of the different
departments there. They never knew when I was in my right
mind and what I was aware of and what I wasn't. They asked me
quite a few times didn't I think I would be better off in a place more
suited to me, people my own age etc. I was fine there, I did have a
good doctor and most of the aides and nurses took excellent care
of me... I lived in hell most of the time due to the depression and
the treatment from the administration help. They hated when I
would tell a family that they needed to check on their mom or dad,
that things weren't right. I watched as my room mate died due to
neglect and nothing I could do about it... Was sad, and that didnt
help the depression either...

As that time went on from the 2nd amputation to the 3rd was such
a roller coaster ride all I can say now probly the only way I did make
it thru was because I was in a chair with wheels. lol. When the time
came for the 3rd amputation I was a little more stable, but not to
a point that the depression left, I was just handling it better. The
3rd amputation came on so suddenly that I had no warning at all..
From morning to that night was all the warning I had that some
thing was wrong as the pain increased all day until I was rushed to
hospital and told the leg HAD to come off right then, no waiting.
The next morning it was taken.

There are so many other factors when you lose limbs that affect
us so drastically its hard to know which you treat first. Depression,
anger, acceptance, physical needs, just living daily, so many things
to have to adjust to, and I dont think they will ever stop. Each day
even now is so different there is always some new challenge but
at least the depression isnt so bad, I dont think it will ever go away,
but I think Ive just learned ways to cope with it better just as I
have learned ways of coping with living without legs.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I have to say I do have ALOT to
be thankful for, I'm here, have a place to live, 2 great companions
here, family and all my friends that live here in this world, and I
AM thankful...I really am... I may not have the feet, but I'm still
kickin' :-).. and I'm grateful..."Happy Thanksgiving!"

Y'all have a good one now Y'hear? luv ya.. THANKS !!!!! :-)
Always, Lois***

~The 2nd Amputation~

My first amputation on my right leg was in Jan, about the 11th or so.
Shortly after, during the night I woke, and went to the bathroom and
during my trip the bandage came off my bk stump. I called the nurse,
she came in..picked up the bandage off the floor and proceeded to put
it back onto my stump. Being so ill, my reflexes were slow and I did
not stop her in time. She touched it to my staples that were still in
there. I pulled it off asking for a new bandage, she grudgingly agreed
after giving me a horrible time, that she was too busy and to just
put this one back on until the day shift got there . Being a nurse my
self I knew it was already too late it had touched my incision...

As the days wore on, I could see the infection starting, and so did the
head nurse and my doctor. They tried to stop it . sadly nothing worked
by the middle of february i had a raging infection and taken to my Dr.
that informed me I would have to have another surgery to take my
leg off above the knee. Arrangements were made, and I made the
trek back to the same hospital and the surgery was done, my bk now
was a AK...

I remember laying there, trying to feel if I felt anything different from
the first time I had done this. It was again the middle of the night, as
all the anesthetic had worn off and I was only on the morphine that I
had been on since November when I broke this leg. The nurse had
come in to check on me and give me more pain medication, and of
course they wake you. After she left, I laid there trying to see if I
felt differently. All I could feel was that my stump was on something,
like a pillow, and was elevated a bit...I reached down and I could feel
the end with my hand....and there was nothing below it. and all I
had done was just rest my arm down the length of my side is how
short this stump was. What my thoughts were, I dont really know
all I do remember is . theres no pain . . . 4 days later they took me
back to the hellhome.

When they rolled me back into my room, one of the aides that was
taking me to my room said to me " Lois, we got your bed ready for
you.. and look who is waiting for you.." I looked at my bed, neatly
made, the covers turned back and laying by the pillows was Miss
Priss waiting for me.. She pushed my chair up to my bed, I scooted
forward, and held my kittie close and I swear she and I and the
sweet aides that took me back to my room all cried with me. I
curled up on my bed with Miss Priss in my arms and slept.. Life
as a sak had begun. . . . the days from then on were HELL...
the depression started then and I entered another world of
hallucinations and darkness and not recognizing even where I was.

I never know what I am going to write about until I get here. My
thoughts since starting the story of my amputations last nite I know
are depressing and sad, and very true, BUT.. keep one thought ....
I am STILL here, and I am :-D .. smiling.. I look at the clock and
see the minute hand still ticking and moving around it.. time does
NOT stop..and I am rolling with it.... and THAT is a GOOD thing.
I have many new friends that care and support me.. and without you
I could not do this.. trust me... This cannot be done alone. . .

I am feeling better although I must admit I was lazy today and did
spend alot of time watching TV. I had forgotten about QVC and HSN,
they are SO NOT good for me to watch, especially when I saw the great
leather skirts, and jackets in red, black and gold..and the jewelery,
the rings are awesome.. I wear 17 rings on my fingers now, but I bet
I can find a spot for one more lolol... :-)

Thanks for all your sweet comments .. and for spending time here with
me...means more than you know.. This time of year has many many
good and bad memories for me.. and you help me alot...I am so thankful
for all of you...

Now... Y'all have a good one y'hear? :-) luv ya... and thanks...
Always, Lois ***

~Entering The Amputee World~

Thanksgiving brings back many memories for me, that I remember.
I fell on Thanksgiving, 2000, and broke my right leg, just above the
ankle. That leg had been bypassed at least 3 times, and the vein
taken out for the triple heart bypass I had earlier that year, in May.
There was a scar that ran almost the length of it from that. The leg
was NOT in good shape.

I remember nothing but pain and tears. They put my leg into what
they called a pressure boot. I had neuropathy in it as well. I watched
as my foot slowly turned black. My sister came and took me up to
my Dr. that informed us the leg had to come off below the knee and
set up a time and day for the surgery, which was in just a few days.
I dont remember exactly. I went back to the hellhome to wait.

The morning of the first amputation was about Jan 11th, at 3 or so
I remember the aides coming in to wake me and get me dressed.
The whole time I cried, " I don't want to do this". They were kind
and compassionate, telling me they understood and were so sorry
each hugging me . They helped me dress and as one of the aides
combed my hair, I told her "don't bother who cares what I look like".
She gently combed it telling me, "Lois, we care, and you want to look
nice, you know that." She patted my shoulder and helped me into my
chair, wheeled me up to the desk, signed me out and they loaded me
into the van and my journey to the world of the amputee had begun.

I dont remember the ride there, all I remember is pain and tears, not
wanting to lose my leg, but the promise of no more pain, I HAD no
choice. I couldnt handle the horrific pain of the gangrene that had set
in, I was ready. I woke, later to the nurses moving me into my bed,
and I do remember feeling no pain, I felt relief, but I didnt look then
to see why. I slept, a peaceful sleep that I hadnt had in ages.

I woke again hours later, in the middle of the night, confused, not
really sure of where I was, what was happening. I do remember no
pain. I sat up, looked around, listened to the sounds around me, all
was quiet only the light was from the hall and the moon outside. I
first reached down and put my hand on my thigh and it felt ok, I
slowly looked down, and my eyes went down the length of my leg,
just below the knee about half calf, there was nothing, no leg under
the sheet. I sat there, just looking at it for I dont know how long,
then slowly pulled the sheet back, saw the foot was gone and a
bandage wrapped around the new stump they left me. I just stared
at it, not sure this was real, but knowing it was ALL to real.

I remember thinking, "Lord, I'm dreaming," as my hand touched
the end of my stump, but this wasn't a dream, this was all happening.
The sadness that came over me was overwhelming and I cried until
the nurse came in and gave me the shot that put me back to sleep.

The next morning, they came told me to get up, get in the chair,
and lets get rolling.... and I did..... I entered the amputee world.
Its not a bad place here, its really not, you learn to adjust, make
the best of what you have, and what you don't have. Its true that
from that day to this, its been rough, I didnt expect it to be easy,
but Lord, I didnt know it would be this hard sometimes either.

I'm gradually getting over this virus, and I'm glad, so are the boys.
They have been great little nurses, taking excellent care of me
and sticking close. lol... Thanks for all the get well wishes, y'all are
so kind, and I sincerely appreciate it. Now I'm off to check mail
before I crawl back onto my bed with all my pillows (7) and I
have my mink cape Ive been using to cover my stumps with, the
softness of the wonderful brown fur is so nice to feel and the satin
lining feels good against my skin and helps me to relax as I scan
thru the 120 channels, cable is such a treat. lol..

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya.. thanks :-)
ALways, Lois ***


.

~I Taught Myself~

The best teacher I had in learning to live in a wheelchair was me. I
tried different ways to do things that made it safer, faster and of
course easier. Some things were NOT the right way, but as time
goes on, Ive learned what to do and how.

The time from Feb. to Nov. of being a SAK, was totally different.
I could still stand carefully, and only for short periods. My left
leg was very weak.I had been in a chair since july or so of 2000,
even before I had a amputation. My legs had been bypassed so
many times that it was just a waiting game. Luckily I dont
remember alot of the time from 2000 to 2002. Just pieces here
and there, but that was mainly due to the severe depression.
By the time I lost my left leg I had dropped to 100 pounds,
thats how I knew the weight of my left leg. They needed to keep
track of my weight I was losing too much, and why I was weighed
before and after my left amputation.

It was easier to do everything as a SAK, I could still reach things
that were higher up and did sit the right way on the potty, could
maneuver my chair better and didnt depend totally on my arms to
propel my chair. Many times I had to help the Dearies to move
along, when the march to the dining room was on it was a slow
process. I would tell them I was behind them and that I was going
to push them, they would smile and I would use one hand and my
leg to push me & them along.. worked good.

The other residents there were all alot older than me. I was the
youngest there, I called them the Dearies. Such sweet wonderful
people, many with no one, never having company, many, bless
their hearts didnt know they were even there, which in some
ways was a blessing for them, they didnt know they were being
abused at times. Very few there were NOT in chairs.

I never was taught how to manever a chair, just given one, and
told to use it. A little lady across the hall from me had been done
the same way. I saw her sitting in a chair probly the 3 or 4th
time I had seen her sitting in it. Helen was sitting next to her
bed, I could see her trying to see outside. As I rolled up to her
I asked her why she didnt move closer to the window so she
could see outside better. She looked at me so sadly, and said
"I dont know how to move this thing..." I moved up to her,
showed her where to grab the outer ring of the wheel and
to push it. She moved her chair, and was so HAPPY ! They
had NOT shown her what to do. They just assumed she would
know, after that I would go and help her to make sure she
could maneuver it herself.. to use her legs and arms to move
herself around... She was so pleased with herself.. The staff
was so busy they didnt have TIME. I had 6 weeks of therapy
after each amputation... and most of that was just lifting
weights. Nothing on moving or manipulating my chair.

Now, I can turn this thing on a dime, and fast? Well yes, some
times too fast. But no one taught me. Trial and error, and I
guess thats really how a person has to learn. We all do things
so differently anyway. and you can reach the same outcome by
going different ways, you just have to learn which way is best
for you. I've found that I am the best teacher of myself, and I
have ALWAYS loved a challenge, and I have to admit, THIS is
by far the biggest one I've had, SO FAR. . .

I am feeling better, and getting strength back, this week is going
to be a week of phone calls and appointment making I think. I
am still searching for a dentist, and have to assure them my legs
didnt grow back and make a appointment to get new glasses. And
the dreaded balancing the checkbook act lol, my favorite thing to
do ... :-)

Thanks for all the get well wishes ....
Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya.....
Always, Lois ***

~I HATE Not Feeling Good :-(

What a week, I'm glad its saturday, I hope next week is better as far
as physically feeling.. Its amazing how the 2 connect. The physical and
the mental no matter what the connection is. When you feel bad you
automatically feel you LOOK bad as well.. I know many times this
week I've said If I LOOK like I FEEl... Lord, I KNOW I am looking
bad.... . . and trust me to look at me you could tell I was NOT feeling
well. lol.. and a few times I KNOW I looked AWFUL :-)

But when I feel good.. I LOVE to look the best I can. Even if no one
sees me, I see me. When I get up, and look for the outfits I know
look nice and are going to make me feel better about me. . I do my
hair, put some make up on and come and sit in front of this computer.
No one sees me but me, but feeling ok with myself I think makes a
big difference on how I make it thru my days, whether I see anyone
or anyone sees me.

Right now, even though I dont feel physically well. I have a lovely
silk gown on thats bright and cheery and of course silk. The feel of
it against me.. is soothing and smooth, as badly as I ache the feel
of the silk is a calming effect and makes me rest better and I can
relax and get the physical rest that I know I need, and the mental
rest I need as well.

Its the same effect I had when I was so upset and depressed in the
hellhome. I had a stuffed cat that looked so real you had to look at
her twice.. A lovely white persian looking cat I named Miss Priss.
She was so soft and warm. I would cry and hold her, the soft velvety
fur against my face would calm me and I would hold her softness
close to me and sleep, the tears would stop for awhile, I had peace.
Its amazing how touch of fur, silk, softness can affect how you feel.

I am hoping starting tomorrow I'll be up and can fix something a
little more solid than soup. I'm doing alot better, but not eating
much all this time, will take a few to get the stamina back. I phoned
my sis and bless her heart over 3 weeks for her, and she is so worn
out. I am hungry tonite tho, and something more solid I think will
help. What I dont know till I raid my fridge. lol. No, NOT Pringles.

Well the boys are waiting for a snack and I do need something so I
am off for the night .. Thank you so much for all the get wells... I
really appreciate them.
Y'all have a good one y'hear? luv ya...and thanks :-)
Always, Lois***

~Feel Good To Hang Awhile~ :-)

I have been sick, 3 days in bed. That makes me so sore.. My hips ache.
My back, shoulders.. I think If I could just HANG somewhere for awhile..
NO ....lol..NOT by the neck :-) some kind of harness thing just so I can
STRETCH out.. That I think would feel really good...

I can lay on my bed..and stretch sure..but its not the same.. I can sit in
my chair..but thats not the same either as standing..and reaching way up
and doing a good stretchhhhhh...lol.. I think what would work tho are a
couple of things..

My thoughts are perhaps in a pool..the buoyancy would serve to stretch
me out. I could sort of just float there, hanging, using my arms to hold me
up in the water. I have always been a great swimmer, and I think even
to just use the side of the pool or even a float thingie where I would only
be supported like under my arms, like hanging from crutches. Now I
dont think that would work or feel good at all.. I tried crutches when
I was a sak.. awful. killed my armpits. I was totally clumsy with them
and dangerous to myself and I tripped many with them when I tried
using them in the hellhome.

I have such a phobia about germs tho and infection that I wont go
into just any pool..There is one here in town over at the health center
not saying the people that do use it are germy or stuff, I just dont want
to expose myself to any possible chance of any kind of infection ..they
are NOT fun trust me, I know, but I think that would work. A private
pool tho. :-) those are funner anyways lol...

The other way I think I could kinda stretch and hang.. for my stumps
would be like to sit on a bicycle seat...like on a exercise bike? the
stationery kind..they could hang down and I bet that would feel good.
I had often thought of a bike like that for someone like me that could
be adapted so I could get on and off my stumps put into holders sort
of and be able to use the pedals for exercise..say the pros. attached
to the bike itself..just slide my stumps in... like say you could if you
rode a horse, I guess there are special saddles perhaps for a dak. I
think someone said they have them.

As bad as this flu or bug that I have any of these methods I KNOW
would help a lot.. and I bet I could work these achy joints, and my
hips, tailbone..that feel so abused.. and this bug isnt over yet.. Jane
was here today and she wasnt feeling the greatest. I told her she
should have told me..as I sure dont want to go back to square one.
My sis still isnt good, her bout with this thing, its been 3 weeks for
her. But she has other breathing complications and more of a cold
virus for her where mine is more internal.

Well, so are my ideas for a good stretch. Hanging would be good ..
lolol.. :-) Just hang me up over in a corner or even on the back of
the door.. just so I can stretch lol. Tea time and a bowl of soup,
that Mrs. Grass with the extra noodles is SO good.

Thank you all for the get well wishes - to read them means
so much to me, that you care.. it really does.....that you take the
time to include me in your day.

Y'all take care now y'hear? luv ya :-)
Always, Lois

~THAT Was THEN, THIS is NOW~

While I've been bed bound with this virus, I watched a movie about
Theodore Roosevelt. He was in a wheelchair. The stigma attached to
it was so bad back then. The people, for what ever reason, that were
in chairs were treated like lepers. These in the move were afflicted
with polio, which back then was rampant.

The movie showed a sort of spa place with miracle waters, that had
minerals in it that helped in the recovery for some . It showed these
people that were there in wheelchairs being made to eat in a separate
dining room, having private time at the special pools, they did not
mix with the people there that were just on holiday, they felt that the
sight of those in chairs would be upsetting to them. How sad is that?
To be made to feel so inferior because you are sitting in a wheelchair.

People look at me when I go out, I expect that, I used to look at some
one in a chair, we all do.. But I think its so great at how differently
it is for us now, that places are made so that we can access the stores,
restaurants or whatever. I think its helped to make those of us in
chairs feel more accepted and made to feel less out of place, that we
are able to be out in public. To have to feel like those people did back
then ? Its hard enough to battle any sort of differnce but that, HAD to
have been so awful. I know I thought to myself, how things HAVE
changed for the better...I watched as a young man lifted his girlfriend
out of her chair as he held her tight and they danced, the young man
lovingly held her oblivious to her legs just hanging there. He accepted
her as she was, That was THEN, but that is NOW as well...Was a
good movie....

I am feeling better, up and rolling more, so to speak.. I NEVER do any
thing half way, the same with getting sick, I never find the easy way
to do anything it seems....But I am getting better, just takes extra
time for me. . . But, like I say, "I can do this." lol.. I have to admit I
will be glad when I dont ache and am not so tired. Next week for sure.
Thanks for all the get well soon wishes, means alot to me that I am
cared about, you have no idea.

I am going to have some tea and go crawl back up on my bed, join my
boys that have been sticking to me like glue. They hate when I dont
feel good and cant play with them, but you know how it is when some
one you love is sick we have a tendency to hover close just so they
KNOW we love them.. animals are no different. :-)

I'm so glad THAT was then and THIS is NOW...
Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya,,, and thanks... :-)
Always, Lois***

*** A Little Note***

Its 3 am, I had to get up, of course, my computer turned on all by itself.
I think, even tho I dont feel well, its telling me, "Hey, you didnt post
nuthin"..lol.... I still dont feel the greatest, but I feel a bit better. I got
up I have been laying down so much the past 2 days, I got tired of laying.
I only can 2 ways, my back or my right side, and I got tired of both. My
hips get to aching and tailbone. I sometimes sleep sitting up just for a
different position.. kinda like i do when Ive fallen asleep on the potty.

This virus or whatever I have has been a stinker, I have to say Ive
been pretty lucky the past few winters , I ve not gotten the flu or
anything, I havent gotten a flu shot for this year, but I have to go
to the Dr. anyway to ASSURE them my legs have NOT grown back so
I might as well get the shot. I think when you are sick no matter if
you are in a chair or not you hate not feeling well... Being IN a chair I
have to admit is worse. Its hard to drag yourself up and across a bed
then into your chair when you ache all over, it was hard enough when
I had to walk before when I was sick... Amazing the things that I dont
think about missing until I have to do them...

I ve started to get up and walk to do something many times. I would
be deep in thought of something I needed to get or do and just start
to get up.. I have, quite a few times, then catch myself, and think
"well, now isnt that just big DUH" ...its true tho... I fell out of bed
after my 1st amputation on my right leg, i woke up, sat up.. and
went to stand up right foot first and down I went. But I have tried
to stand up and go. weird feeling that my head would have let me..
not set off a warning faster. I easily could have hit the floor...

Im going back to bed, I'm still kickin so to speak, and I'll be back
later tonight ,, I watched a really interesting story on HBO.. that
just was really interesting Ill write about... until then....im better
and I'll be back..

Y'all have a good day now y'hear? luv ya.. thanks so much for all
the get better soon's from you.. Means alot to me and has helped
greatly appreciated :-)
Always, Lois ***

~Things I Miss~

Ive been asked what things are there that I miss since being a amputee.
One thing is being able to just get up and run..or walk fast and even just
stand. To be able to get up quickly and hurriedly go where I need to is
a definate thing I miss.. especially on days like the last day and a half.

I think I caught a stomach virus, and when a stomach is upset, fast
travelling to the bathroom is most DEFINITELY necessary..lol. For
me just a twinge, and I have to start hauling myself in the direction
of the bathroom. If I am on the bed, well I have to allow for loading
time to get myself into my chair and time to scoot onto the potty...
And when you are nauseous time is of the essence, if THAT is one
of the reasons I have to make a fast trip .....

To be able to just sit up quickly, stand and go as fast as you can?
Yes I miss that alot.. I think just to stand, and stretch, would be
a most wonderful feeling..its not near the same when you are
laying.. I can only move on my bed by butt wiggles and my arms.
Or to sit in my chair and try to stretch.. it is NOT nearly the same
as standing, reaching up and bending .. ahhh THAT I miss...

There are other things like crossing my legs, knee over knee, I
always sat like that, or sideways, with my legs partly under me,
like halfway under me, so many little things that only NOW I
can really appreciate what I could do. I will say tho.. that I am
glad I do have a way to get around..and the person that first
came up with a chair on wheels? Well Bless his/her heart. I
am truly grateful...

I am back to my bed and going to try to get rid of this bug,
I almost didnt post tonite.. but I thought this was a most
appropriate subject being as how I think I made 50 of
these trips today lol...so while I have a bit of a reprieve
I am off to watch a few of these wonderful channels I have
been given...I sure hope no one else gets this bug..sure
aint fun..trust me... I KNOW :-)

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya..and thanks :-)
Always, Lois***

"Did They Grow Back?"

I got a notice today that I HAVE to go back to the Dr. to make sure
that I am still elegible for benefits. Well thats ok, I dont mind, if I
DON'T go however, I could lose all my benefits, money & home
help...well of course I'll go...

Makes me think tho, I'm a amputee. . . BOTH legs, they have KNOWN
this since day one..I don't think my legs are going to grow back. . . By
being re-evaluated, means to check a change in my situation. . . . well
the ONLY problem I have with this is..even if other health problems
arise, or even if I lose more limbs, nothing in my monthly money
benefits will change. The only thing that would change would be my
home help hours.

The nurse that comes out to evaluate you on that, which can be at
the disgression of the COA here, can be monthly if they choose. If the
NURSE they send to evaluate you is in a bad mood, or on her over
time, well shes cut my hours twice now each time shes evaluated me,
I have NOT improved, yet SHE feels she KNOWS what I need, for
how long.. lol.. she looked at me, filled out some papers, stayed for
15 minutes and BAM~!~ says ok your hours are NOW Cut to 4 a
week. lol ok.. I have no choice...Its the 4 or nuthin.

I KNOW this is all procedure but, for? to prove what? I think its
alot of extra paperwork myself, but I HAVE to do this, for my home
aide and my monthly cash benefits. . . rules.. but you would think
we would at least be sorted out as to who is who..to save this extra
work.. oh well.. more joys of the challenged. Now I have to make
the appointment .. set up a ride, and make the trek to the Doctors,
I have to really go anyways, I'm having some problems with my
right hand that are giving me cause for concern...

I worry that other parts may go on me..like fingers , or hand or even
arms..thats the joys of PVD, and the exercise or prolonged use for me
is NOT good.. My heart throws off clots..and then with bad arteries
that get bad spots then they clog..are cleaned, reclogged unless a by
pass is done to fix that bad spot in the artery. My legs had been by
passed so many times that they just couldnt be repaired anymore.
Ive notice the past few weeks the tips of my fingers are darker and
my hand from the wrist down gets so cold sometimes I could just
scream..and I put it into my left armpit to warm it.. So I have to go
I sure dont want to lose a hand now.. I know a lady is a triple all
her life she does well so if it does happen I think I can do it too..I
hope I dont..but well this is the joys of my disease...

I have a dear friend waiting for me to chat so I'm off for tonite,,,,
I got sick last nite but I do feel better, thank goodness. Some have
asked how my back is and it is better I still KNOW I hurt it, but
its alot better and I appreciate y'all asking...

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya.. and thanks for the kind
words today ...means alot to hear from you ..really makes my day...
Always, Lois ***

~Phantoms~

I was asked today "how long will the phantoms last?" I've talked to many
other amputees, some new amps.. some that have been amps most of their
lives.. and the answer is.."forever" A pain specialist told me the same.. One
person told me that as time goes by the invisble leg will seem shorter and
shorter until it has receeded back up to the amputation itself, and the
phantoms will decrease. I know my invisible legs feel half the length
they used to..

To describe what a Phantom is..its rather hard. First though, I feel my
invisible legs CONSTANTLY, whether I am sitting or laying down.. I
feel the legs there , but they feel shorter, half of the length they were. I
would say they reach the top of my front tires, and most of the time the
foot is in a arched position as if I were standing on my toes. I can move
my foot side to side..but I cannot kick it out so to speak...The feet feel
like they are in stirrups.. and being pushed down from the knee.. a
sort of pressure type feeling, its not pain but most uncomfortable.

The actual PAIN I feel at times is like a ice pick that stabs me repeatedly
in my heels..and actually really hurts..The pain can hurt so badly that I
actually have to hold the ends of my stumps tightly and keep telling myself
the legs are GONE..they cannot hurt. That does NOT work.. I just have to
wait until it passes, at times it seems to just go on and on, and will make
my stumps jump from the feeling of the pain...

When I lay down, my invisible legs feel like they are hanging over the
side of the bed, or that they are at an angle off to the side..When I
wake up I realize that the feeling is that the invisible legs are straight
out like they are supposed to be when you lay down.. Yet the ache is
always there when ever I am awake..I have been awakened from a
sound sleep by the pain at times. The constant pressure feeling its
most uncomfortable...

I was on pain meds etc for the phantoms..but I dont like taking pain
meds..Most dont work on me anyway as they had me on some very
serious ones when my legs were dying while I was in the hellhome.
I have tried many different kinds and none worked and many caused
clashes with my other meds which made me sick..So I decided last
year no more.. I can just deal with the pains..If they are going to be
with me the rest of my life , well then I will just have to asjust or
go thru the rest of my days in a drugged state and I wont do that..
since I quit all those 15 medications I was on.. I feel like I am a real
person again.. and since I know the pain will be forever.. well I have
to just roll with them...I dont really have a choice how, do i? I can
choose tho how I myself will deal with them..each one of us reacts
to pain in a different way.. I lived in constant pain for 3 years, very
serious pain..what I have now is nothing to what I experienced before
and I would NEVER wish that sort of angonizing pain on anyone.

Like all the side affects of amputations I think the Phantoms are the
worse.. as there is NOTHING you can do to stop them, its one of the
rules I think of being a amputee,, you WILL have Phantoms.

I made some great chicken and rice with tomatoes today and I have
not eaten and of course I am starved, so I am off to fix a nice plate
and crawl up on my bed with the boys and we are going to watch
some of those 120 wonderful channels I have been blessed with..It
is SUCH a treat..to see a clear picture even lol. AHHH Life is Good..
:-) Until tomorrow...
Y'all have a good one now y'hear? Luv ya... & thanks.. :-)
Always, Lois***

Ps.. hope everyone enjoys the video clip that was the prize for the contest!
If you havent gotten yours , let me know.. all that entered got a nice little
video clippie of me.. :-) see? maybe the NEXT contest more will enter lol
have any questions or subjects you would like to know about just ask...:-)

~Contest Results~

WELLLL contest is overrrr..lol.. I'm measured..and I am..
45.5 inches tall..that is from the end of my longer stump..
but good news.. y'all that guessed winned ! :-) ...yeah.!. no
one guessed exactly..one was close..but nope..but everyone
that sent a guess do I have a goodie for you !!!! NOW will
make EVERYONE wanna enter the next one lolol.. I made
a small video clip. its not long but very nice, and I KNOW
you will all like it.. I couldnt come up with a good idea for
a photo, so y'all have to just make do with the clip :-)

I dropped my cam and cracked the case..sometimes it works
and sometimes it doesnt. I guess depends on how bad I yell
at it ..lol Cams are so good I think, then you can see if a person
is real and just who they are.. There are lots use them for "stuff"
I just like to see whom, who, well the person im chatting with..
Sometimes on yahoo or msn or even Aim mine will totally freeze
up and then I cant do anything..

There are alot of fakes out there.. and that is a real PET PEEVE
with me..why someone wants to be someone they arent? i dont
understand it.. and then those of us that are real have a hard time
cuz no one trusts us... Sad tho that you dont like your own life
well enough that you want to be something you arent... oh well I
guess takes all kinds in this world, but I think if I had to pretend
to be something im NOT well I would think its cuz I dont like me,
..well I'd be for changing it then, not pretend to be something else
lol cuz you still go back to YOU at some time or another. so, I do like
cams..SPECIALLY ones that work right... lol...

I wont make this long tonite..as I am totally hungry.. I havent
eaten all day.. I burnt my left stump yesterday some grease
splashed again and being face level with stove, I backed up..but
my stumps were still there so the left got some of it ..hurt like hell,
well it did..still does.. Im watching it as its really close to the scar
and I sure dont want a bad spot again it can flare up over nite
on me... now maybe when I say enter EVERYONE will :-D see?
I'm just such a sweetie.. lol..naa I just am pleased y'all are reading
and having a great time here and this writing is good for me. I hope
for y'all too.. ..IM STARVED lol.. so its time.. and no not my
favorite food either..lol bet no one remembers what that is, do ya?

If you have something you would like me to talk about let me
know tho and I dont mind at all...Watch for the mail. If I dont get it
out tonite i will first thing in the morning..PROMISE..

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya.. Thanks :-)
Always, Lois ***

~Friends Make A Difference ! ~

Thanks for all the guesses on how tall I am..Tomorrow I will post the
right height..lol..Jane measured me today... I'll give you until then in
case anyone else wants to guess...I just want to say how much I really
appreciate all the kind and sweet things that I've been getting.. Means
alot to me, to know that you enjoy reading about my life and sharing
it with me. Makes me KNOW I am not alone in this. What would I
do without you.?. Not NEARLY as well as I am..trust me, if anyone
can say they don't need friends? Welllllllllllll NOT TRUE !!!

Before My amputations, while I was married, I had lots of friends, well
WE did. Once my ex and I went our separate ways, our friends seemed
to divide as well, he kept his and I kept mine. As the time went by and
I spent more and more time in hospital, then rehab and finally the hell
home as I call it. 3 yrs. I had 1 left, that I had known for 15 years. He has
stuck by me through it all..he's like my son to me...To this day I can
call Donnie and he's here, no if's and's or butts *, HE is what I call a
Dear Friend...

When I finally escaped and got my own apartment, as the time slowly
went by, thru that first year here, fighting that raging infection, the
only people I saw were my nurse of course 3 times a week, my doctor
once a month, and my dear sister every saturday as she had been
doing for over a year and Donnie at least once a month but phone
calls every few days... I was by myself really, well LittleBoy was here,
and HE was my buddy, still is...He stuck to me then, & hasnt changed.
What happened to all my other friends that promised to still come and
see me and their "don't worry, Lois, I'll be over to see you"?...I've not
seen them...

Sometimes, I try to figure out what happened? Why are they not in
touch, even though I've invited them, phoned..all of it to try to stay
in touch..? I think perhaps, it was because I was like I was, a amputee,
and suddenly I wasn't the get up and run, lets go person anymore..Now
to take me shopping with them ment lugging a wheelchair, loading it,
unloading, making sure I could get in and out and all that..I think I had
become ALOT to contend with to just go out with for a few hours. I
dont think they INTENTIONALLY stayed away, but would hesitate
to invite or include me in things,when those times came that I was able
to venture from here, and eventually during those 3 yrs they are gone.

Once I got my computer and away from staring out the window, joined
Yahoo and found that word DEVOTEE/ADMIRER, I had friends that were
actually LOOKING for me that I hadnt even MET yet. Some were jerks,
real buttheads, BUTT*, the MAJORITY care. They WANT to KNOW how I
am doing..are there daily to say "how are you today?" IF it wasn't for
this, do you think I would KNOW that I am really still me even tho they
saw and even LIKED the fact I was an amputee? No, I honestly dont think
so. Sure, the attraction may be my physical appearance, but they DO
care, I can tell by the sweet words I read daily, or that I hear on the phone,
and if it WASN'T for them, lol well would I still really KNOW I DO HAVE
friends again..all I have to do is turn on this computer, and log on, and my
friends are there to encourage, lift me up, and are willing to go thru this
with me to offer advice and Tender Loving Care. .Ya GOTTA have FRIENDS.
Mine now, just live inside this computer, I am never alone, with out you..
I could NOT do this, my only friends, are not ALL Devotee/Admirers..trust
me, I have MANY MANY friends, amputees as well as friends that are fine,
one DEAR one, is seriously Ill I only just found out in the middle of writing
this... I hope she knows..I'm there with her in these days she has ahead....
But the name of ALL of you .. is FRIEND.. and hey.. THANKS, I LOVE YA..

I'm off to log onto MSN, I'm pretty sure she's still there, I sent a mail..but
I gotta run... She needs ALOT of TLC right now, and as much of it that I
get..well .. I'm gonna share it with her .. Keep her in your thoughts, say
a little prayer, those help too...WHAT would I do without you? I would
surely cry......

Y'all have a good one Y'hear? I DO luv ya...all of you... THANKS. :-)
Always, Lois***

~~Shoes~~

I tease alot about the money I save buying shoes, or the time I had to
spend doing the tedious foot, nail care. THAT I dont miss..I think I
had the ugliest toes in the world, nails so coarse that the task of
caring for them took for ever.. and they still looked ugly. Even the
most expensive nail polish in the world didnt make those puppies
look any better at all..believe me I tried.. I NEVER wore open
toed shoes or sandal type where my toes showed..And I truthfully
do NOT miss the toes I had...

I remember that first morning that I got dressed after the below
knee amputation on my right leg. I sat there and looked at my
closet at my shoes lined up in there, and reached down for the
pair that were my favorites..I took the one..and looked at the
garbage can and rolled over to it and put my shoe into it, sat
there for a few minutes, my eyes filled with tears, as I went back
and pair by pair threw one shoe away. I looked back at the
closet..and now seeing the just one shoe of each pair sitting there,
I felt realllllllly sad, so depressed and decided that wasnt a good
day to get up.. I wasnt ready yet, I think I slept for 2 days as the
depression got hold of me again..

Two days later, I decided ok.. lets get up and dressed and do this.
So I washed and prepped and got my self washed & ready, picked
out a favorite dress. I thought be a good day to wear at least my
prettiest outfit and my favorite SHOE. I rolled to the closet and
looked at the row of one shoes there. I reached for my favorite
one, picked it up, looked at it and said to myself .."well aint THIS
just a buggar - what is wrong with THIS picture??? I laughed..
I threw away the WRONG shoe..lol.. I was SO mad, of ALL the
shoes I had THIS was my fav. and here I still had one left and the
WRONG one?!! I had to laff at myself, thinking "welll DUH, THIS
I am NOT telling ANYONE,"!! and I didnt! I wasnt lettin anyone
know I was THAT blonde!!!! :-)

When the day came after my left leg was taken, 9 months later,
I got dressed, dreading looking down at the remaing one shoes
lined up on the floor of my closet... I sat there for I dont know
how long, thinking that this had to be the hardest thing I had
to do, throw that last one shoe away that I would never have
to decide again what shoes to wear that went with what ever
I wore that day, I sat and cried, I looked down seeing no feet
below me, putting my hands on the ends of my stumps..sobbing.
wishing , that this was a dream, and not true, this wasnt me.
I wanted my legs back. . . .I wanted to be back to me , the way
I was. The nurse came by, saw me crying sittin in front of my
closet..she slowly pulled my chair back, and offered to throw
them away for me, I told her then .. "No, I CAN do this..."
One by one..I threw my shoes away. The thought of saving
money on buying shoes never entered my mind then..
I would have gladly spent a million to have even ONE foot to
put a shoe on...

I still even today, LOVE shoes... I look at all the gorgeous ones
in the catalogs and see how great they are. I loved to dress
up and wear those nice tall spike heels, to wear them to
work everyday, I liked dressing up was one of the joys to me
of working. I still dress up every day, and love looking good,
and all the money I did spend on shoes or nail care stuff , well
now I spend it on silk skirts, and the matching tops..and just
looking good, I miss the shoes..but HEY.. I'm still gorgeous
aint I? I'm just missin the matching shoes to these outfits I
wear now is all..so this works, I'm STILL me & gorgeous :-)

Had a great lunch today, cabbage, potatoes and some great
sausage..We do get some good lunches, so not much of a
snack tonite I'm not really hungry...I'll head back to email
and reply to all the guesses as to how tall I am..Jane called
just a bit ago to say she would be here about 10:30 and
she will measure me so I can let you know who won and
just how tall I am now, I'm curious to find out as well...will
be interesting.. so if you havent guessed..better hurry!!!
tick tick tick...runnin out of time, you have till post time
tomorrow then saturday I'll let you know.. :-) got some
great ideas for a coule interesting photos for the winner..

I hear the mailman so Im done here for today see ya
tomorrow... luv ya...thanks for all the sweet words sent
with your guesses...
Y'all have a good one now y'hear? :-)
Always, Lois ***

What a Storm Last Nite !

I HATE storms.!!. We had storm warnings last night that let me tell you
the windows rattled the wind was so strong.. I shut down and Im callin
the boys.. they follow and we hide our patootie butts in the bathroom..
I dont know who was movin faster me or them but we were runnin lol..
We all got in there and I could hear the wind and rain thru the air vent
in the ceiling and I dont know who was more scared..the boys hid in
their cat carrier and I rolled into the shower next to my shower
chair and waited.. I think we sat in there for 2 hours . The wind howled
and the rain you could hear pinging as it hit that vent. Good thing I
was in the bathroom ya know? lol..

Where do we go that live here? There are 18 apts here and 95% of us
are in chairs. There is NO storm shelter. If a tornado hits we might
just as well as bend over and kiss our butts goodbye, cuz we may end
up in the next county as bad as some of these storms have been ...
And last nite was a bad one, the rain didnt let up all nite...
This kind of thing worries me tho. What do we do? Theres no where
here that we can call a storm shelter. I go to the bathroom cuz its
in the middle of the apt next to the interior hallway and plus I can
hem the boys up in there..They follow me where ever I go, they
take every step that I roll..ITs funny my chair is so quiet..they
can be sound asleep and wake up and follow me lol, must be some
kind of built in radar...

The guys building the apts next door did a big NONO they messed
up the phone lines and we lost our phones for 2 days.. I sat on my
bed that evening and thought, HOW would I reach someone if I
had a attack or fell or hurt my self.?. How would I get out to reach
even Penny next door with no way to call anyone. When we went
thru the building to see if we all were with out service some of the
sweet ladies here , when I asked "do you have a phone? is it working?"
They get the phone, pick it up. say." hmm its dead. well NO WONDER
I didnt get any calls today, I thought every one was mad at me !"lol.
No one but a caregiver that was here, had a cell phone ..well who
can afford that, with a regular land one too...and who goes anywhere
anyway is what I thought ...till later...I felt totally helpless and I sure
didnt like that feeling. Its not a good feeling to be helpless,
that is ONE thing I dont like about being like this.
but really I guess even with legs and no phone that would be the
same cut off feeling but I think its the how do I call for help issue.
There are alot of things. you cant yell cuz no one would hear you.
I never hear anyone, even Jane commented on that, how quiet
it is in this building..very seldom you see anyone outside or in
the hall unless its time for the mail...lol, then I think the mad
dash is on..Some people..well even me..from yesterday until
friday when jane comes back the only person I will see is the
boy that bring my guess what it is lunch, and thats just in and
out.. I try to explain that to him when the boys hear him at
the door and make a mad dash to see who he pets first..I think
they get tired of me lol. I know Im not the only one here that
lives like this, some here have no one..yet no one is involved
with anyone else either..yet know everyones business..lol..

These kind of things b4 really didnt bother me, I guess because
I didnt have the helpless feelings like I do now. since Im in
this chair. There are times when Im trying to do something
and Im trying to roll this chair the way I want it to go that I
say,, "I HATE this chair".. but I reallyI DONT..im so grateful I have it,
maybe I just dont like being in it all the time I guess ...I KNOW
my butt sure gets tired of it lol..well cant blame it though
when I get up and start sittin on it at 4 am until Lord knows
what time at nite..I get insomnia sometimes really bad and
I go on only 3 or 4 hours at the most..then I just fall out
and power sleep for 5 :-)

Well I hope the storms are done for a while and its not storming
anywhere else..I think something is drastically wrong with the
weather its changing so much, we get hotter summers and shorter
winters.. but, let me tell you tho... I have SEEN some snow here !
It can snow so hard you cant see your hand in front of your face...but
I like it..I love the change of seasons..RIght now all the leaves are
almost in full color as we call it.. I think the last time I saw the fall
colors was..hmmm had to be in 99 . Been awhile..nothing like a
drive and see all the trees with all the orange and reds..and golds,
beautiful country. Up North in the UP of MI its all National Forrest
and the rides are breathtakingly beatiful..my sis makes a yearly
trek up to see the colors . Lucky dog.. :-)

Well I had late lunch so no snack.Im not really hungry it was kinda a
stressful day a run in with someone that upset me a tad..but oh
well, thats what keeps it all at running speed as they call it. So,
the boys are waitin for me..they have been at it all day too fighting
over who gets this bare spot next to my computer, so its time for
the Head Cat here to settle them down lol So I bid thee Bonne Nuit
mes amis... I think I spelled that right lol.....
Say, some great guesses today, Im curious to find out myself!!!

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? luv ya, thanks..
ALways, Lois***

Showering? OK...I'll TELL Ya ~!~

I get asked questions every day of how I do things, by now, you know
you ask...oki doki..i'll tell ya~!~ the question for today is..How do you
bathe? Key word? CAREFULLY ! Slippin & sliding to the floor in a
shower is NOT a good thing ! I've come close, Very close at times, to
hitting the floor and Trust me, it can be VERY Scarey.

I have a rather large shower, called a roll in shower, take chair and
all if you have one for a shower. My first bench, well I still keep it in
there, is a white plastic, fit my butt and half more..was narrow, & my
stumps stuck out past the edge of the seat. The floor in the bathroom
is all slanted towards the shower, so the bench of course is sideways
in there. I transfer to it and I automatically slide up to the far
end of it, up to the wall, where at the end is the mounted wall shower
head thingie, that slides up & down on a rod, You can take it off to
be a hand held shower if your brave enuff. Well , this is a plastic bench,
plastic when wet, gets slippery, VERY slippery, trust me...so I have
to hold on to the bench most of the time or do a careful balancing
act so I dont slide off while im lathering my hair and body, if I use
both hands which, to get the soap out of my hair I have to. Now this
nozzle thing only sticks out maybe 8 inches from the wall, which
means I have to be up very close to the wall to be able to do my hair.
To rinse off the rest of me its one hand then the other, switching
back and forth to make sure Im all rinsed off...

Now, the bench being slippery, ive slid up under the nozzle, and
yes..Dutch sits on the bench next to me ! He loves water :-) i'm
trying to scrub my body, at the same time not slide off this bench,
so I'm holding on with one hand during this whole deal. Drop the
soap? well tuff ..Dutch aint gettin it.I almost slid off one day,
I mean REALLY close, if it wasnt for the rail around it I would
have sat on the stupid soap I was tryin to reach that had fallen
to the floor. (No shower grabber) This kinda was getting old after
2 half years of doing this. It was really gettin to me, by the time
I was done washing and fighting to stay in that chair I was so
wore out I just sat for a while and would just DRIP dry :-( till
I was ready to get on with the next phase of this shower.....

I applied and I got a new chair just for the shower. It looks just
just like a regular manual chair but has an open seat, like a
potty, plastic seat, back, armrests that tilt up. The whole chair
goes into the shower. Great chair since it goes right in, and
there is no transferring from my manual like before and
I keep the bloomin soap on it now that has a ROPE on it..
HA ! the soap has NO escape from me now. Anyway I like
this new chair being great it goes totally into the shower.
BUTT, its just that its HARD on the butt, it is THE most
uncomfortable seat I have to sit on. I dont know if its the
hardness of it or the way its maybe slanted, all I know is
it sure makes you take a FASTER shower. lol. Its alot
easier to shower now as both hands are free and I can
do this faster which is great, because by the time I transfer
out of it my stumps are screamin to get OUT of that chair
cuz they ache so bad.

I roll out of the shower, grab a towel and wrap around
then have to go back to my bed..put towels on the bed
to slide my wet butt across ..well? how else am I gonna
dry it off? So I transfer to my bed and there I dry off.
Hopefully I've been smart enuff to think ahead to make
sure Ive put my clothes on the bed so I dont have to
transfer back and forth again. So the drying process is
the same except for my butt, well its the roly poly
routine again, (like for puttin on pants?) to dry off good.
Dryness is important when your sitting for 15 hours a
day. Hey you wanted to KNOW lol. I have to bring my
powder & destinker, perfume, lotion all in there or its
transfer back to the chair put all this other necessary
stuff on back in the bathroom, then back here to dress,
so I have a basket I carry into the bedroom with all
this in. I get all sweet smellin, then have to move all
these towels (3 at least) or get powder etc on my skirt.

All this done, and I slip my skirt over my head, then
my top..and transfer back into my chair to haul every
thing BACK into the bathroom to start the routine
of fixing my hair. All in all time wise approx 2 hrs and
depending on how pooped I am by all this arm move
ment maybe longer. There IS a routine or your gonna
be so wore out that well you head back to bed then to
take a nap! This is NOT an easy thing to do... Some
days, well I look at the shower and say." Hmmm how
dirty can I get just sitting here? ok..its just BirdBath
day..when I fill the sink with water and sit in my chair
and wash all the main mandatory parts and I WONT
be specific, you guess... and this works really good...
The shower routine, for me isnt a daily thing, its a
maybe 3 times a week, depending on time of year
too..summer it gets hot and I tend to perspire if I
dont have the air on, and winter? well its kinda cool in
here , I keep the temp about 68. So that is a determining
factor in how often I go thru the shower routine...

There...what did I leave out? lol. OH- that at the end of all this
washin and dryin and fumin, powderin, dressin, that I look
and smell like the sweetest thing there is? :-) lol hey....this is
true!! I'm lookin good.!. I do miss my White Shoulders tho..I
love that stuff ..But I have some White Diamonds by Liz Taylor
a gift from my sis, that is preeeeety sweet smellin, got my silk
skirt on, and a nice "matching" top and ok..lets get this show
on the road and I head back to this computer .. :-)

I'm earlier here tonite my nap didnt last real long I think every
telemarketer phoned today and I just gave up..I got a rest
which I needed I got up at 4am..so I was ready for a nap after
lunch, which today was NOT a good lunch day, Dboy HAS to
have a smell & taste of any food I go near..well when I took
the plastic off this , guess what lunch, he acted like he was
gonna bury it? no no I am NOT eating it, no way, so I'll fix
some soup or something here in a minute. LB doesnt eat
people food very often, but he HAS to have coffee in the
morning, when I make coffee he sits there and waits for me
to give him some of the coffee out of the cannister and he
eats that, hes done this since a baby. Told you we're a odd
lot here :-)

So there you have the SHOWER routine, hmm routine?
well yes i guess but more like a challenge, its not easy, but
do it right and you have the right things you need, its not
too hard I think the hardest is all the tranferring.. So now
when YOU take your shower, and just jump in and out..
remember YOU got the EASY way...lol..

Well, I'm off to the kitchen and we here at the funny farm
bid you good nite I hope this answered the shower question
got any more? lol, just call me the picky answer lady here :-)
Nite..and THANKS for the nice mail I'm getting with all the
sweet words..If you dont want to post a guess here for the
contest you can send it to me at LovelyLittleLegs@gmail.com
I'll put it on to the list..Y'all are guessing pretty much the same...
doing good and Im pleased so many of you are taking the
time to "Play" with me lol...

Y'all have a good one now y'hear? Luv ya..& thanks.. :-)
ALways, Lois ***

I CAN Do This- - *New Contest*

I watched the Extreme makeover show about new homes for people
last nite, showing those young sweet kids, so many with ailments that
made me say.."and I complain?" I saw that young man without arms and
legs how he has adjusted his way of living to the easiest way he can live it,
and he is such a inspiration. No matter who we are or our physical condition
we all have to face such difficulties, no matter what our bodies look like -
every day when our eyes open and our day starts, I would venture to guess
we ALL say..."another day...I can do this.." and whether we start it by only
opening our eyes..or walking, or rolling..we all move forward-time still
moves, just like us...ALL of us....we can do this, just we do it differently is all..

I told Jane today, I am going to have another contest ! ! I have been asked
a dozen times if not once... "How tall are you NOW?" So what I am going to
do is have Jane, when she comes on friday, is measure me ! It will have to
be laying down as I dont put weight on the ends of my stumps. I've tried
but I dont like the feeling and I dont have that kind of arm strength to
hold my self up by my arms for any length of time, I can for a few seconds
but thats all. Friday she will measure me, she just phoned and I asked her
if she would, she said sure. I used to be 5 foot 4 inches tall...standing. . My
answer to that question has been well.."just minus 2 feet.!.!.." lol....
which thats TRUE! :-D friday I will know exactly HOW tall.... On
Saturday..if you guess, I will say who guessed it or came closest, and of
course the prize is photos like the last time. Saturday nite I'll say-So-
you can start to guess if you like..Thru here tho..so everyone will see
what the guesses are.I have no idea. I used to have long legs..you saw
the photo a few days ago...so..if you want to guess. come on, I dont
know my self LOL.. so we will ALL know at the same time...

I wanted to say Thanks for all the lovely comments on my photo, just
so nice to read, y'all are just too kind... I have decided to post a new
photo about every 3 weeks or so..no definite schedule for it.. When I
get my hands on my cam I have no self control, and I take pictures.
and I will take some new ones for the winner for saturday..My boys
see the light come on my cam and run!!! :-) Ive been having some serious
problems with it lately and its giving me fits..I saw there is a new one
thats cordless and they have a zoom feature that is really great ! I
dont have a digital to take photos with would be nice but a cam works
good too, I might consider a small video clip for another contest :-) I bet
THAT gets some to wanting to guess now hey? hmmm thats possible
I just might.. Perhaps even a live visit by me via my cam on yahoo..
would be a good prize for another contest? Hmm this could be great fun !!!!
Got any ideas for more contests let me know? By the time I think of the
next contest perhaps I'll have a new cam and a clip will be the prize.. :-)
I have a list and a new monitor, then printer, THEN cam have to be the
order on the list...No monitor and well geez I would miss terribly not
coming here with my daily 2 cents!!! But..again..I CAN do this :-)

We got some cleaning done today, I folded and Jane put things back
up on the shelf in the closet, I used my grabber to get a lap afghan off
the shelf..YES..I did it this time..not Dutch..well the one I HAD to
have was on the bottom..well? it was the one matched my skirt !..I
HAVE to match~!~so I thought well if I use the broom handle to
lift up the ones on top..and the grabber to get the one I want? well
hmm that should work...ya ok..sure,,it worked..to get them ALLLL
on the floor..made a nice empty spot for Dutch!!! I did quite a few
bend in half's picking them up off the floor and refolding let me tell
you, was NOT that easy, believe Me !! but I guess it was good exercise...
They are all back up on the shelf AGAIN, I know, I KNOW....y'all
are saying "she's so picky" welllll hey, I like me..and I like
to look nice even if I AM the only one lookin at me y'know? lol
thats just how I am.. :-) Picky picky..lol..

Almost 9, I am headed to email to send a few letters..and then a
good movie is on later on HBO..I have 6 as in -SIX- HBO's !!!! I'm
living good here..First time my phone rang while Im here on my
computer scared the patootie otta me ! I jumped checked out my
task bar ready to cuss out Earthlink lol...I still get a start when it
rings and Im online lol..but this cable? wow..talk about livin large?
Hey I can do this too !!! :- D. . . Yeahhhh buddy !!!!

Well Miss Picky is signin' off, the boys are fighting tonite, Dutch
is tryin' to be boss and LB is just not having any of it, when Dboy
starts..LB just gives him a good bite and Dutch quits for awhile,
he is smart..he knows LB is the Head Cat here well so he thinks..
hehe I AM the head Cat here ...*MEOWWW* lol..nite :-)

Y'all come back now y'hear? luv ya..and thanks for the sweeeeet
words, just makes me feel GOOD all over..
so start guessin If'n ya wanna..let the contest BEGIN!!!! :-D
Always, Lois***

Two Worlds?

I live in 2 worlds..the world where my sister lives.. and the world where
challenged people live. In this challenged world are people, men and
women that have been labeled Devotee/Admirerer, i'll tell you what I
think about this . YOU asked..lol..ready?

I have NO problem with this "Other World"..In either there are good &
bad. The label put on the ones called devotee/admirer I dont think they
should have. They are just people, they happen to be attracted to women
and men with disabilities..they accept us more readily than those that live
in my other world. IF they ONLY see the stumps or whatever the disablility
is that attracts them then THAT is wrong, sadly there are those that only
do see that, but whatever the attraction isnt it good someone accepts YOU?

In the Other world the men or women that are attracted to a woman because
shes a blonde..or has great legs or other attributes that appeal to someone
do they have labels? blonders.. leggers.? or whatever? Not that I know of..
Why do the devotee/admirers have to be labeled.? IF the dev is a good
person and many many are..why do they have to be labeled other than
friend , lover, companion or whatever that person is?

You can be attracted to a challenged person, does THAT make that
person odd or different? no..makes them human I think..if we were all
attracted to the same things well that wouldnt be good now would it?
There are those in both worlds that take advantage or use..or play with
a persons feelings just because thats the KIND of person THEY are...
as a person no matter what world they live in or label put on them..
Ive had run ins with bad people in both worlds. When I got hurt or
felt abused by a man before I lost my legs the only label i gave them
was....ok..ready? ASS...lol..and Ive run into the same thing in this
world...and I give them the same name..not a devotee ass ..lol..
There are some challenged people that hear the word devotee/admirer
and will absolutely refuse to talk to them.. all because they have a
label..i disagree..Id rather we all just be people..because thats what
we are.

I will admit.. that being a amputee does draw attention and I for one
am glad..I am..if it wasnt for some of them I wouldnt have the close
dear friends ive had since that first day I typed that word into my
profile..AMPUTEE. They have helped me thru some bad days,
they have offered support, love. and friendship..I know in the other
world I have the same but not like I do from this world..I dont think
I would get the same attention in the other world as I do this one..
I live in both.I have dear friends in both however and Im glad...

I first got my computer of course the first word i typed into IE was
amputee..when I looked it was more about the physical problems
medical issues. I downloaded Yahoo and got a message from a
sweet man in India..he said "Lois, have you ever heard of a
devotee?" I said "HUH?" he directed me to a few places to go
and see for my self since I almost came right out and called
him a liar. And truthfully? I really am glad he did tell me... I was in
awe..amazed, some that REALLY saw me still as ME? wow
his could be a good thing, but they were people..to me...

Ive had my bad experiences, what I call hit & run. talk, just
to get photos or vids..etc then just vanish no words.no goodby
just gone..THAT hurts and makes me feel like a bit used..There
are some that take our photos and put them where ever they
want..no respect for us as a person..if it was their sis or mom
or their child would THEY like that? When I find out my photos
have been disrespected by those I GIVE them too hurts my
heart..and No ONE deserves that kind of hurt..THOSE are
the bad ones..but they are in BOTH worlds too...

I had kind of avoided this issue as I dont want anyone to think
what i write here is only directed at devotee/admirers..its NOT
this blog of mine is for anyone that has a challenge..that is having
a rough go..no matter what the challenge is. Ive been contacted
by so many challenged people as well as devotee/admirers and
i like to tell just how I feel..I know there are some will disagree.
but hey .this is MY blog and I say how I feel :-)

I was told that the challenged people in Russia are referred to
as invalid..INVALID? that word to me means of no use...what
a horrible word to use to describe someone..The word DISABLED
here I DONT agree with.. I'm VERY able..im just SHORT!!! we
are all able..we are CHALLENGED because we have to fight daily
to get thru these days facing the pain..the abuse, treatment that
we have to endure..could someone that is DIS abled do that? NO
every one has their daily challenge..the way things are now...
just to get up in the morning and face each day no matter who
you are is a challenge some just have it harder than others and
require more care... who knows who's turn it will be to cross over
into THIS world? And isnt it nice to know there are those that will
accept us in either of these 2 worlds?

This world is not that bad.what it amounts to where ever you live
is HOW you handle it..THATS what matters..not the labels that
some feel is necessary to show who or what they are...we all are
the same..we breathe, eat, sleep..and LIVE and we all face our
daily lives in a different way..and thank God there ARE those in
both worlds that DO lend that helping hand or that loving care
that we ALL need no matter what the LABEL that has been
given to them..

We all live here on this ball..cant it just be as HUMANS ? works
for me..how about you? lol..

Look at the time..im early tonite for a reason..Im taking it easy
today,, did some mail..fixed a nice dinner of meat pie..and me
and my boys are gonna go crawl up on my bed..and just finish
checking out the rest of those channels ..well soon as I figure
out how to work that remote lol..in fact they are already over
there waitin..cold rainy day here and they will curl up next to
me and the 3 of us..are gonna get ready for starting another
week..

We are ALL just people ..you , me.. lets just all just get along?
treat everyone the way YOU want to be treated..thats what
I do..treat me bad? well ill treat U bad..love me? and I'll love
you back. its just as simple as that..to me anyway..

This is my 2 cents... hope you are having a great Sunday,
remember..Jesus loves you ..so do I.. :-)

Y'all have a good one now..y'hear? luv ya..thanks :-)
Always, Lois ***